there's no real
love in you
Saturday, June 28, 2008 @ 12:42 AM
I have a love-hate relationship with roses.
Firstly, I think they're a waste of money.
Simply because, flowers are not practical and they die after 1 or 2 days.
However, being a very feminine girl I do love all things beautiful and pretty and roses are one of them.
A butter yellow one. Pretty, no?
This picture was taken under the warm dusky lighting of my home. I love my house.
I appreciate how roses have many powdery soft layers, they are beautiful outside but oh-so-fragile and delicate essentially. A simple tug will send their petals falling onto the floor.
This brings to mind that the most beautiful things are also the most perishable and delicate.
Such as, love.
Love may be beautiful (and best thing of all, it comes free) but you never know how delicate and gently you would have to treat one in love unless you are in a relationship.
I have always believed in the saying,
"Love thy neighbour as thyself."
It rings true in most that I have had to deal with in life.
I am trusting and kind to most people that I meet essentially.
But prick me with a thorn, and you can be very certain that I will put up my defence against you.
As said, it takes a day to break a friendship but a thousand moments to patch it back.
Aiyar I wish Valentine's Day was here again so that I could receive many roses.
Saturday, June 21, 2008 @ 1:06 AM
The feelings of sharpness, jealousy. Anger.
My heart turned sour.
Warm tears pricked my eyes and for a moment, the world around me had muted out and dissolved into a vague, blurry mess. Time had suddenly seemed to come to a stand still.
Only the small wooden clock, true to its time, stayed ticking solemnly on the wall.
I couldn't believe what was in front of my eyes.
My eyelids felt heavy, the tears threatened to spill out.
Thoughts rushed through my head, from 1 year ago, from 3 years ago, from 5 years ago.
Passionate, flowery, sad and bitter-sweet.
I really wanted to go up to embrace these thoughts, but I felt a stronge urge to stay guarded in my roots.
Stay to your roots, girl. Stay to your roots. Never sway.
Come one step further and I'll give a five across your eyes.
My heart has dipped into a bowl of warm sea water and it just wants to stay there forever.
Late night McDonalds.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 @ 1:35 PM
Eating Mcdonald's late at night is actually quite good.
I had the craving for McD's last night at 2am.
I was trying to resist the urge at first, and between 2-230 am I was actually flipping through channels on Starhub TV and a single question was running through my mind, "Should I... Or should I not?"
In the end, I could not resist the urge anymore and finally called them to deliver it to my house!
I should not be doing this much anymore.
Let's be rational here. *clears throat*
1stly, it's not good for my health to eat junk food late at night.
2ndly, it's really quite expensive.
3rdly, I might put on the pounds.
4thly, if really must eat so late at night, why must you call for delivery and add an extra $3 to your bill when you could have just crossed a few blocks and walked to McDonald's?
Huh huh huh?
Anyway, last night I could not reject my tremendous craving for McWings.
Geez. Why am I so...
Be strong, girl!
Fight the craving.
Dare I say... glory is staring at you in the eyes.
Although it's not the weight I'm worried about (I need more pounds, for sakes) but I'm afraid of being unhealthy lah.
*Looks at tummy*
Okay, actually it's in the pounds.
Anyway, I ordered a McWings meal and let me tell you ah, all Mcdelivery staff seem to be really polite and courteous. I can't find any fault with them, and they always do seem to remember my special orders.
Maybe thats another reason why I like going back to them.
Mcdonald's is not that bad, actually.
Okay stop reminding me about Fast Food Nation, yeah.
Speaking about fats and fast food, I think I need to hit the gym soon. Or start jogging on a weekly basis, for starters.
Sigh. The gym is so enticing.
It's like, dangling before my eyes.
But I know it's only because of the air-con and the hot guys who will be working out and sweating. *sizzles*
Lol. How superficial can I get?
Even I am amazed by my own superficiality.
But knowing such a klutz like me, even if I dress up glam-glam and wear something really nice, when I go to the gym to work out the Miss Wood in me will just come out again and make me do something really stupid like dropping a weight on my foot when I see a cute guy doing bench-presses.
