there's no real
love in you
Saturday, May 31, 2008 @ 3:39 PM
I quite like having curls in my hair. Used to think they would look a little aunty-ish on me, but now that I'm having loose and big curls, it actually begins to feel nice.
I feel sweet and young.
Wth, I am young.
Can't say much about the sweetness part though.
I think I can look sweet if I want too.
But personality wise,
I'm more of a fiery and passionate individual who can't wait to voice out her opinions!
Anyway, I think I shall maybe go and perm my hair soon and ask for big bouncy waves. It's nice to hold them and to twirl them around your finger when you're bored.
And it's good especially because you can tie your hair half way up and look like a pretty 20-something year old tai tai or let it all down and add some volume with mousse to look hot and sexy.
I'm getting kinda tired of rebonded, long black hair, it's just so shu nu and boring.
I'm someone who constantly seeks changes and new things.
Can say I get tired of things easily.
Except maybe my family and close friends. I like being around them and enjoy their company.
Okay, I have decided that I will curl my hair by the end of this year.
You heard me! I set a deadline myself.
That means anywhere in between.
Oo-kay. This is such a wth random post.
I am really bored and I am waiting to go out with Henry.
Thus, I think I'd better go get ready now on my going out ritual.
I shall end this post abruptly then, to add to the random-ness.
Friday, May 30, 2008 @ 1:56 AM
It's gone... It's just gone.
I wish, I hope, I pray.
Thursday, May 29, 2008 @ 3:39 PM
Do not let anything bad happen...
Do not let anything terrible or unwanted happen.
I promise I will be a good girl from now on, and forever always.
@ 3:05 AM
I. COULD. KILL. 1000. PEOPLE. NOW.
Why Guys Don't Write Advice Columns.
Thursday, May 22, 2008 @ 11:52 PM
The other day I set off for work. I hadn't gone more than two kilometres when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home, only to find my husband making love to our neighbour. He was let go from his job 6 months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do?
A car stalling can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Check that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. Or it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
* * * * * *
Returning home early from a business trip, a man finds his wife in the bedroom. She isn't wearing a stitch of clothing.
Surprised, he says, "It's in the middle of the afternoon. Why aren't you dressed?"
"I have nothing to wear," his wife answers.
"Nonsense," he says, throwing open her closet, "You have a red dress, a green dress... hi, Larry... a purple dress."
Grace's Choir Concert
Sunday, May 18, 2008 @ 1:18 PM
Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I went to Grace's choir concert at Esplanade on friday.
Then again, I frequently don't mention the events that I attend in my blog, except rant about stuff when I'm feeling moody lately.
Haha. Okay, enough of all the crap!
Apologies for the really small photo and bad quality.
Apparently, Grace is part of the very prestigious and in Nigel's words, "daaaaaamn hard to get into" the Philharmonic Chamber Choir of Singapore. And the thing is, nobody actually knew about that until she told us to come for her concert!
Well, what can I say.
It's actually the first time that I went to a choir concert (have always been going for band ones) and with all the bout of concerts that I've been attending lately, it suddenly serves to remind me that I lack music in my life and I seem to miss it after I've quit band.
Especially the band concert that I went to 2 weeks ago, now I suddenly know how it feels like to sit there and be part of the audience, just watching.
However, I'm not like majority of the audience who go there and listen for 2.5 hours, some sleeping, some fiddling with the keychain on their bag, some checking their phone periodically.
I actually knew and experienced what it was like to be performing in front of a 500-strong audience on stage, and the story before that.
It isn't as easy as it seems.
Behind the beautiful and glamourous facade of music playing is actually months of hard work, lashings and sometimes even tears and the feeling of inferiority.
However, what is shown on stage is only the end-product and that, sadly is the price that audiences pay to go and watch, however they do not know or take into account the hard work that performers put in before that
Which is actually, worth much more than the performance itself.
Thats why, no performer can actually be labelled a loser.
Whether you practice and train really hard for 12 months for a competition, and even if you don't win it by name, you're a winner in itself considering the hard work and effort that you put in.
Anyhoo, dunno if you get me or not. But yeah.
