there's no real
love in you
Sunday, June 19, 2005 @ 11:16 AM
This is a little special something that I scavenged from Deb's blog. I feel crappy after reading it, but nonetheless it is a good piece.
This is my tribute to the nice girls.
To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong.
This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times.
This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood.
This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention.
This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word.
This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds."
This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on.
For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced.
This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed.
This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt.
This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.
This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.
This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.
This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup.
This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you.
I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had.
This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.
This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep.
This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear.
This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted.
This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.
By Jessica Leigh Griffith
@ 3:56 AM
10 random things about me
#1. I can't roll my tongue. No matter how I train myself, it's like zilch.
#2. I have a high threshold for any form of pain.
#3. I have double eyelids, and sometimes triple if I get out on the right side of bed.
#4. I'm not Christian, or any religion. I'm a free-thinker.
#5. I always have brain flashes of myself sitting amidst a grassy field with poppies and beautiful flowers, talking to my loved one. We have wind blowing in our hand, and that feeling of deja vu.
#6. I have small hands, and if you do hold my hand, you will find that I have a really faint grip.
#7. I used to have wavy and really shiny jet black hair, but now it' all straight.
#8. I'm really afraid of moths, butterflies or bugs with large colourful wings.
#9. I like being sweet to almost everyone, unless they're too bitchy/spiteful/mean/unreasonable for rescue.
#10. My favourite ice cream flavour is not chocolate. It's tartufo. Very original. It can only be found at Venezia. (:
9 places I've visited/been to
#1. Disneyland is always worth remembering.
#2. I have this semi-distant grand aunt and uncle and they used to own this HUGE house on a hill in L.A. and it was just so gorgeous. I was totally spell-bound walking into the hall for the first time. Such a good feeling. I slept there for a night!
#3. The toilet in the executive suite at the Ritz Carlton in Beijing, it has two sinks! I love huge, marble-polished toilets with rain showers.
4. The beach on a deserted island south of Phuket. It has sparkly clear waters, and itsy bitsy coral fish that swim around your legs to tickle you when you feed them bananas.
#5. The ice-cream parlor at the gas station in New Zealand. It had over 30 or 40 divine flavors! Just HEAVENLY.
#6. The beautiful quarry at OBS. 205 m of water and wildlife.
#7. THE BOYS' ROOM! As a kid. Shhh. :D
#8. Australia, Gold Coast. I loved licking on the carameled candy, as I sat on Mommy's lap on a horse carriage.
#9. Starbucks at Shaw, near Wheelock, Cali Fitness, Raffles City. Starbucks is my best friend.
8 things I want to do before I die
#1. Organize a really smashing wedding bash. The kind that people remember for the rest of their lives.
#2. Ride in a hot air balloon.
#3. Sunrise/sunset and everything in between exclusively with someone I love and cherish and boo.
#4. Be in a really well-planned well-executed photoshoot.
#5. Go bungee jumping off a helicopter in somewhere with really gorgoeus scenery. That's definite. Maybe I could do that when I'm like, 90 with wiry white hair.
#6. Own a pair of Gucci heels.
#7. Find a best friend.
7 ways to win my heart
#1. Make sure that I think of you as a good friend, first.
#2. Be intelligent, VERY intelligent. And quick, you know, witty, sarcastic, funny.
#3. Ignore me/Play hard to get! It's not fool proof though.
#4. Admit that I'm too awesome, even for words. Which is usually easy really, specially if you're being dishonest.
#5. Acceptance, unconditional, always. Or almost always, because I'm kind.
#6. Remember cute little details, not in the gay way, in the sensitive way. Like I would be really touched if you remembered something insignificant I told you 2 months ago.
#7. Be your sweet-ass self, because if I love you I wouldn't care.
6 things that annoy you
#1. Over-confidence in the undeserving.
#2. Self-absorbtion paired with a low IQ.
#3. Uncontrollability of anything regarding self.
#4. Insincerity from others, to others, especially when expressing concern.
#5. Rude, insensitive flirts. SIGH. Just get a hold on yourself.
#6. Inability to just shut it off and let it go.
5 things I'm afraid of
#1. The dark, still, ever since I was _ years old.
#2. Not being happy.
#3. That boogey monster in The Village. And the spines. You know, it just freaks me all out.
#4. Losing a loved one. I can't imagine that happening one day.
