there's no real
automatic
love in you
Friday, May 09, 2008 @ 10:47 PM

I know you wish you could be me,

But
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sometimes, I wish I could just be like you.


You mentioned that although you couldn't really get along with me at first as we had total contrasting personalities, you soon grew to understand my virtues and understand the person that I fully am.

I thank you for that.

Actually, to tell you the truth... Although I feel that we have two complete different personalities, I've always, always, always -

Admired your character from the first day I knew you.

You say I have the ability to let things go easily, to be cheerful and optimistic, to offer truthful, proper advice to people and yet take myself for who I really am.

But seriously.

One day, I wish I could just be more REALISTIC.

I so wanna be like you.

Can't you tell?

Even as we were friends a few years earlier, and when you shared with me your problems, and the answers I tried to give you whilst I listened and to be a good friend - Actually, I was more of listening how YOU would tackle them.

I wish I could tell myself - "No, this isn't right. Stop being so flexible/idealistic. You can't do this, it isn't good in the long term."

I wish I could tell myself to stop being so idealistic.

Stop being so romantic. Stop viewing the world in rose-tinted lenses, everything isn't actually what I picture it to be.

Sometimes, I would pause and laugh at those who are cynical, those who are constantly sarcastic about things.

I can't stand living in negativity.

But yet, they are the realistic people and somehow they always seem to do better in life.

I just couldn't understand how they could stand being so negative.

And they probably couldn't understand why I was always so unlike them. So positive, so "simplistic", so "naive".

I hate being called naive.

I know I ain't. I do know the evil lurkings of our society, I do know how to tell when something isn't right or someone is wrong.

It's just that, I choose to believe that everybody actually has a good side to them.

Tell me, am I wrong?

I bet you would always have a 1000 reasons to counter my thinking. But then again, I can't say they're wrong.

It's just that we're 2 different human beings who operate on 2 different systems.

Sometimes, I wish I could be more upright. And tell myself, force myself to choose what is right. Instead of sticking with whats wrong and just accepting things as the way it is.

I have so many things I want to do in the future.

I have so much time to meet new people.

I have so many things to communicate, and to share with others.















I just need to stop, right here.

******

Yes, I really do look up to you, in some ways.

Although, sometimes I can't really understand your cynical thinking. The world really isn't as bad as you make it out to be.

However, today I look back on what you wrote on your blog entry and I realise that I should learn to deal with things the way you are dealing with them right now.

Systematically, rightfully and selfishly. Even though the truth may hurt.

Just learn how to deal with it.

I want to.
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Hello, I am Jia Xin.
05/04/1990
psalm 27:4


my favourite things!
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