there's no real
love in you
Sunday, July 29, 2007 @ 11:46 AM
A small dedication.
After the concert last Saturday, I went home feeling sentimental.
I miss Mr Yap. Seriously, SC band would not be complete without him.
Although we're only a small-town band in a school of Gold performing arts, you're the one who lights up our band life with your little quirks about life and the way you express yourself when you conduct makes me emote better when I used to play in our band.
And for this, I want to write you a little note of appreciation.
Dear Mr Yap,
You bring life to our band.
The way you tried so hard to share with us and show us how to play our piece, and how to bring out the emotions best. Although I was just sitting quietly there, listening. I was trying my best to put myself in the scenario and see it through your eyes.
You were the one who indirectly, spurred me on to try harder even though I didn't have music background and knew NOTHING about music when I joined SC band. I thought the little notes were tau gay. I didn't know how to read key signatures, or even how to count.
You made me realise that music is more than getting the notes right and your techniques down pat.
It's about emoting.
It's about feeling and expressing to the audience when you play.
It's about listening.
And for this, I spent endless hours at home just practicing long notes last time.
I was so determined to get my notes right, and to get the piece right. So that I could contribute each time I played in the band.
Your eyes shown whenever I played. The way you looked at me just gave me a feeling that you knew I was trying so hard.
I went from a zero player to a player with something.
Each time you complimented my tone, it only inspired me to work harder.
I'll never forget the time when we were tuning and I played a simple concert Bb.
It was just that one simple note.
You smiled and said to the whole band,
"Wah, can tik." (meaning: 'Beautiful' in malay)
You made me realise how much a lousy music player like me was worth my potential (was worth something) with my tone.
You were one of the key roles who ignited my passion in music.
You were the one who spurred me on, to want to achieve much more for our small but close-knitted band.
You really made my band life much more worth it.
Thank you, Mr Yap.
Once a band member and always a band member,
@ 11:00 AM
SCGS Band Forever.
Haha. Sorry for the little heading up there. I know I'm in CJC band now. And I really do love CJ band. But my one and only true, first love (!) is and will always be SC band.
My heart belongs there. They say you'll never forget your first love...
I find it so true.
Just went for the concert last night. Although they didn't really play well (what do you expect from a small, virtually unknown band) but I loved the atmosphere and the feel of being home. The only thing that was missing was singing the school song after the concert. How come the SJI people got to do that.
Heh. Oh wells.
I'm actually a very sentimental person.
Last night was magical!
I went to watch the concert with Jasmine Ngu, my best friend and ex clarinet SL. She's now in SAJC, still playing the clarinet.
Anyway, I walked up to Khoo Auditorium to met up with Jasmine first. She was carrying flowers. And then we saw the usual SC culture.
Girls in heels. Girls in jeans. Girls in short, short denim skirts. Girls screaming in excitement.
And I also saw girls in uniform.
I haven't been to SCGS for such a long time and although I used to love our uniform so much, but now when I look at it (and the new strict rules imposed on it) they suddenly look kinda nerdy. Oh wells.
Haha. Makes me wanna embrace my CJC uniform.
Anyway, outside school, I think most SCGS girls have good dress sense. They want to look good and they know how to look good.
We entered the auditorium in a flurry of excitement. The concert started, and the disco lights turned on. The whole stage was swathed in neon 70's colours. Even the girls were dressed in retro costumes. Then the music played.
When Shrek Dance Party came out, Jasmine and I looked at each other and laughed.
"Shrek again!" she said.
"Yeah, we always play that! Oh man."
I think it's like the 5th time we played it on stage.
I saw Mr Yap, our conductor, doing his usual antics on stage with his enthusiastic spirit.
Overall, the concert was a blast.
It was sort of like an exchange between SMK Sultanah Asmah (top band in Malaysia) and our little band.
SMK practically owned us. But during the concert, my heart was always listening and always with SCGS band.
