there's no real
love in you
Friday, June 29, 2007 @ 9:03 PM

I dunno you well.

I cannot trust you.

I don't even know who to trust anymore.

Thursday, June 28, 2007 @ 3:15 PM


Now, what's so special about this, you ask?
People in America are queueing up for this despite the fact that it's only going to be launched 2 days later.

"The iPhone is a multimedia and Internet-enabled mobile phone by Apple, announced by company CEO Steve Jobs during the keynote at the Macworld Conference & Expo on 9 January 2007, that is scheduled to be released on 29 June 2007 in the U.S. at 6 p.m local time."

I just saw the video for the iPhone on Youtube and I was, okay, I admit. I was KINDA enthralled by its sleek, pristine white look and its functions.

In fact, I wasn't just kinda. I was amazed by what it can do.

"The iPhone's functions include those of a camera phone, a multimedia player, mobile phone, and Internet services like e-mail, text messaging, web browsing, Visual Voicemail and wireless connectivity. iPhone input is accomplished via touchscreen with virtual keyboard and buttons. The iPhone is a 2G quad-band GSM phone, though Jobs mentioned in his keynote that Apple has a "plan to make 3G phones" in the future."

I mean, who wouldn't kill for an iPhone? Most girls are not into gadgets and I'm a really girly girl, thus I'm not that into gadgets (ask me what's a Dopod and I probably can't give you the answer) but I totally adore this little baby.

If only I had 500 USD to buy it.
It's touchscreen is state-of-the-art and I do appreciate it's zoom function but seems like it is easy to leave fingerprints on it. Imagine how many times you would have to wipe your phone just to keep it clean and presentable looking.

Also, one big disadvantage is that if it runs on AT&T internet network, it would be really really slow.

Another thing is that I don't fancy watching videos on a small screen. Thats why I didn't get the iPod video and chose the Nano instead. I don't really get the iPod video, it's really big to fit onto my palm, and any girl's hand for that matter, is smaller than an average guys'. It's too big and would not be able to fit into my handbag if I do happen to carry small purses. And despite the fact that it's so big, it's screen is pretty small so I wouldn't be able to watch shows as clearly, as say, on a computer screen.

I like huge screens to watch movies on. The bigger, the better.

Thats why I only watch in movie theatres.

But what I LOVE about the iPhone is it's sleek look. It looks cool. It looks at the moment.
And also, I have to admit. It does have an apple logo behind it.

All anti-Mac users would curse at me now, and the Mac supporters would smile in agreement.
But it's true.
The reason why I bought an iPod, and not a Creative Zen is because-

It's an iPod.


I don't own that many high-tech gadgets though.
I'm pretty much a scrimp-and-save girl, and I basically work hard and save up to buy every gadget of mine.
None of my parents' money.

And I make sure I make full use of my iPod by listening to it for at least 2 hours everyday with its volume at full blast. Haha, I'm guilty of listening to it LOUDLY on trains and buses. Sorry.

My ears need sound surround.

"The iPhone will be available from the Apple Store and from AT&T Mobility, formerly Cingular Wireless, with a price of US$499 for the 4 GB model and US$599 for the 8 GB model, based on a two-year service contract. Apple intends to make the phone available in Europe in Q4 2007 and in Asia in 2008."

Too bad I'd have to wait close to another year for it to be able to come to Asia and probably Singapore. Yeah, our ulu red dot on the map. Not even red, but virtually un-noticeable on our map.

Maybe I'd have saved up USD500 by then.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007 @ 8:20 AM

My double eyelid disappeared.

Due to lack of sleep or something. I'm not sure.

Hmmm. It used to be that, one of my eyes had almost triple eyelid while the other had a slight double. As a result, I always looked out of balance.

Like one eye big one eye small.

says this picture looks Emo and forlorn.
It kinda suits my feelings now.

This picture is too dark.

Haha, not my fault that my hair actually fell to cover my single eyelid. Actually I realised that I part my hair in a way that it ends just above my single eyelid! And I didn't notice this before.

Now that it's gone,
Maybe both of my eyes are even now.

Like, both eyes SMALL.