Anyway, I enjoy going for concerts at the Esplanade. It just gives me a grand feeling and makes me feel on top of the world as I sit on the plush chair and gaze up at the ceiling above, music surrounding my ears.
It's ceiling is made up of a intricate network of beams and wires, all for performing and sound purposes. I think it looks really magnificent. I love concert halls which are dark and mysterious with an old-era feel.
I like to believe I'm in Elizabethan times. Haha.
The choir singers were really good, and Lim Yau's conducting as expected, was excellent.
Grace looked really pretty in her tight and sexy corset top plus gown.
Kinda makes me wish I was in choir last time.
How come band concert attire not sexy one ah?
My concert attire for band always consisted of a simple executive kinda shirt and long, drab pants with COURT SHOES.
Great shoes... For when I'm in the coffin!
Yes, I'm not kidding. You know, court shoes, aka old granny shoes?
They're not even called court heels, or goodness's sake because there is NO heel. What exists, however is a big square block at the bottom which is as ugly, as a rotten tofu block.
I think band concerts would be much more appealing if,
1) The girls could wear more feminine and un-structured costumes. Like, a long black dress for example? No worries for indecent exposure.
Ignore photo of un-appealing girl. Dress is just for illustrative purposes.
2) Sharper looking 2-inch stilettos. Why not, since we sit down most of the time? We do not have to run or prance around on stage.
2 inches is the minimum requirement for walking and standing for long hours.
3) Beautiful hairstyles instead of the usual no-fuss boring pony-tail.
Way to go.
I also think that more band concerts could do with a bit more acting/dancing element in it. It's the acting that actually attracts the people who are not so concerned about music, but basically going there to support their family or friends. And that's most of the people.
Even if there's no acting/dancing, at least a slide show for each song. It would definitely make the concert a more enjoyable and interesting experience for non-music listeners.
It sucks to say this, but think about it: It's always so much easier to get a band concert ticket last minute than a dance or drama concert ticket, eh?
Oh wells. I spent more than 1 hour typing this entry! Time to get back to my work.
Will write about more interesting stuff next time.
Another emo entry again. Sorry.
Saturday, May 17, 2008 @ 7:27 PM
Anyway, I found out that I have the nasty habit of PROCRASTINATING.
Whadda ya mean I found out?
Yeah, actually I knew it long ago eh. Or rather, I have the nasty habit of procrastinating anything that is not important to me.
For example, I always have great ideas about what to write it my blog. That great idea would probably have stemmed from a tiny every-day observation in life, and as I ponder about it more, I feel like, "Hey, maybe that would make a great blog entry!"
And then I feel so excited to write about that certain blog entry and I actually get down to it straightaway.
Anyway, the outcome is:
a) It's either I write it till late in the night when I get damn tired
b)I'm suddenly interupted by a phone call of sorts, and I totally forget about that entry!
When I do get back to it, I don't feel like writing it anymore.
And so I will procrastinate and drag on... Blah blah blah until my 'Edit Posts' page is filled with many half-written entries, un-published.
Sometimes it's because these entries actually contain my raw, personal feelings and I don't really wish to reveal them to the whole world.
Or maybe it's because I write a terrible bitchy entry about someone when I'm pissed, and after I cool down and read it again, I do sound very much like a bitch.
So all these are no-gos on my blog.
Now you know why my updates always seem to take forever?
Anyway, as the title suggests, this is gonna be an emo entry.
I don't know if you're reading this, and I have something to say.
I do not know if you are worth this.
Or am I just wasting my time? Precious youth spent.
Perhaps I'm someone who can't avoid this. I don't even know if I want you. Do I have a need for you?
After these few weeks of absence,
I'm starting to doubt what I think and how I feel.
Maybe it's because I didn't even feel this way in the first place. I was made to feel this way, by myself and by unnecessary circumstances.
It's funny how I can actually train my mind to think one way, unwittingly.
Then why am I still walking on a unknown path with a dead end? What am I even in search for?
After all, I do know that my pot of gold only lies behind a rainbow.
I need to find that rainbow.