The highlights of the concert were the songs Shrek Dance Party, Pirates of the Caribbean, My Way and Georgia Medley.
Anyway, at the end of it all, Miss Rosalind Heng our ex principal, went up the stage to give out flowers.
New principal Mrs Low and old principal Miss Heng.
Dear old Miss Heng.
I miss her. In my heart, she'll always be the best principal.
I left the auditorium with a happy heart and feeling light-hearted. Love that feeling.
SCGS looks gorgeous at night. With her lights on, the whole school is bathed in a moment of magic and mysteriousness.
And when I stepped into the band room, I felt so at home again.
The smell was there, and the warm feeling was there. Even our section shelf was messy again and the scores were thrown all over the place, but this is so significant of SC band.
Sigh. Miss the feeling of looking forward to Friday practices with Mr Yap and our band.
Miss SCGS band.
Friday, July 27, 2007 @ 9:11 PM
I love DONUTS! I love them. Love them so much. My current favourite food of the moment are DONUTS.
Doughnuts. Donuts. Whatever.
I don't know why but I'm crazy over donuts. I can think of them before I sleep. I can think of them in class, before break time. My stomach starts rumbling.
And when I see a picture of donuts, I feel easily satisfied.
See can already. I'll just feel... happy. Contented!
Of course, it would be even better if I could taste it!
Haha. Okay, I bet I sound retarded here. But I really have a current craving for donuts. Feel like eating them now.
Hmmm. Doesn't it look... Yummy?
I especially love the heart-shaped one. So cute right. And there are two to begin with!
Haha. Dunno why they are sticking to each other.
This picture is not even mine (I found it on the net ya) but I can imagine that the first one is kaya, the second one is warm oozy dark chocolate, the next one is melted marshmallow cream with some caramel and the next one is peanut butter! And so on...
Can just imagine the crunchiness and chewiness of the peanut butter one man!
OH MAN I THINK I HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION.
So please excuse me while I entertain you with more pictures...
Colourful donuts! They all look so appetizing yeah.
Neon donuts... Erm, yeah.
The original glazed donut! Krispy Kreme is the best.
Different types of donuts!
I like the long one.
DONUT GAME. Haha!
Overall, my favourite type of donuts are heart-shaped ones with strawberry filling in the middle.
Speaking about hearts, here is another picture.
So sweet right?
@ 8:13 PM
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 @ 9:46 AM
Hmmm. With good things, there are always bad things as well. Not everything in life comes along with being all nice and fluffy.
I'm sorry to say that in my life, 80% of the time I have been looking through rose-tinted glasses.
I trust people really easily. As long as you talk to me, and you don't bore me and we have a good time talking together, you're my friend. Instantly.
And once you're my friend, I trust you. Wholeheartedly.
I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. Viv said that it's both.
It's good that I trust people, but too often I tend to trust people too much and end up getting hurt sometimes.
I rarely have enemies. In fact, none.
And I'd like to think it's a good thing.
In secondary school, I was very cautious of what I said to other people. It grew to an extent that I would have to place myself in the other person's shoe to feel what he/she's thinking and before saying what I wanted to say. I became even more so when I had a best friend who was also equally cautious of what she said to people, and together, we didn't reveal too much to others.
Perhaps it was a good thing?
When you're cautious, you don't trust people easily. You take a longer time to open yourself up to others.
When I entered JC, I met a friend. Once, this friend told me, "You know, I feel that you're not really opening yourself up to me. Can you please show me more of yourself?"
This little sentence made me think.
I want to, but sometimes I'm afraid of the consequences.
It's either, I be wary and stay on the safe side.
Or trust everyone (and make some happy) and get hurt in the process.
Another friend once told me before that between the ages of 17-19, you'll experience a time of growth. You'll gradually mature and become an adult.
Oh wells. Along with the experience, comes hurt of course. When all children learn to walk, they fall down. Likewise, when you're on a learning journey, the road isn't often smooth and on the contrary, is very often bumpy. When you trip on a little rock, you fall down.
