there's no real
love in you
Monday, April 28, 2008 @ 6:53 PM
I'm having minor cramps now. Not as major as last night, but just a little tingly nauseous feeling in my tummy. Feels like it's been brewing there for hours.
Anyway, today I played netball during PE and it was really fun but got me all hot and sweaty.
And you know what happens after sweat dries up.
You become sticky.
I hate that feeling. Feels like you can just adhere yourself to anything.
When I sit down on plastic chairs, my thighs feel warm and uncomfortable. My skin literally sticks to the chair.
Combine that with on-off menstrual cramps, hunger and sleepiness (slept at 3am last night) and you get an instant spell for PMS.
So naturally, when I got home, the first thing I did was to HEAD FOR THE SHOWER.
Mmmm. Warm water trickling down from the shower head.
I was innocently lathering shampoo and massaging it into my hair when suddenly, I felt my foot being tickled. As my eyesight was semi-blurred without my glasses, I looked down and squinted.
It looked vaguely like a small, black hairy mess.
Must be a bunch of loose hair which fell onto the floor when I was shampooing.
I looked away and continued shampooing. I felt the little object tickling my foot again.
It was banging into my foot against the water current. Seemed like it was trying to get on top of it.
"Wth?" I thought. I reached for my glasses which was perched precariously on the edge of the shelf.
When I put on my glasses, I realized what was in front of me.
I froze in shock.
No, it wasn't a ball of hair.
A freaking ugly black beetle with a HORN on its head.
I am very certain, that I saw a horn on its head. It looked exactly like this species. (whatever, didn't think beetles had that many species)
It was large, hard and shiny as though it had slime all over its back.
And apparently it had tried to climb over my foot.
My poor foot.
And goodness knows what else it would have done if I had let it continue its journey.
Crawl up my body?
And onto my face?
I just stared at the beetle. It was banging against my foot because of the water current.
First instinct: Stomp on it, hard.
Nuh-uh, look at it's large horn. I don't want my foot to have a hole.
So, I took the shower spray and turned on the highest temperature, full speed. I aimed it away at the beetle so that it could crawl freely away from my foot in the meantime.
Meanwhile, I waited for the water to slowly get hot.
Soon, it was scalding hot.
I kept my eye on the poor bugger (it was now crawling towards the side of the shower area, near the wall) and aimed FULL BLAST at it.
The beetle just flew its way towards the drain, half swimming and struggling in agony.
And I didn't know since when I had gotten kinda sadistic, but I actually smiled and felt a sense of satisfaction seeing the little bugger struggle for its life.
Then I took toilet paper and kiap-ed the poor victim tightly.
I headed to the toilet bowl and promptly dropped it in.
With a flush, it was gone.
I hate beetles.
Sunday, April 27, 2008 @ 12:48 PM
I was feeling bored today and just decided to read an ex's blog.
What can I say?
I feel a little... shocked.
Shocked at what he is going through now. I mean, is this the person I used to know?
He has since morphed into an jaded, destructive, sadistic and vengeful creature who does not know how to love.
He does not even seem to know how to love himself.
He goes around hurting innocent people's hearts and going on rebound relationship after relationship.
To think I once thought that he was the most un-selfish person in this world who had a large capacity to love.
Perhaps, I never really understood him.
Of course I was upset with him after our break-up and I did not talk to him for a long while after that, but all the time I would have thought his life was going to be better.
After all, mine slowly became better as time passed. As they say, time heals all wounds.
However, I totally refused to open up to people about our break up, and even if I wanted to talk about it, I would try not to reveal too much and have a neutral point of view.
In short, I just did not want to have anything to do with him anymore.
I thought this would make me forget about all the painful experience entirely, and it sure did.
Now, when I read his blog and his life now, and I look at the person he has evolved into - I just look back at the days we spent together and I feel like it was actually time lost.
Precious time in my youthhood, when I could have just done SO MUCH better and spread my wings to fly.
Sometimes, I even wonder, "Why was I with him in the first place, like seriously?"
I even tried to understand him and to change his negative character.
But in the end my wits just tired out. It was a wild roller-coaster ride, yes.
It made me learn that you can never change someone, but only yourself.
His life seems like a mess right now.
He seems like a mess.
His blog tells his story. He gets depressive, then indulges in alcohol, clubbing, womanising and even goes to the extent of cursing his own Mom.
And somehow all these sadistic pleasures gets him into a delirious state of high.
Now, I don't really know the situation between you and your Mom right now, so I am in no position to comment - but I believe as basic humans the very least we could do is to have self-respect for our own parents.
I am kinda shocked that his life has changed totally and it makes me feel a little sad for him, even for the poor people he hurt whom I do not know.