Perhaps, I may reach it eventually or I may not even see it in my entire life.
Perhaps, I'm someone who can put up with many things. Or perhaps, I'm someone who is easily satisfied with the simplest things in life.
Perhaps, I'm actually someone who has really high expectations.
You know, the things you give me aren't really what I want. I don't need all that, I need what stems from the basic.
Perhaps the things I give you aren't really what you want.
I seriously don't know.
And I don't even wish to know.
You get what I mean?
Maybe, these 3 weeks is a sign or a revealing answer, that was actually hiding in the 'Fragile - Do Not Ponder' access in my mind all the time along.
Except I chose to see the better side of things. I should stop seeing through rose-tinted lenses. It probably isn't as glorious as I choose to see it.
You're a rational person. I believe you already saw this a long time ago.
And, you're a sincere and humble person.
I believe you will make someone very happy with what you can give.
Although it makes me happy sometimes, I'm not looking for and do not need what you can give.
I actually want, and need something else.
Perhaps my happiness was only built on the fact that what I need can stem from what you give me right now.
Except, it's not even showing. For ages.
Instead, I feel tied down and restricted to doing the things which you only want to see. I can't do anything that makes me happy, because these aren't the things you want to see.
I need to be free, and and to be myself.
I'm not an inflatable plastic doll, neither a Stepford wife.
I don't like going out with someone where it's so compressed, I would love to be able to express my energy, true feelings and emotions when I'm with someone. I love to be able to make someone laugh and to laugh with someone.
I need answers.
Friday, May 09, 2008 @ 10:47 PM
I know you wish you could be me,
Sometimes, I wish I could just be like you.
You mentioned that although you couldn't really get along with me at first as we had total contrasting personalities, you soon grew to understand my virtues and understand the person that I fully am.
I thank you for that.
Actually, to tell you the truth... Although I feel that we have two complete different personalities, I've always, always, always -
Admired your character from the first day I knew you.
You say I have the ability to let things go easily, to be cheerful and optimistic, to offer truthful, proper advice to people and yet take myself for who I really am.
One day, I wish I could just be more REALISTIC.
I so wanna be like you.
Can't you tell?
Even as we were friends a few years earlier, and when you shared with me your problems, and the answers I tried to give you whilst I listened and to be a good friend - Actually, I was more of listening how YOU would tackle them.
I wish I could tell myself - "No, this isn't right. Stop being so flexible/idealistic. You can't do this, it isn't good in the long term."
I wish I could tell myself to stop being so idealistic.
Stop being so romantic. Stop viewing the world in rose-tinted lenses, everything isn't actually what I picture it to be.
Sometimes, I would pause and laugh at those who are cynical, those who are constantly sarcastic about things.
I can't stand living in negativity.
But yet, they are the realistic people and somehow they always seem to do better in life.
I just couldn't understand how they could stand being so negative.
And they probably couldn't understand why I was always so unlike them. So positive, so "simplistic", so "naive".
I hate being called naive.
I know I ain't. I do know the evil lurkings of our society, I do know how to tell when something isn't right or someone is wrong.
It's just that, I choose to believe that everybody actually has a good side to them.
Tell me, am I wrong?
I bet you would always have a 1000 reasons to counter my thinking. But then again, I can't say they're wrong.
It's just that we're 2 different human beings who operate on 2 different systems.
Sometimes, I wish I could be more upright. And tell myself, force myself to choose what is right. Instead of sticking with whats wrong and just accepting things as the way it is.
I have so many things I want to do in the future.
I have so much time to meet new people.
I have so many things to communicate, and to share with others.
I just need to stop, right here.
Yes, I really do look up to you, in some ways.
Although, sometimes I can't really understand your cynical thinking. The world really isn't as bad as you make it out to be.
However, today I look back on what you wrote on your blog entry and I realise that I should learn to deal with things the way you are dealing with them right now.
Systematically, rightfully and selfishly. Even though the truth may hurt.
Just learn how to deal with it.
I want to.
Monday, May 05, 2008 @ 8:30 PM
I'm suffering from heart burn.
Why do I feel this way?
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
my favourite things!satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)
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