And there are 3 ways to react with the situation.
1) Sit there and curse. (Very often, these are the people who procrastinate)
2) Cry because you have a new bruise on your knee.
3) Dust the dirt off, and get up again.
I'm going to get up again.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007 @ 12:24 AM
But today was quite a nice day.
I wanna read the letter.
PS: I also found out something today. Some friends might not be what they are...
I'm gonna stay away from you from now on.
Sunday, July 22, 2007 @ 1:43 PM
I just saw this and realised that it's a little too late.
Of course, I'm only interested in Nué.
It's really a pity cos shoes that are normally selling at 80 bucks are going for 16 bucks only~!
I love Nué shoes cos they're light, comfy and airy.
Anyway, went for the SJI concert last night. Renaissance GOLD.
I went with Lilian to support Tarun, BenToh, Faeliq, Yifan (section mates) and Henry. And Dom. And Samuel. And all the guys from CJ band previously from SJI.
We bought chocolates for them. I chose mars bars. And she got snickers plus some marshmallow thingy.
During the concert, I sat in between Benji and Lilian. After the third march, I started playing with my handphone game. Then I played Quadrapop (influenced by Lil) and lost horribly.
I don't have fate with Quadrapop.
Benji then tried to play and he got higher. Ah. He trashed me the other time too! And jumped to 3rd place. Maybe I should try to beat him now. Haha.
Then after that we played Pokemon. Lilian was sleeping.
Someone's solo was really nice.
So zai huh...
Your hard work paid off.
The best songs were Pirates Of The Carribean and Yamato. POTC was nice because the whole band was singing and it sounded so much like the movie! Good job guys.
I loved the Fumbler's Lament. So cute. The old boys (men) coming out to sing. The whole hall was laughing seriously. Shermann too.
So after that, me and Henry and James took cab home. We dropped James off first. James was busy talking on the phone for almost 1 hour plus. Haha.
Then I reached home and slept. Too tired.
This morning, I had maths tuition. For the first time.
My maths tutor called me and said he was late and didn't know how to get here. And I had to give him directions. Heh.
Anyway, he's in NUS third year studying biochemical engineering. Which is actually the same course as Franco bro. I wonder if he knows him.
So I had maths tuition and he was really patient with me.
It went well overall. I cleared up my queries on Summation and a little of Partial Fractions!
Gonna make lunch now. Then do my work.
Sunday is STUDY DAY.
Monday, July 16, 2007 @ 11:33 PM
I found this in my house the other day.
When was the last time you played this?
Sunday, July 15, 2007 @ 4:25 PM
@ 1:29 PM
Today is a Sunday morning.
The sun isn't out, the weather isn't too hot, in fact it's just cooling and not too cold. My type of weather.
The sky is a soft blue with lots of fluffy clouds floating around.
I feel like cooking food. Some food. Any type of food.
I wanna cook for you.
I got 4 mosquito bites on my neck, arms and legs.
Saturday, July 14, 2007 @ 9:51 PM
Sorry for the lack of updates.
Have been studying and going out lately.
Just went out to catch a movie with Daniel. He wanted to watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. And I wanted to watch it too. So I was going home from band lunch and walking on the bridge with James, Yongdi and the rest when he called me and suddenly said,
"Hello, do you want to watch a free movie?"
And I was like, huh?
My mom once told me, there are no such free things in this world.
Except, maybe true love.
Which is also priceless.
"Cos I got two tickets to watch Harry Potter!" he exclaimed.
"Oh... Really?" I said, kinda excitedly cos I ALWAYS wanted and have been dying to watch the next installment of Harry Potter. Ron Weasley is so cute! "When?"
"TODAY!" he said. "Now!"
"Now?" I asked, still kinda surprised and trying to get used to the fact that someone was offering me a free movie ticket. "Where are you now?"
"You?" he replied.
"I'm in Jurong."