My mom told me to go put on some cucumber eye mask or something. Haha. I sound bimbo.

Sunday, June 24, 2007 @ 2:11 AM

I'd only want to make you smile.

Friday, June 22, 2007 @ 5:43 AM


Samantha Tan, I mean.

Sam is coming back on Saturday and she's bringing me Havaiana's slippers! The pink one. And Starburst gummies! Though I dunno what's that. But you say it's good. And I trust you.
Hehe I can't stop grinning from head to toe.
I love you girl.
I miss you so much.
Better come home soon. Safe and sound.

We'll bring you around Singapore again! Remember, this is the only food paradise on Earth.
We'll pig out on

Hokkien Mee

Sambal stingray (yum my favourite!)


and chicken rice! Whooo I'm hungry

(photo courtesy from my aunt's food blog, Aromacookery)

Looking at all these food is making me so hungry. Haha. Visual visual

I need some weight~
I just weighed myself today and my mom was kinda surprised that I lost weight even though recently I ate more. Argh. Must be due to the genes or something.
Now. I'm only 43 kg.
Even the nurse was like, wth. "Girl, you're so light?"

Hehehe. I can eat and eat and I'll still stay er, like this? I guess I should be thankful.
I once mentioned to my cousins that I think I'm fat, and they gave me the "You want us to kill you ah" look, 3 of them at the same time.

I once remembered Ben tried to carry me. And he actually succeeded piggybacking me and he said I'm really light too. Oh wells. That was fun.


By the way, he's actually 70 plus kg. Lol. If he sat on me, I think I would have died.

Too bad History is on Saturday. Darn stupid.
The only stupid thing that's interrupting my day.

@ 5:15 AM

It's 515am.
I just had a 3 hour chat with my friend, and I feel so so soooo good.

In fact, I feel so alive.

Thanks girl. -hugs-

"To see the World in a grain of sand,
and a Heaven in a wildflower,
and hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
and Eternity in an hour."

~William Blake.

Thursday, June 21, 2007 @ 11:35 AM

Lately, it's the GSS so I got this pair of slippers for quite cheap...

Haha. Yeah. I know.

It's from BATA.

Haha, they actually copied the exact colour scheme of Tiffany's. In a attempt to be more upmarket, I guess.


$15 only! Cheap or not.

Unfortunately, size 8 ain't my size. It's a bit too big for me. I'm a size 7.
And well, they didn't have any of 7s left.
Thinking of going to replace it soon.

Went to Hougang Mall with my mom yesterday and the first thing I saw was a BATA, so I exclaimed, "Mummy, slippers!" haha and she had to come along with me.

Not my fault kays. My old slipper spoilt already a long time ago and I had to share slippers with my maid (while going on errands) until recently where her's actually broke apart too. It happened while I was carrying a cake home and I had to walk two blocks bare-footed while uncles were under my deck waiting for 4D results.

Hmmm. I don't really like those uncles who crowd around the void deck. For one thing, they're REALLY bored while waiting. So they have nothing to do except stare at people who walk past. And it really is kinda disturbing. When I go down to run errands, they're always there. When I go to church, they're there also. And they always look at me, what am I wearing etc.

Hmmm. Please don't look at people when they walk past!

So, I'm always forced to walk one big round around some cars and vans so that probably it would block me from the uncles' sight.

Mike said they are pervy uncles. Too old already. Right.

Anyway, at Hougang Mall, my mom and I had lunch at the food court on the topmost floor. Suddenly, I thought I saw someone I shouldn't have seen.

It was.

Argh, there I was drinking some chicken soup and he suddenly appeared with his friend in front of me. Apparently I wasn't sure if it was him cos my vision was slightly blurred. They were a pair of two sweaty guys (haha, sorry, sounds kinda wrong) who apparently looked like they just came back from gyming and I vaguely remember, yes, my ex boyfriend used to go to the gym quite often.

So I was like, blinking and trying to look again.

Then. I realised. Haha, it wasn't. Phew.
Just some weird random guy who looks like him lah.

Oh yeah, did I mention? In a short span of two weeks, I saw my ex boyfriend's mom, sister and father in three different places, at three different times. The only people left were his brother and The Ex Himself, but cannot be lah, his brother is in Australia still. My ex, apparently, is back.