I need a coach to teach me how to not be a klutz.
In the past, whenever I went out with a guy I liked and I would spend so much time to curl my hair and dress up nicely, I would just do something during the date to bop it up.
Like, I dunno - spilling soup on my dress or getting my heel stuck in a drain-cover?
Which is incredibly embarrassing especially if you were looking to make a nice first impression.
By the way, I know it's really funny for guys when girls get their heel stuck in the grills, but yeah. (Actually I think I would find it funny too if I saw a girl get her heel stuck, but ok nmind)
You're not supposed to laugh, but actually SUPPRESS your laughter and go up to help her, can?
It's not like heels were invented for drains or something.
And I bet girls will be incredibly grateful to guys who save their Manolos from the evil of what lurks beneath.
Anyway, I've had enough blogging for today. Will go start on my work now.
I'll update on a list on summer shoes next.
You know whats the saddest thing?
Monday, June 16, 2008 @ 10:05 PM
The saddest thing is,
you think you have the right to judge me and to correct me,
when you don't even know me.
I wish I could show you the real me
But why do you keep rejecting my true self?
I know, I do love myself...
But when is the time you will actually start to love me for who I am?
And stop loving me for who you perceive.
@ 10:01 PM
I am currently feeling bored and stressed...
Wonder which is worse.
Can't believe I'm browsing through random pictures of shoes and reading people's blogs to de-stress myself, geez.
I foresee a hell ahead.
Another crappy love entry.
@ 12:45 AM
- " Being single is the best.
But everyone wants to fall in love."
How true this is.
I read this somewhere posted by a random user on a forum, and I was like, yeah.
I would feel contented being single too. But somehow, a part of me just wants to be in a relationship, and to feel wanted, and to feel... loved.
I know, having my family and friends are enough, really.
I love spending quality time with my family and would not give up anything in the world for them.
My best friend understands me the most and I'm able to talk to her about anything.
But, having a boyfriend... is like a different thing.
Suddenly, you take someone whom you've barely known for less than than half the lifetime you've spent with your family, and you start to love him/her almost equivalent to how you love your family.
Of course, in a relationship there are always ups and downs.
Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard. It actually takes a lot of time to understand each other and a lot of work to give in to each other at times.
I'm contented being with my boyfriend now, but I do not know if things will change in the future or whatsoever.
We've been together for close to 11 months.
It's too early to think about the future, and I hate how some couples say that they are going to get married to each other 10 years later and they break up before 6 months has passed.
Maybe, this person might be suitable for you now but how do you know in the future?
I would rather not give or take a promise, it just stresses things up and prepares you all for what is to come or might not be. I would just like to enjoy things as they are now, and come what may.
If you feel you've understood each other enough and are prepared for the bigger thing that will come in the future, then go ahead and take up the challenge and live a very satisfied life.
When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was I, when she loved me.
Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me
So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "I will always love you."
Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me.
I will never forget this song.
It was recited to me by my ex-boyfriend after we broke up.
What made it even more sad was that there was nothing we could do about the break up.
Somehow, songs like these just leave an impending memory on you even after that person has left you. It doesn't help that the singer has a wonderful voice.
Although I do not love him anymore and I can't believe I even forgot how he looks like (although they say you are not supposed to forget your first romance, I think this is nonsense) its like, I can still remember how he sounded like when he sang this song.
I cracked down in my room and just cried for some time, alone.
I can't remember what he looks like or how he's doing now but I remember vaguely that he was very skinny. And I don't like skinny guys though, ahhh wondering what was I doing man.
Am I destined to be with skinny guys forever, seriously. o_____o
Anyway, thinking about it now sure makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy feeling inside, instead. I wonder why.
I think this is a wonderful song, though. I will sing it to my child in the future and tell her the story of my first boyfriend.
Ah, the bliss of the first rush of love.
Being in love can both be wonderful and wretched at the same time.
Babies and how I actually adore them.