Haha so I went home to take a short nap and change first!
Oh man and all the time I was thinking of Harry Potter Harry Potter and Harry Potter in my head. I mean, I didn't even read Order of the Phoenix but I know it will be a good show!
Haha. Daniel and I were kinda disappointed at the storyline and scenes. I guess most people in the theatre sorta was too. Nobody cheered at the last part of the movie, unlike last year when I went to watch with my bro, where the whole theatre just erupted in applause. It was a magical experience.
Anyway, thanks DANIEL for sharing with me your tickets! :D
Even though we spent less than 4 hours outside cos I have a curfew!
Just reached home. Tired already.
This will be my excuse of a blog entry. Heh. Lame.
Shall update more next time with pictures if I can.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007 @ 10:41 PM
Monday, July 09, 2007 @ 11:37 PM
Just woke up from a light nap. Zzzzz.
Felt really exhausted.
"Ugly picture?" he said. He went through the Year 1 stack and I pointed it out to him.
“Well, you’re not ugly now,” he said. "How old were you then?"
And then he suddenly talked to me about looks and self-confidence! I was like, zzzz. Oh wells. I do know about self-confidence and stuff like that, I only said I was ugly before and he suddenly launched into a long speech. And I just nodded and nodded, hoping to get away soon cos it was late and I was feeling tired.
Hmmm. I don't know why many people say that he's a pervert. Actually, I feel that he's quite nice and friendly. Except that sometimes he always asks weird questions.
Haha. Oh wells.
After that I just went home with Lilian. Was feeling so tired that I didn’t feel like going anywhere.
Doing EOM now.
Just a simple question,
Sunday, July 08, 2007 @ 9:08 PM
Today, Samantha left for Australia again.
I'll miss you.
Hope you enjoyed your stay in Singapore. I know I didn't use to read your blog often, but I do check now every single day and every time that I go online, first thing I'll do is sign into MSN, check my friendster and then read your blog! Haha. I know you miss Aussie a lot. Now that you're re-united with your boyfriend again, don't forget to come back and visit us often! And I definitely will email you k.
Thank you for the pink slippers. I love them.
A lot. In fact the first two days, I didn't even dare to wear them out in case I would make it dirty. Haha. So I only wore it in the house for practice first.
I just needed slippers at that time!
PS: I'll try Hokkaido ice cream soon. Thank you for the recommendation.
Went out today to eat lunch. Had Mcdonalds' since I was tired of MOS after eating it like, almost 5 times already. With the same person too. So Mcdonalds' was spent eating and discussing people's dress sense and attire, and counting how many Singaporean men wear slippers (haha. like, 9 out of 10. We need a better dress sense!) and then wasting a lot of food.
One of the few times I waste food! Those who know me, know that I always scrape my plate clean ya. And I mean, literally scrape.
Cos sometimes I think of African kids and I think of how skinny they are, and how fortunate I am to have so much food in front of me and gorge myself all the time.
So, don't waste.
Anyway, today we wasted some ice cream and fries.
Then went to NUM to try on clothes. We tried on a number of tops. And gave each other opinions. Haa. He bought an expensive shirt.
Hmmm. I seriously think NUM has a lot of quite cute eye candy. Guys with hot bods! Haha. Tanned too. I remember last time Viv would drag me there purposely cos she had a crush on one of them who apparently, looked like Taufik.
Band tomorrow. Tune in. I hope all goes fine.
Saturday, July 07, 2007 @ 7:29 PM
Hmmm. Just reached home from band. I'm going out soon.
Band prac today was satisfying. I really enjoyed playing Jap Graffiti!
Anyway, to sidetrack a little. Today, Sir was talking about this girl in AJC band called Christine. And I just realised that she might be the Christine that he's talking about, the one whom I know. From Ang Mo Kio Secondary. Haha.
Except the only difference is that I don't go clubbing.
Never been and don't ever want to.