Scary hayy.
It would be such an awkward situation if I actually bumped into him.

With my mom.

Oh wells, back to the topic of slippers.

I originally wanted to get one from M)phosis, I already had my eyes on it. It was a pure white one, one of my favourite colours actually. But I was afraid it would get dirty easily. Mike was also there to convince me that white is impractical lah, why girls like white ah, and being the practical and no-nonsense guy that he is, he actually picked up an ugly brown one.

Sophie and I was like, "Yucks. Brown! You got no sense of taste ah?"
Haha. SO funny.

"Slipper leh. Later step into puddle then how?" he said.
"I won't step into puddles one. I'm very careful." I claimed.
"Better get the other one."

My friend Mike is very practical.

In the end, Sophia debated with Mike about which colour slipper to choose.
And I just ignored them. Oh wells.
Haha I don't know why but I just like white.

Anyway, am feeling kinda happy now that I already got my slippers.

Back to studying.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 @ 2:57 PM

Went out with Bay and Cherie today after the sleepover. We went to have breakfast at 11 plus at Novena. Ordered Ah Mei's kaya toast, ice milk tea and prata.

I love their ice milk tea. It's really milky and creamy and I like that it's quite thick and not so diluted. Better than milo peng anytime. It's perfect for a warm day.

Hmmm. I love milky and creamy stuff.
Too bad it kinda doesn't add to my height. Haha.

Anyway, list of my favourite drinks:
1) Ice milk tea (only from Ah Mei's)
2) Milo peng
3) Ice ribena

Some of my peers like drinking. Vodka and all sorts. Especially guys just like drinking beer or something. I tried drinking before and I must say it sucks. Doesn't taste nice.

Beer is bitter. It makes me want to barf. Wine, is well, slighty fruitier (though I can't really taste the grapes) and in my opinion, everytime I drink wine I really start thinking of the feet. Yup, the feet used to mash those grapes and which perhaps add some flavour to it.

Another thing about drinking is. The awkward and not-so-pretty circumstances that girls get themselves into when they're drunk. They act like one of the boys, throws up all over the place, and walk in circles. Not a pretty sight. Also, their breath smells funny.

I wonder which guy would wanna kiss a girl who has beer breath.
Or perhaps a girl who smokes.

I personally wouldn't like to.

So, I'm not into smoking and drinking. Yeah.

Bay says that drunk girls who can't get a hold of themselves are a turn-off too. Yup, I absolutely agree. Especially drunk guys too. Well, I have this neighbour who always happens to be drunk and when we're in the same lift together, it fills up the whole lift. And I wonder if some of the smell clashes with my perfume, so that I when I walk out, I smell like I just drank. Hah.

On a lighter note, I might be getting a new phone soon. Or changing my line. Because my phone is pretty screwed.

I used kor's (Ian) phone to call my friend last night. Kinda disappointed at this friend who says that I'm doing something that I'm not. Well, if you don't know me well. Then don't even say that. You say other people are blind but you're not. Hmmm.

I don't care already lah. You are becoming a problem.

So in order to eliminate all problems... POOOFF!

Haha. Stuff to accomplish by this week:

2) Get present for friend

Shirt or hamster?

After walking around for 4.5 hours, and I dragged Bay along for a guy's opinion- I have decided to get a cheap shirt. Maybe a Giordano shirt. A pink or yellow Giordana polo shirt. And make him wear it. On the spot. Lol.

Always wear branded stuff eh. Now, it's time for a change! Let us see you in a non-branded shirt first. =p

Then after that you can go back to wearing your branded stuff.

Gotta go now. Study and meet friends at 6 to study more!

Monday, June 18, 2007 @ 3:59 PM

You keep questioning if what you are doing is right, but have you wondered if it might be wrong?

Es Una Coqueta Renombrada.

You are such an ichaicha.


Sunday, June 17, 2007 @ 3:17 PM

I thought of sharing this pic here.. Cos he is just too cute...