#5. Not achieving what I aimed for.
4 of my favourite things in my bedroom
#1. My wardrobe filled with tons of delectable things!
#2. Memories leftover from my old friends. Beautiful trinkets and presents, old photographs. I thrive on memories.
#3. Patrick, because without him I wouldn't have something to hug onto at night when I sleep. GROW UP, STOP LAUGHING!
#4. My bed, because that's what a bedroom is all about.
3 things I do everyday
#1. Wake up late unless I have an early appointment. Days when I used to rise and shine at 8 am, are long gone.
#2. Talk to my friends on the phone. Communication makes sure we don't drift apart.
#3. Brush my teeth. That's the first thing I do when I wake up, and I have to do it at least 3 times a day.
2 things I want to do right now
#1. Play Omens of Love.
#2. Get a nice Hershey's white chocolate bar with cookie bits in it.
1 person I want to see right now
#1. If I said nobody I would be lying.
Day of My Life
Saturday, June 18, 2005 @ 3:53 PM
I'm so shagged after tonight! Hehe.
Day of my life
0900 am: I woke up. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, brushed my hair. And then I thought about taking a shower though it's so early.
0915: I changed my mind about taking a shower.
0930: Went to take a morning jog on the threadmill.
1000: I'm feeling all freshed and awake. Went upstairs, flicked on the tv and then I ate a granola bar.
1030: Nothing nice to watch. I shall decide to wear on the phone with Mel now.
1130: Still crapping on the phone.
1230: Took a nice, long bath.
0100: It's dressing up time! Outfit: Black tube top with my denim jacket and white mini skirt. Shoes: Undecided.
0110: I dress up much faster than I take to shower.
0115: Decided on my shoes. I'm not wearing heels since it hurts so much. So I've got my white ballet pumps.
0120: Grabbed my bag and got outta the house.
0125: Went back. I forgot my keys.
0130: Walking still.
0135: At the MRT station.
0145: At Orchard Mrt.
0150: Mel called.
0155: YAYE. We meet!
0200: Walking with Mel and talking about random stuff. We get approached by some guys asking us to do a survey. We gladly do it.
0210: Went up with Mel to Wisma Atria and walked around the shops. Visited French Connection since she wanted to go look at the shoes there. And then Topshop, looking for our Daddys' gifts. Can't find any suitable stuff yet. But there were loads of funky hats!
03-something: Wisma is too boring. Visited Kinokuniya in search of some books for intelletual Dad. Can't find anything much except some very cute Doctor Suess books and oh-so-pretty little Japanese stickers. I like.
0400: Bumped into Peiyi Ade and gang. Bumped into Nat Bala and Joce too.
0430: OUR SEARCH IS OVER! I got dad's dream cufflinks! YAYE rejoice rejoice! It cost $62.90 and I think I'm more broke than before.
0445: In our jubilation we decide to stop over at Mos to reward ourselves with those tempting Ichigu strawberries! Yummy. Even better than chocolate fondue. Talked random stuff about ahem.
0530: Bid farewell to dear Mel.
0545: Met up with Amos and found out that his supposedly coming-along friend, changed his mind like last minute. So it's just us two. Lol.
0600: Showed him the present. YAYE, so he says it's good. Thanks Amos!
0610: We both aren't hungry. Yet.
0630: Decided to catch a movie at Cine. We watched Mr and Mrs Smith. What a funny show! No, it isn't all action. I had the laughs halfway and we both just couldn't stop laughing man! Gee.
0830: Movie ended.
0900: Headed out to dinner at Taka. Haven't had such good food and a nice conversation in a long time.
1000 pm: Had ice cream at Venezia!
1030: Walked down the streets of Orchard, talking about our old times. Have you realised that Orchard looks so beautiful at night? Bright lights and all, they're dazzling.
1100: Back home.
So this was my day. Very boring I know. If you read till here, congratulations. You deserve a nobel prize award. I'm so sleepy now that I'm talking in half sentences that don't make much sense do they. I love my friends Mel and Amos. YAYE! You guys make my day anytime! Okay Amos if your reading this... I'm talking on the phone with you right now. Hahah. Good night!
Sunday, June 12, 2005 @ 1:50 PM
Hello people.This is my brand new SPANKING blog!
Ever since my old one mesmereyze-d.diaryland.com, died.
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
my favourite things!satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)
monthly archiveJune 2005
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