Feel kinda happy today cos I sorted out quite a lot of stuff. I was feeling affected by what she told me yesterday and so I messaged her,
"Actually, I'm quite affected by what you told me yesterday."
Then today she came to talk to me. And I guess me and her are fine now. Really. Don't worry, okay? I was hurt, but I thought about it and realised that what you said is right. It's better that you tell me rather than keep it in your heart.
We're definitely still friends. I hope this incident will only serve to strengthen our friendship the future.
And also, I gave Lilian her present. Long belated birthday present! I'm sorry girl. Glad you liked it. We thought it would be suitable for you since your white purse is kinda dirty already! Ha. You must use the new red one okay. Use it, and think of me when you do.
Hmmm. Going out soon! I can't wait. To watch transformers again. Haha.
Happy happy happy!
Friday, July 06, 2007 @ 6:52 PM
One of my truest friends.
Sometimes, people walk in and out of your life.
Very often, the people around you... The friends that you have, those who care for you and ask about you, those who bother to initiate an outing or listen to you when you're feeling down. Those who take crap from you.
Those who joke with you, who laugh with you, who listen to you cry.
Those who've seen the weakest side of you.
Those who call you at 11pm and the both of you talk until 1 about the same problem.
Those who go with you to the toilet for the 2nd time in 1 hour, just because. Just because you feel like going. Those who sing with you in the toilet.
Sometimes, you tend to take them for granted.
However, these people are actually the treasures of your life. They are your true friends.
There are certain types of people you meet in your life.
There are some people you see everyday in school, those whom you exchange hi's and bye's with, there are some friends you makan with and joke with. There are some friends who approach you when they need you, but when you need them, they're nowhere to be found. There are some friends who tell you that you look good, just for the sake of it.
These are the people who enter your life, but soon walk out again.
Then there are some friends who give you the truth and nothing, but the truth. I prefer those who give me the truth. These people are the ones who STICK BY YOU and not leave your side, not leave you when you're distressed, no matter what.
These are the people who believe in you.
These are the people you see yourself contacting 10 years later and asking for a meet up, even when you both have children and are pre-occupied with your working lives.
And one of them is my friend here, Lilian.
We had some misunderstandings in the past. But I'm glad they're cleared. I'm really sorry that I took you for granted before, when I did not understand you well.
There was even a period of time, whereby I judged you.
It was my mistake.
But you stayed by me all this while, even when you learnt about it. Even when I told you about it.
And you never fail to give your understanding and support. Always.
I'm truly sorry.
Thank you, girl.
“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”
You with the sad eyes
@ 1:14 AM
I have been feeling sad starting today.
My friend just told me some stuff which was so hurting and I don't know why she said it.
If another person told me that, I wouldn't have cared. But for goodness' sakes, she's my friend.
At least, I see her as one. Perhaps she got a huge load of her shoulders. And I admit I was just being strong in the first place and trying to reassure her that things are better now but I think she could felt it that it ain't.
But right now I'm damn hurt.
Damn damn hurt.
And it's not often I feel so hurt, and weak, and broken that I feel like crying.
And to someone else,
Sigh. I just feel like such a _ _ _ _ _ _ _, all of a sudden.
Things were still going bright and cheery two days ago.
I don't know what's going on now.
When I think about what's going on in my life, tears just threaten to spill out and run down my face. Seriously. I'm damn sad. And I don't know why. It's probably a culmination of all things that I want to run away from but yet I can't.
I want to run away
Run away from you
And all this mess;
I have a sudden urge to eat some ice cream and just fill my days with yellow and forget about all these. I have a sudden urge to just be like a child again, and do things that children would do to forget about their worries. Like, go fly a kite or something.
But when you're getting older, maturing, and becoming an adult. The rose-tinted glasses fall off and the world just turns so much clearer. Sometimes you see so much stuff at one time, stuff that you don't wanna see, don't wanna hear.
But you do. And it just becomes so startlingly clear.
When you're an adult, you're expected to make decisions on your own. To talk things out. To come to a conclusion.