Saturday, June 14, 2008 @ 11:16 PM
When I saw a picture of a cute baby in the newspaper the other day, I couldn't stop mentioning how adorable he really looked and Dora told me that my maternal instincts were kicking out.
Oh mann. Please don't scare me ah. I'm far too young. And, although I LOVE babies, I do not wish to be a mother yet, thank you.
I SERIOUSLY LOVE BABIES AND TODDLERS.
Everytime when I'm out, whether I'm with a friend or anyone else, whenever I see small babies and kids in the mrt, I find it hard not to look at them and appreciate their cuteness.
Every baby just looks damn adorable to me.
I so wanna go up and cuddle them.
Babies just look so innocent and untainted with the world's troubles. As they lay in their cot sleeping or gazing with curiosity at the big complicated world, I bet what goes on in their minds are, "I am hungry... I want some food."
I mean, hello. All babies need are just to satisfy their needs. That is so basic, and so simplistic and innocent.
I can actually start imagining myself with children in the future right now.
No more than 2, though.
Today, I looked at some pictures of TomKat's baby for the first time - little Suri Cruise, and I believe I am suddenly presented with the most adorable baby in the whole world.
Tell me - how can this not be.
Uh, Mom. I think I need my blankie.
Have I ever seen a baby who gets so excited looking a small dog? And the dog, albeit being small is about half of her size. Imagine how small she is. It's like us standing with a huge German Shepherd.
And here's a picture of little Suri with Tom Cruise.
Wowzers. Tommo actually looks kinda yummy here.
I never used to really like Tom, especially after his fanatic-"I'm in love!"-couch-jump-incident with Oprah.
Poor couches probably couldn't handle his weight and busted after that.
If you really observe Oprah's smile properly, it seriously has that kinda "Err... Get the freak outta here, I'm not really amused but I'm just trying to be" vibe.
Oh gee, Tom.
Seriously, what kind of idiot jumps on a couch on national TV and proclaims that he is in love?
Not to mention his obsession with his Scientology cult:
However, the ol' Cruise has outdone himself again and he actually looks EFFING GOOD-LOOKING here for a Dad:
Being protective over his daughter like any Dad should.
I love men who are dressed in preppy style. And, it doesn't really help that very few Singaporean men can actually pull off the hot Britain prep look. I bet under that cashmere sweater and jeans is actually a pretty tight bod.
Wtf. Does Katie realise that she is actually one lucky woman?
Imagine who she goes to bed with every night!
After cancelling off the facts about Scientology, his freaky couch jump, his lack of height and the fact that he might actually be a psycho-maniac controller dictating their lives...
Suri playing peek-a-boo between her Dad's legs.
I suppose Tom Cruise couldn't be that bad a Father anyway.
Do I see a mini-Katie here? I think she looks just like her Momma, Katie Holmes.
And Katie sure is morphing into the uber chic Fashionista.
Ever since she met Tom Cruise, Katie is starting to transform into fashion savvy by cutting her long American girl-next-door locks into a stylish bob and donning on more designer clothes.
Katie Holmes: Pictures from yesteryear
Katie Holmes: Before And After
Stylish Mrs Cruise.
Lovely Katie, I think she looks wonderful here for a young Mom.
Katie is also currently the muse of Georgio Armani.
Lovely Suri with her Mama, a darling again.
I wonder why is she always dressed in long dresses in parks though, isn't the proper play attire for little kids a comfortable warm pair of slacks so that she can still roll around in the grass?
Funny. Although it looks really sweet and all.
I seriously wouldn't mind if my daughter wore like this most of the time, maybe if I had a daughter next time I would definitely buy plenty of day dresses for her to look pretty in.
Hmmm, thats enough pictures of Suri for a day.
I think Suri is the cutest celeb baby I've ever seen. She even looks like both Mommy and Daddy, she has Katie's brown hair and Tom's big blue eyes.
And here is Angelina's baby, who actually has the same thick lips as her.
Isn't it amazing, how a baby actually resembles both its parents? I think a child is a wonderful creation from both parents with genes and DNA included.
How can somebody not love a little mini-me who has the same features and same character traits as her/him?
