there's no real
love in you
Monday, April 23, 2007 @ 12:38 PM

A few weeks ago, I saw a familiar face in my school.
Was it him?
I blinked and looked again. Oh yes. It was.

This guy had a crush on me two years ago. Before that, we were friends. After when he told me that he liked me and especially when I knew that I did not have feelings for him, everything felt kinda surreal. In a way, I wished that it hadn’t happened – I did not have to know that he liked me, because it seemed to make situations around us more awkward. I did not mean for it to happen, but somehow you know the akward silence is always there, because you KNOW that the other party likes you. Somehow your view of him/her changes slightly, whether its for the better or worse.

You would either feel:

A) Hmmm. This guy likes me. But I like him too. So maybe we could give it or try.

B) This guy likes me. But I don’t really like him. As in, I only see him as a friend now. Maybe I would grow to like him in the future?

C) This guy likes me. But I don’t have feelings for him.

Mine was pretty much like C.

You see, we were friends but not close friends. We did not even talk often or much less talk in person. This guy was a pretty sensitive and really shy guy. The only time we chatted was online.

And every time we did, he would do this kinda annoying thing like – no offence but, I did find it annoying. He would come and nudge me whenever my mode is most obviously on Busy or Away.

So naturally, although no matter how busy I am (at times), I would at least reply anyone with a hi/hello/hey. And so I did.


He just kept quiet for the entire convo. And so I would try and make conversation, like ‘How’s your day?’/ ‘What are you doing now?’ etc. But he would only reply short, crisp answers like, “Oh fine.”/“Yes.”/”No.”

Well. Perhaps your idea of a conversation would be to pop up in someone’s computer with that MSN message signal when he/she’s kinda busy doing something else like homework and then keep quiet for the rest of the convo?

I mean, what’s your idea of a convo?

Saying ‘Hi’ to a person and then keep quiet?

Note that: When my mode is Online, and he is Online too, he does not talk to me.

After a while, I stopped trying to figure out why he kept doing this to me and just kinda pretended that I wasn’t really at my comp when he messaged me.

We stopped talking for a while.

A long while, actually. About 2 years or so.

And then one day. I saw him in school again. He walked past me in the library.

This was the same guy who was shy and did not talk to me in tuition class. This was the same guy who confided in two girls that he likes me. This was the same guy who blushed and smiled sheepishly when my two friends in class shouted, “Jiaxin! _ _ _ _ _ _ likes you, you know!”. This was the same guy who always stared at me when I was reading my Chinese composition. This was the same guy whom my Lao Shi (teacher) asked him to read the male vocal part and ME to read the female vocal part, and I was so embarrassed and grossed out that I wanted to bury my head somewhere, just anywhere.

This was the same guy whom the girls used to tease.

This was the guy who actually gave me the creeps, for a while just because my friends claimed that he was following me around.

Actually, it’s not true.


Now he’s popular around the girls in school. They say he looks like Wu Zun. I’m like, who’s Wu Zun?
My friend even has a crush on him.

Anyhow, he’s a nice guy. Shy but really sweet. I’ve only heard good stuff about him. A good friend to have, I believe if only I had the chance to know him better.

This is the same guy, who doesn’t look in my direction when we walk past each other now. Maybe he thinks that I’m shy. Maybe he’s just embarrassed too.

But one thing’s for sure.

So am I. It’s so awkward, having this kinda situation in your school, don’t you think?

Haha. Oh wells.

Teenage love always makes you think the most.


Friday, April 20, 2007 @ 12:49 AM

Sometimes I really feel like turning back and running,

Straight ahead.
Away from my problems, away from you.
Away from all this.

Isn't the back door always the fastest way out?

But then I think about the look on your face
And I stop.

Monday, April 09, 2007 @ 12:30 AM



Sunday, April 08, 2007 @ 4:12 PM

Feeling happy and sad at the same time.

Have you ever felt that way before?

It's like you think about something, then you're like, yaye! I'm so happy and contented right now.

Then suddenly something HITS you back. And you're like,

Oh man.

I wish he didn't have to like, go back home.

 photo blah_zpslyri7kbd.jpg
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
psalm 27:4

my favourite things!
satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)

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