I was feeling bored today and just decided to read an ex's blog.

What can I say?

I feel a little... shocked.

Shocked at what he is going through now. I mean, is this the person I used to know?

He has since morphed into an jaded, destructive, sadistic and vengeful creature who does not know how to love.

He does not even seem to know how to love himself.

He goes around hurting innocent people's hearts and going on rebound relationship after relationship.

To think I once thought that he was the most un-selfish person in this world who had a large capacity to love.

Perhaps, I never really understood him.

Of course I was upset with him after our break-up and I did not talk to him for a long while after that, but all the time I would have thought his life was going to be better.

After all, mine slowly became better as time passed. As they say, time heals all wounds.

However, I totally refused to open up to people about our break up, and even if I wanted to talk about it, I would try not to reveal too much and have a neutral point of view.

In short, I just did not want to have anything to do with him anymore.

I thought this would make me forget about all the painful experience entirely, and it sure did.

Now, when I read his blog and his life now, and I look at the person he has evolved into - I just look back at the days we spent together and I feel like it was actually time lost.

Precious time in my youthhood, when I could have just done SO MUCH better and spread my wings to fly.

Sometimes, I even wonder, "Why was I with him in the first place, like seriously?"

I even tried to understand him and to change his negative character.

But in the end my wits just tired out. It was a wild roller-coaster ride, yes.

It made me learn that you can never change someone, but only yourself.

His life seems like a mess right now.

He seems like a mess.

His blog tells his story. He gets depressive, then indulges in alcohol, clubbing, womanising and even goes to the extent of cursing his own Mom.

And somehow all these sadistic pleasures gets him into a delirious state of high.

Now, I don't really know the situation between you and your Mom right now, so I am in no position to comment - but I believe as basic humans the very least we could do is to have self-respect for our own parents.

I am kinda shocked that his life has changed totally and it makes me feel a little sad for him, even for the poor people he hurt whom I do not know.

That's because I've been through the same experience before.

It hurt me like crap emotionally, but it made me understand how to deal with people better and how to deal with a relationship.

And we all know, the worst kind of pain to deal with isn't physical, but psychological and emotional.

Although I can't exactly say that I'm doing WONDERFULLY right now, but I still think I'm better off than him.

I am actually glad for the experience of letting me meet him and to understand him, and then to be broken.

Because I did learn something in the end.

I am doing much better now, after all.

And I guess I could show him that I can do even better, by improving my life.

On a sidenote, I do feel sorry for him and his life right now, but to think about it.

Karma bites you back in the butt when you least expect it.

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