Oh wells. Enough of babies for a while.
I think I might be having some baby lust.
Random SMSes Behind Locked Doors.
Friday, June 13, 2008 @ 5:34 PM
"Daddy, did anyone call me just now?"
"Yar. A boy."
"I dunno lar... I told him you were sleeping."
"Eh, I wasn't sleeping! I was doing my work."
"I thought you were sleeping?"
Haha, my Dad is the funniest man in the world I swear.
He makes up ANY reply for the phone when my room door is locked.
And I don't often lock my room door, only lock it when I'm inside tweezing my eyebrow or memorizing notes and reading them aloud.
The reason why I'm so A-N-A-L about anyone disrupting my peace when I'm studying is because when I'm memorizing, I need to sing my notes out in a tune, eg. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star like 5 times each for a sentence.
Anything just to get them into my head, tight.
You see, I think I have short term memory and I seriously need to resort to absurd ways to study. Thats why I often don't like studying outside or with my friends cos they will surely laugh at me.
Then, afterwards, they get irritated cos they cannot study. T____T
Also, my attention tends to get diverted more when I'm outside and I end up talking a lot. Geez.
Wish I could take attention pills or something wtf.
Anyway, I checked my phone afterwards and saw a missed call and a message from Henry.
"Hey girl. Taking a nap? Call me asap. I wanna watch e show u said. I end at ard 1 tml"
So it was HIM who called lah.
But anyway, I wanna watch this show called The Happening. Go google it. It's very interesting I think, and it's another plot by M Night Shymalan, although I went on rottentomatoes and they didn't really have good critiques for it but I'm still gonna watch it nonetheless!
Nothing's gonna ruin my plan. -beams-
I love dark apocalyptic thrillers movies like this though I get scared and I end up covering my eyes 95% of the time.
My friends say it's a waste of $9.50, but I assure you it is not okay, I DO watch it between the slits from my fingers! -nods earnestly-
Quite scary leh, you don't wanna risk me suddenly screaming next to you right?
Anyway, the good thing about having a bf is that you can have anyone on stand by to go out with or do anything you want. Hehe.
Same goes for gf lah. DUH.
I think I should tell my Dad from now on, whenever I lock doors, doesn't mean I'm necessarily sleeping.
Thursday, June 12, 2008 @ 9:13 PM
I. Have. Officially. Gone.
I just agreed to pay $48 for 2 boxes of Shiroi Koibito biscuits from Hokkaido, Japan.
It's also called Bai Se Lian Ren.
I bought one box of white chocolate biscuits, and another box of white and black chocolate.
Call this an impulse buy or what, it must be it. *smiles weakly*
Anyway, I have heard many rave reviews about this famous brand from Hokkaido. Actually, production was initially suspended in mid-August when it was revealed the company had made a habit of mis-labeling expiry dates on the sweets.
But now its safe, not to worry, confectioner Ishiya has just resumed production again after stringent checks.
And I'm having it shipped to Singapore because there isn't any shop which sells it here.
Unless you can count Nippon-Ya in Central Mall where the things are horribly over-priced.
I bought these 2 boxes with shipping, which cost $14 cheaper than in Nippon-Ya.
Hope it will be nice ar. I bought two boxes because I can share one box with my family and the other box maybe give to someone else.
Don't fail me.
Of Guys And Their Beer Bellies.
Monday, June 09, 2008 @ 3:57 PM
I don't understand why my neighbour has to go out half-naked all the day.
Fine, he's a guy. Accepted.
But seriously ah, I know the weather is damnn hot these days but if you don't have abs or whatever,
Please don't go out and expose your naked pecs to glory.
You're as skinny as a washboard. While that may look good on some girls, (ie. flat tummy and all) your ribcage can be seen. It's sticking out of your skin, and geez...
It's kinda an eyesore especially coupled with your beer belly.
I say this because many times, I have been eating my lunch in the dining room and admiring the potted plants and fish tank outside, and I suddenly see a 20-plus year old guy strolling past loudly with his sandals and the half-naked sight.