Cutie. =p

Thursday, June 14, 2007 @ 11:39 PM

Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Honestly, they do not have a store in Singapore and I was questioning what's all the hype about. Over-rated buzz? After all, they're just donuts. Donuts everywhere also got. I once had a friend who queued up 3.5 hours just to get me some donuts at The Donut Factory in Raffles City Shopping Centre, and I really felt extremely touched because queueing up that long was a little unexpected. But after I ate them I was like, woooh this is so darn good.

And I personally do not like sweet stuff, especially those salty food (read: everything except cakes, confectionery, sweets and chocolates) which 'act sweet'. For example,

List of foods which I don't like
1) Chinese Barbequed Pork (Bak Kua)
2) Satay - don't like the sweet sauce and the sweet honey-ish taste of the meat. In my opinion, meat tastes much better when it's savoury.
3) Pork floss - It's sweet and it melts in your mouth. So it's like you're basically eating nothing. Candy floss is much better.

Yeah, I'm just weird like that. =)


Anyway, donuts came today!

Flown in a jet plane over from Melbourne, Australia.

Kinda sweet.

I opened this box and I was like, wow.

Totally cheered up my mood because I was pissed over what a certain friend said to me today but after I ate some donuts, (some, not all) I reflected on what I said to him. That he's a 'flirt' and stuff. Which was actually pretty hurting, I thought. Cos he's actually a real nice person inside. And I realised that. Actually it doesn't mean anything much to me.

So cheers, if you're reading this. You're still my friend lah.
Go and resolve things with her. Soon!

So anyway, back to donuts. Still kinda skeptical, I took one bite.

Oh man, it was delicious.

What can I describe. Heaven on earth. Each piece literally melts in your mouth into some tangy goodness.

The original glazed donut, when heated up in the microwave for approximately 30 secs was totally. Rarr. Orgasmic.

Haha. Though I don't really know how exactly does an orgasm feels like (and ahem, it's a long time away. No sex before marriage ya) but I can imagine it must be pretty overwhelmingly divine!

And, it was.
The donut I mean.

I can't believe I haven't eaten Krispy Kreme before in my entire life and I always heard people talking about it. Like, Krispy Kreme is so darn good!

This guy even said:
We have Krispy Kreme in Buffalo and all the Singaporeans who go back to Singapore often pack them in ziplocks and tupperware as if they were trafficking drug. From what I’ve heard, there is nothing like Krispy Kreme out there, but the best way to eat it is to get the Original Glaze and have it while it’s still hot. This way the donut orgasmically melts in your mouth. Just wait for facial expressions when you present your friends some.

Haha. He said orgasmic too.

Whatever. Oh mannnn I love love love Krispy Kreme I just can't get enough of it.

Anyway, I forgot to mention. The person who sent it over was actually my ex boyfriend, who's actually my friend now (ya complicated personal story) and he's called Benjamin. So kudos to Benjamin! Thank you very much.

Hmmm. Speaking about ex boyfriends and the issue I experienced today.

I thought about stuff.

What is love?

Love is beautiful. Love releases endorphins, your little 'happy drug'. Love makes you happy.
Love makes me feel on top of heaven.

Seriously, for the previous relationship that I've been through. He made me feel as though I'm the luckiest girl in the world, always showering me with love. Cracking lame jokes etc. Nobody could understand me better, I felt.

But then there were also down times.
And, for now. I don't wanna go thru all the tough stuff again~ So for now, it's good that-

I'll stay single and carefree all through the whole of JC.

Sure, someone might think you're cute.

Major problem for me. When someone thinks that I'm cute I often end up observing more about that person, noticing his good points etc... and very often I end up falling for that person. Sheesh. Unless you happen to be the extremely irritating and intolerable kind.

And, small crushes might come up every now and then (I've been thru a few already) but- hey, let's just say I'll keep them as small crushes k. Let your friends tease you, whatever. But I don't care.

So what if I think someone is cute? Then think lah. Apparently I have a few friends around me who constantly like to magnify my crushes and stuff and from now on, I shall just laugh along. Har Har.

I have my own secret eye candy now.

Don't tell you.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007 @ 5:03 AM

I can't sleep.