That's because I've been through the same experience before.
It hurt me like crap emotionally, but it made me understand how to deal with people better and how to deal with a relationship.
And we all know, the worst kind of pain to deal with isn't physical, but psychological and emotional.
Although I can't exactly say that I'm doing WONDERFULLY right now, but I still think I'm better off than him.
I am actually glad for the experience of letting me meet him and to understand him, and then to be broken.
Because I did learn something in the end.
I am doing much better now, after all.
And I guess I could show him that I can do even better, by improving my life.
On a sidenote, I do feel sorry for him and his life right now, but to think about it.
Karma bites you back in the butt when you least expect it.
Get a life.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008 @ 4:21 PM
I want this phone.
One of the things I dislike when I go shopping...
Tuesday, April 08, 2008 @ 12:57 AM
It's a beautiful sunny day, and you're browsing in a tastefully decorated shop with nice ambience and soft music playing in the background.
You reach out for an emerald green chiffon top on the hanger, to look at it.
Before you know it.
You hear deep breathing down your neck.
"Wha--" You wonder out loud. "Whose that?"
"Do you need help, Miss?" A cold and trying-very-hard-to-sound-polite voice asks.
"Nope, it's okay. I can browse around myself." You answer equally politely, and walk away from the rack, leaving the chiffon top behind.
Hmmm, where should I go next? You think.
You decide to head towards the accessories section, in a bid to shake her off.
However just when you thought she was gone, you soon hear the careful threading of footsteps behind you, and it is synchronised towards every step that you take.
It is as if she is trying to predict where you are going to next.
Argh, such a turn-off. You think to yourself. I wish I could be left alone.
"Miss, would you like to try on this top?" she asks, and holds up a dark brown, dangy three quarter sleeved top which is completely not to your liking.
"It's okay," you smile politely.
"How about this?" she asks again, and pushes a pair of black high-waisted shorts towards you. "Try it!" Her PR eyes light up in a very glassy and non-commital manner.
You look at the shorts. You would rather be killed than to step out of your house in it.
"Nope, it's okay." You say again, wishing very much that you could just leave this instant.
I dislike it when sales people are clingy, following you around the shop wherever you go.
Half of the time, it's not like they could give proper opinions, because everyone has different opinions and tastes.
Do they even know me in the first place? Do they know the type of clothes I like to wear?
Do they know my taste?
If not, kindly leave me alone, thank you.
Some people just like to be left alone when shopping, like me.
I love shopping alone.
Of course I do enjoy browsing and window-shopping with my friends, but when it comes to the real deal, I prefer to go by myself.
That's because I know that I'll take a long time to choose the item that I like, having to weigh the pros and cons, and I don't like having to make somebody wait for me.
Unless it's my Mom, but that's because it means she can pay for me.
It kills the mood for me entirely when I enter a lovely shop and I am being watched the whole time.
The moment I enter a shop, a salesgirl eyes me from a distance like I'm some precious kill and immediately walks over, hovering around me the entire time when I am in the shop.
I don't know about you, but it sure feels unsettling for me.
I suppose when you go shopping, surely you do not like to be followed and kept a close watch on, especially when you are trying to make a decision?
It kills my mood entirely.
Stop following me around, so that I could have a clearer mind to look at your wonderfully displayed items which you took a long time to painstakingly lay out, and decide which one I want to purchase.
Think about it this way, dear.
I might do you a favour, if you don't hover around to annoy me with your silly sales talk.
I don't need recommendations.
I know what I want and what suits me.
It's just really annoying and uncomfortable to be watched. What are you, a human-alarm-bell system?
Do you REALLY, honestly think that I would grab a dress off one of your racks and run off with it...?
Only the true professionals know how to deal with their customers.
1. Greet them from afar when they walk into the shop.
2. Do not follow them around the entire time.
3. Only answer when your opinion is being asked for.
4. And, smile positively if you are being complimented.
I am exasperated with how some people think, really.
Some sense-less salespeople ought to be banished.
2 days ago.
Friday, April 04, 2008 @ 12:16 AM
2 days ago - I made a very important decision, which I have been thinking over for the past 6 months.
This is very personal and I don't wish to go into details here, but I am very sure that my close friends and those whom I know in person understand what actually happened.
I believe that I have made the right decision, and I will not regret it.
I am very happy and relieved that I chose to clear things up finally, because I have postponed this decision for long due to a certain fear and uncertainty in me to acknowledge the real situation.
Hopefully, this will mark a significant chapter in my life and I am looking forward to this fresh new start.
I also thank you for understanding me, and sincerely, it wasn't what I would have expected from you at this point in time.
So - Thank You, and I really appreciate it.
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
my favourite things!satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)
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