It's okay if you take off your shirt sometimes at home (dunno why every guy also tends to do that, maybe it's a guy thang) but please ah, other than in your home, the outside is available to the public and surely you don't want them to puke up their lunches after seeing your bouncy beer belly?
Taking off shirt at home is accepted.
But taking off shirt outside if you have a beer belly, coupled with protruding ribcage is NOT accepted.
You look like an emaciated child who has had nothing to drink but beer.
Definitely not a welcoming sight for an 18 year old girl just innocently trying to have her lunch in peace.
*goes off to throw up again*
Sunday, June 08, 2008 @ 2:09 PM
Listening: Tears by X-Japan
I have a generous neck ache today wtf.
Argh, it hurts whenever I crank my neck to 10 o'clock because last night in bed I was a little too active.
It hurts, because last night in bed I was trying to do stretching exercises.
Because lately, I have been eating a lot at night. Late dinner, supper, late supper... Whatever you call it. It's crazy because nobody should really eat at night before they sleep! Unless you yearn for a spare tire, or else. No.
So apparently I was trying to stretch my neck that part, you know, like rotating my head around in bed.
And suddenly, I heard this SNAP! sound.
And I was like, oh dear. What was that?!
And my neck hurt like hell@%$!@&*!!
It felt like somebody just took a big bamboo pole and struck it onto the back of my neck. I was so petrified and thought that maybe, one of my crucial vessels (jugular, is it?) in the neck broke or something and I was going to die... so soon.
Sniffs. I must be getting old and unflexible.
How come ah. I'm only 18, leh. Don't do this on me please.
So anyway, my neck sucks now.
Mr Neck, I hate you.
Which brings me to the topic, I can't go out today.
And it's Henry's book out day! Kinda wasted yea. Well, at least he's going to play soccer now with his army friends or something and I think it should be fun.
A fun guy thang.
He asked me if I wanted to go to SAFRA and watch them and I was like, for what? I'll probably look even more girly since I can't play and I will probably just be sitting at one side listening to my iPod and doing my math homework.
Which will also make me look kinda nerdy and dao.
Hahaha ok nmind.
Well, since he's doing his guy thang and I can do my own gal thang too.
1. Download the latest chick flick from Torrent, ie. Sex & The City or maybe an oldie but goodie, like The Devil Wears Prada. (I love that show, bet you could tell)
2. Go to Shop & Save and buy a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.
3. Curl up with a blanket with Tigger in front of my laptop and watch the show complete with ice cream. Dunk ice cream into Earl Grey Tea for maximum effect.
Thinking of soccer, it's quite sad cos I used to play when I was young with my neighbourhood boys and I used to like playing it a lot with them.
I was quite a tomboy when I was younger.
I would actually get so excited scoring a GOAL (wtf?! Imagine this now) and they would actually call me out to play with them everyday, because, you know, I was kinda one of the better ones.
And I was NEVER the goalie, I was like, the STRIKER, okay...
I bet if I told Henry this now he would laugh because I am so girly like a gu niang now, don't ask me I dunno how I became this way either.
Then thinking about it, because I was sooo super tom-boy and could fit in with the guys best, one of the guys actually liked me. Which was kinda puke-inducing because I saw him as a "BRO"??
I remember I was at his house watching some dumb show called Cable Guy or something and there was this part when Cable Guy leaned forward to kiss Cable Girl and he actually TRIED TO DO THE SAME TO ME.
That was damn sick.
I will never forget this show, especially that significant part.
Plus, he's like 1 year younger than me. Call me traditional or what, it's just that... I don't go for younger and immature guys.
Older guys - Yes
Same age - Maybe, if he shows his maturity.
Younger guys - No, siree!
Don't ask me why I came to this conclusion or that it makes no sense at all, maybe its because all my ex and boyfriend-now is older than me, and I'm used to it?
Or maybe its because all the younger guys I've met in my life so far are too immature and reckless to be more than a friend.
Okay I realise I'm just kinda going pointlessly about my life now, so I shall just get off and do my work.