Mosquitoes love me like crazy. I counted- 12 mosquito bites. On my arms and legs.

And it's so so so so itchy because I sleep with the air-con on and of course, wrapped in my comforter. It's usually warm and fluffy, and smells kinda sweet.

Side track: My room is, hands down, the nicest smelling room in the house. This is because I'm allergic to dust and so I try to distract myself from breathing it in (if it ever happens) by spraying Elizabeth Arden in my room sometimes.

Anyway, not to say that I waste perfume but Elizabeth Arden green tea scent is really nice. Well, at least it suits me. They say perfumes once sprayed onto your skin adhere to it differently, it differs from person to person, and how a perfume smells on you depends really much on your own body.

And how did I find out if this scent suits me?

It's because I once had this ex boyfriend (my first one), and when I went out with him on the first date, I felt so awkward and shy and didn't know much what to do. So you know, first dates - girls usually doll up a little more. And I decided to just grab any perfume on my mom's dresser. Turns out all her scents are either the miniature bottled kinds, which I do not fancy, or smelt really funny as they were kinda old.

And so I went for the outing.

The first thing he said when he saw me was, "What did you use? You smell good." And I just smiled and said, "It's some green tea perfume, haha." And I just expected him to nod nonchalantly. But then he looked surprised and said, "Green tea perfume?" And then he laughed and laughed as if green tea perfume was the funniest thing he ever heard.

I still remember saying, "Elizabeth Arden, okay."

So anyway, because of that little funny experience I really like that scent now. I realised that in the bottle it smells kinda iffy and light floral scent, but when it's on me it melts into some nice sweet nothing-ness.

But tonight, I keep tossing and turning and scratching. Argh. Trying not to scratch too much.

I just did scratch a few a little too much and then the skin broke. And now it's really pain and itchy. I wish I had someone to scratch for me. Like a personal scratcher. Haha.

Hmmm. It's 520am and I haven't slept yet. My neck hurts.

Gonna sleep soon.

Right now, I'm up because of someone.

Monday, June 11, 2007 @ 12:03 AM


Saturday, June 09, 2007 @ 6:03 PM

You're not ready.

I'm not ready.

So let's not.

Friday, June 08, 2007 @ 10:29 PM

Just read my previous entries.

And I don't mean the entries in this blog, I mean the soul-searching, long-forgotten entries in my old blog. The passion-filled entries, entries basically screaming with feelings and yes, happy bliss. The kind of raw, no-strings attached happiness that you would never find nowhere but in your childhood.

The feelings I had for people then. The feelings I had for music then. These were happy, loving feelings. I embraced them.

Little things that made me so happy then. Things that made me jump and shout and my little heart quiver with joy. Little, little things.

And I just realised, that it actually takes so little to make me happy.

Someone once asked me, "Are you a simple girl?".

Am I a simple girl?

I like to imagine myself as an onion. The first layer gets peeled off, and then the second layer. And then the third, and the fourth. And finally you get to the bulb of the onion. You touch it, and it feels smooth with little ridges around it.

I do have a little mystery to me. (:

And I like to imagine the people around me as story books. Pages waiting to be un-earthed and discovered with the flick of a finger. Stories untold and characters unseen. Most likely with a twist at the end.

I want to feel the love again.

I want to feel the love for music again. I want to feel the passion and energy I once had. I want to be able to listen to music and imagine a story unfolding from it. I want to have compassion for people. I want to feel for people.

To feel what they're feeling, and to be able to understand them.

Sometimes I walk around on the busy streets and I wonder to myself, "Why are so many people old and homeless?" If only I could give them a home, I would. If I could invite them over to my home and give them a proper meal. If I could set up shelters for them and to give them care. Anything to stop them from freezing in the cold

And to stop people from staring at them and pointing.

I wonder if people around me do seem to understand their pain.

Many a times I have wanted to rush up to these people and give them a hug. In spite of everything. If only a hug could solve all problems and bring a smile onto their faces. If only a hug could solve all indifferences in this world.

Unfortunately, it can't.

A friend once told me that she had been hurt really badly in the past. I wanted to ask her by who and why? But I kept quiet. Instead, I put my hand on top of hers and reassured her. Although I don't usually do things like that. I wanted to let her know that there are other people in this world who still love her.