But so far, everything is going wrong.
Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.
Give me some strength.
I need You.
@ 12:52 AM
Today, I was feeling quite down.
After you came to talk to me, I felt better. Thank you.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007 @ 11:33 PM
Sometimes, your actions can lead to undesirable consequences...
Monday, July 02, 2007 @ 9:19 PM
Yesterday was freaking crazy!
I'm so tired. Went out with Lilian, Hong chow and Dominic to Cine to watch Transformers! The show really lived up to its expectations. It was really good, just like everybody said. Loved it. Except I was kinda sleepy due to not sleeping well last night and I fell asleep during some of the action part! Grrr. Missed the jam-packed action part! Haha.
But seriously, during the whole show, my heat was beating fast due to the loud sound effects and graphics! And my heart was seriously racing! Damn.
The show was good. The storyline was good. And the girl was HOT. Hotness, both HL and I feel that her body is damn good! Haha tight abs. Can't say the same for the guy, though.
After the show, we went home because I had to meet up with my friends.
I'm really sorry people! Truly apologise.
Dom went his own way. I took train with HC and Lilian. When it was soon our stop, I got off and talked to Lilian for a while. We had a good chat. Thanks girl.
Then I went to meet Jasmine, Sam and HL outside Burger King. They bought two bottles of green tea plus chips to stake over at my house! Haha. We walked to my house, the usual way home.
Afterwards, we got home, changed and chilled. Watched 200 pounds Beauty. Although I watched it before, but I didnt' mind watching it for my friends again. We gorged on chips and green tea, plus chocolates Jasmine got from NZ and Starbursts Sam brought back from Oz! It was reeally nice.
I love starbursts. They are now my favourite sweets.
Then we got really tired, went to my room and chilled. We tried to arrange the bed into a comfortable position, since the four of us had to share 2 mattresses - one super thick and one thin one. We arranged both side by side. As a result, there was a hump when we lay on it. The hump was right at our butts! What an uncomfortable position to sleep in. And then we had to even out the 'hump' with tons of comforters and pillows.
Then we took pictures of our legs. In the air.
Haha. Stupid stuff that girls do when they are alone! I miss my friends.
I put on pimple cream and then got into bed. We had a 2 hour chat about basically everything - Jasmine was showing me pictures from her camera, we chatted about cute guys, boyfriends, and then normal life stuff. And slowly drifted off to sleep. What a way to end the night.
I really love sleeping with my friends. Although we are not as close as before, tis this nice warm and fuzzy feeling that I get when I chat with them just before I fall asleep.
And I know when I wake up, I'll see these familiar faces I have been seeing for the past 4 years.
I wonder if it'll be the same when I have a boyfriend or a husband. I hope so.
So many girls let materialism go to their heads and their dream is to marry rich. Sure, it's tempting I admit. Life is certainly easier with money. Wealth is attractive, it could even be seen, from an evolutionary standpoint, as a modern sign of a man's ability to care for the family. But to me, there is simply no point at all if feelings ain't there. Money is merely a BONUS.
Sigh... What to do? I'm a die-hard romantic, even if it means starving and roughing it out with my man. (That doesn't mean he should be a lazy bum either!)
We are reminded, the heart never lies... True love is indeed... priceless.
In the morning, I woke up due to 5 alarm clocks buzzing away and then got ready to go to school for PW! Sigh. Had to leave the warmth and comfort of my bed and away from my friends!
Felt so sad. Gah.
Reached school and waited for 1 hour for Mark, Daniel and the others to come! Oh wells. At least this time I was early. Haha.
Then after PW, went home at 12 pm. Talked to him on my phone and walked and walked to Novena. He was sweet. Was glad for the company else I would have been so bored from the 20 minutes walk.
Well. Things are not certain yet.
We'll wait and see. Take things,
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
my favourite things!satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)
monthly archiveJune 2005
standing ovationLayout: Nicole
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