Promise you a Tom Cruise entry will be up next!
What I do at home in my free time.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008 @ 11:28 PM
I've been playing games these few months.
The websites that I've been going to offer you a free trial which lasts 1 HOUR.
After that, the game just stops halfway and strips you of all the titles and glory that you were indulging in.
But apparently, the system couldn't beat smart ol' me!
Everytime I finished using the miserable 1 hour's length from Website A, I would go to website B and download the same game! Just don't uninstall the game from Website A first. Re-install Game B and let it run over Game A and voila, it just continues!
Sooooo. I'm actually playing a damn addictive game now and it's called...
Laura Jones And The Gates Of The Good And Evil.
Lol, yeah I know the name is soooo wtf.
But, I assure you it is really fun to play!
No, I don't need your autograph, bugger.
For some reason, I hate stupid jocks.
Guys who think highly of themselves because they're in sports ccas and who flock around the bimbos in school.
Typical traits of a jock:
1. They walk with a swagger and talk like a nigga.
2. They enjoy being seen with and talking to the hottest girls. TO UPPP THEIR "I'M-MR-BIG" REPUTATION MAH. -coughs, chokes and pukes-
3. They like wearing tight shirts to show off their muscular build.
4. They enjoy making a fool of themselves in class and in front of the teacher, trying to be smart alecks.
Well, I dislike guys with brawn and no brain.
But dumb jocks make the game more fun and interactive. Look, even his outfit looks humongously exaggerated and oversized.
Really fun! I love games which involve cute little animals. Yes, more of that please!
It's so fun to bathe the pet, brush it's hair and feed it food!
Feed the cat some fish and it will give you clues!
In this stage, you have to use your mouse to catch fish and fling it towards the cat for it to eat them. She will then give you clues to help you along your journey.
I told Henry I was playing these kinda games and can you believe it, he laughed?
And he claims it's some game for small girls!
Wth. Go ahead and play your I'm-super-macho gun-slinging WWII games then.
Yeah... Holy grail, baby!
The 18th and last friggin' stage I worked my ass off to get into. Yes, I did my homework first, by the way.
It feels really good to play finish a game and reach the last stage, you feel like "Yaye, I finally completed it! Let's see what's in the end!"
But sometimes, games like to fool you because in the end it's like rubbish can. You receive a banner saying, "Congratulations! You're reached the end of your journey for the holy grail/mystical cup of honour/magical shit." and you're like:
So, this is all I get?
But whaddaya expect from a game then? It's meant to pass time, anyway.
This game is really interesting! Do download if you're really bored at home. You can download it from Big Fish Games or any other game website, just google the game.
Another game I've been playing lately is:
This game is close to being an exact replica of Cooking Mama on Nintendo DS.
Cooking Mama on your DS.
Mama can cook!
Except this time, instead of the stylus, you use your mouse!
Baking tuna puffs in Cooking Academy.
This game is really interactive in the way that, every movement or action you make with your mouse will be recorded as the action you do on screen. Something like a touch-pad.
There are tons of recipes to choose from - be spoiled for choice from appetizers, main courses and desserts.
Recipe: Grilled Teriyaki Chicken
One interesting point is that, unlike most cooking games, you get to decide how your food turns out. There are certain recipes in which you will have to arrange the food on your plate, and a snapshot of it will be taken.
Getting your food judged.
However, albeit being interesting at first, it tends to get boring and a little tiring after a while as you're basically just doing the same few movements with the same few recipes. Your wrists even start to hurt, and you find yourself hurrying through the recipes just to reach the last stage.
Akin to how you get bored with Cooking Mama after playing it on the DS for a while.
The idea seems fresh at first, but you just don't want to be doing the same movements throughout a whole game right?
I would recommend this game for those who wanted to get Cooking Mama but couldn't.
You will get your fill playing this game!
Alright, enough of me recommending some games. Now it's your turn to download it if you wanna!
I'm gonna get my butt down to working again.
Until next time.
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
my favourite things!satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)
monthly archiveJune 2005
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