I wonder why some people are so bent on hurting others that they do it out of pure contempt or simply just hatred for that person. It is a scary thought. I have been hurt many times before too. But those who were close to me, by people I loved. What strikes my heart the most is to be hurt by those whom you once loved. Despite the previous pain, I have forgiven and forgotten.

If I had one wish,

Just one little wish.

I want the homeless to have a shelter over their heads. I want the hungry and starved to have food on their tables.

I want to hug all the people in the earth who have been hurt before. I want to bring a smile onto their faces. I want them to feel loved, and be loved. I want to bring love all around the world.

But can I?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007 @ 11:08 PM

Hello stranger.

@ 11:04 AM

I'm confused.

@ 10:09 AM

I hate to say this


I miss you.

I miss the times when you called me for no reason at all,
and we chatted into the late hours of the night about nothing.

I miss your simple-ness.
I remember the time when you brought me to the kopitiam instead of Fish and Co (like you promised) for my birthday and we just sat on chairs like ah-bengs and had fun playing with food.
And all I can say is.
I appreciated it much more than any expensive place we've been to.

I miss you when you bend down to smell my hair
and say, "You're so sweet."

I remember the time when we had a stupid argument over no reason at all and we didn't talk to each other for 3 days.
After that we called each other and laughed and cried
and said,
"It was the stupidest thing I ever did."

I miss you the most when you're next to me and I can smell your scent.
Though I used to think it smelt weird.
Now it's the best man scent in the world
To me.

I miss you when you look at me and say something random like, "You know what. You're damn cute."

I miss the small little things you do for me which mean a lot.

I remember the times when I would go to your house
and we would cook dinner together
but carefree.
and warm

I miss hugging you and feeling your tall-ness.

I miss waking up in the mornings at 7am and dialing your number just to give you a wake-up call.
And then hearing your sleepy and groggy voice
always makes me feel that
It's all worth it.

I miss going to movies together
and laughing over the scary parts

I remember the time when you cried in front of me
Not in a sissy sobbing way
But more like a manly tears-are-falling way
And I felt so shocked and didn't know what to do
Cos it's the first time I saw you like this
But I put my arm around you
And hugged you the whole night
And comforted you.

I remember the 138th time I cried in front of you
You just said,
"Aiyah. Don't cry ok? Babies don't cry."
and smiled at me in that damn annoying way.
That I just couldn't help it
and started smiling
Even though I felt stupid.

I miss it when we go to the beach
And have a heart-to-heart talk about
Just anything in the world.
And I feel so connected to you
As if you're the only person who can understand me the most.

I miss you.

Sunday, June 03, 2007 @ 10:04 AM

I have held back this entry for a long time. Reading my Aunt Julia's entry titled "The End Of A Journey, The Continuation Of Another" brought back vivid memories of my beloved and dearest grandpa.

For those of you who do not know,

I loved him a lot.

Usually, when a sad thing happens in my life, I tend not to talk about it for fear of making myself think too much. I do have a tendency to think about stuff, more often that not.

I remember the day when Grandpa had a stroke. It wasn't just the first time, it was the 2nd time already. Yet I wasn't around to experience the first as I was in school for a camp. That night he had a stroke, would be his second and last.

I remember eating dinner with my brother and mom when the phone rang. As usual, nobody bothered to answer it.

After much endless bugging, my brother finally got off his chair and picked up the phone. He said, "Hello?" in a rather annoyed way, annoyed I guess about the person who interrupted our dinner.

Long silence.
Silence again.
"Mummy, Ye Ye fainted. He's going to hospital now."

A surge of emotions rushed through me.

I was rather shocked and a little non-plussed. I was shocked because it was so sudden to have it happen during dinner time. On the contrary, I was non-plussed because it wasn't the first time that Grandpa's gonna be admitted to a hospital. Thinking about it now, I feel ashamed and angry of my uncaring nature.

We rushed off to the hospital after dinner. I remember asking my mom, "Do we have to go? I have to study for my O levels next week."

I can't believe I asked that.

In the car, the journey was long and silent. The radio was tuned to 95.8FM, but we weren't listening to it. This was a certain channel my brother and I hated fervently, just because it was in Chinese and played cheesy oldie songs. But this time, nobody complained. It was my Grandpa's favourite radio station as he would often hum along to Teresa Tseng's soulful voice. That night, we just let her voice fill the entire wispy dry atmosphere.

When we reached the hospital, we found out we were the last to arrive. Daddy had got off his job and was among the first to reach there, so was Uncle Richard. And Aunt Julia with her husband, Uncle Ricky. My grandma was also there already.

They were looking at a screen which showed an x-ray of Gramp's brain. I then listened, or rather tried to, listen to the Doctor who was explaining the process of "what-went-wrong". Except that he was explaining it in cheem terms, and he used another term for the simple word "brain", which I forgot. During the explanation, I just stared at the x-ray and thousands of images ran through my head.

Memories from childhood, spent with Grandpa in his old house. We used to sit on the swing on warm nights after dinner and he would rock it gently, sometimes telling me stories. No matter what, he would also buy my brother and I sweets every time he came home from work, as we always pestered him.

My grandma was a firm believer that we ought to steer away from all foods that are cold, as she thought they were unhealthy, and I was banned from eating anything-that-was-cold when I was young. That included soft drinks, ice cream, chilled sandwiches, salad and the likes. Only my grandpa brought me and my brother out to eat ice cream every now and then, which was a major luxury then. He would also sneak us out to Macdonald's to eat fries, which was also a major no-no and would cause much disapproval and scoldings from my Grandma.

I loved my Grandpa so.
For his caring, warm and simple nature.

What if he passed away? What if he's going to go... just like that?

As I stared at the x-ray, I felt my eyes brim with tears. All I could hear was the doctor saying stuff like, "Right brain... Left brain... Freeze... Comatose position... Be prepared..." and I felt my nose stiffen and my heart ached so much, I wanted to keep pinching myself to see if it was just a dream.

Or perhaps a really bad nightmare.

I was urged to control my tears and I just stared at the x-ray, with the doctor's voice droning on in my head. It seemed so much like Biology lessons. I felt vacant and very distant. The picture of the x-ray slowly blurred, as more tears collected in my eye ducts. It was threatening to spill over.

Then, a lone tear drop rolled down my cheek.

And another.
My nose turned sour.
Images of times spent with my Grandpa kept running through my head, like movies playing without sound.

I could not control myself any longer.

I suddenly burst into tears, and sobbed and sobbed.

Everybody looked at me unexpectedly, some were shocked. What's a grand daughter doing crying in the middle of the emergency room when her grandpa's only in a coma, and the sons and daughters aren't even doing anything. My mom took my arm and tried to calm me down, then it didn't work. She tried to hug me.

But there I was crying and sobbing loudly, making a fool of myself in the emergency room but I did not care. My grandpa took the place over anything in the world then, and I did not care. I could hear the footsteps of passersby and still I sobbed uncontrollably.

I really loved him.
I could not bear to lose him.

That night, I was reluctant to go home, but still I did. I knew what was going to happen but I wasn't prepared for it.

I cried in the car home, and when I reached home.
I cried to sleep.
I felt as though I was crying till my eyes would dry out.
They turned puffy and swollen.

The next day, Grandpa passed away.

Saturday, June 02, 2007 @ 7:46 PM

Hmmmm. Did some random surfing online...

And I made a new discovery.

Just found out my Aunt Julia's (Daddy's younger sister) website on cookery. It's called, and you can feel free to take a look. She really is a good cook.

Some of the recipes in there are from my mom, aunt and grandma respectively.

I haven't thought of this before, but I just realised that my entire family consists of great cooks. The women, actually.
Even though I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I have definitely been eating wonderful food my entire life.
Most of them ain't posh nosh, because I'm a firm believer that even the cheapest and simplest foods which can make you feel better count.


Feeling kinda hungry now. Shall go make some tang yuan with bean curd, one of my favourite comfort foods.


 photo blah_zpslyri7kbd.jpg
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
psalm 27:4

my favourite things!
satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)

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