Automatic

Thursday, July 28, 2005 @ 6:56 PM

I so adore the brownies in Mrs Field's at Esplanade. They can get so addictive.

Don't they look so pretty, all lined up in their metal trays?

Pure indulgence.

Monday, July 25, 2005 @ 7:52 PM

I'm feeling down lately. Many, many things are happening at once. And they're all not too good. Firstly, I'm really troubled by what a person recently told me. I hope he doesn't read this. Don't get me wrong, he's really a nice guy and all. ARGH. It's just that I feel different towards him.

Sigh. I don't really know how to say it here.

I've had a lot of these incidents before and its starting to bother me. Then this guy came along. Lets call him Mr X. He and I had been chatting on and off in msn, but only because he added me one day to his contact list. He said he got my email from his friend's friend (?) and also told me that he was from the same kindergarten. Right. So I looked in my yearbook and I think I recognized him. Anyway, he was a nice and sweet guy who paid a lot of compliments. One day, he decided to ask me out and I agreed, not knowing what to expect next. We had a fun time, and thankfully no awkward moments unlike some incidents I have had before with other guys. He intrigued me in a way, mainly because he was friendly and very interesting. I felt comfortable being around him. We seemed to have endless stuff to talk about, and that was when he started asking questions. Suddenly it seemed more like a Q and A session. He then asked if I would like to be his girlfriend.

Seriously?

I would say yes, maybe if I knew him longer. Long enough to understand him better and of course for him to understand me. He seemed to be rushing into things like I'm gonna run away one day if he doesn't keep a strong rein on me. I didn't know what to say. So I just kept silent for a long time and then I said "No". I figured that if I said "We'll see", I would be fooling him and it's not good either way. Then I said, "Can we just be friends?" and he did sound quite disappointed.

He mumbled, "O-kay...". The kind where you stretch the o and the kay, and you make it sound really unwilling. It had an effect on me, and I felt guilty almost at once.

And of course he's not the only one who is crushed. So am I. I do feel sad, because I hate rejecting people and it's not like I want it to happen when it just comes served cold to me on a platter.

But I must say, I had a good impression of him in the first place. By asking me that question he seemed to have thrown away the trust I had in him.

Here's something I have to say if Mr X reads this. I'm sorry.

I really am sorry, and if there is anything I could do to save that warm and happy friendship that we cherished before, I would.

0 Comments

Sunday, July 17, 2005 @ 9:41 PM

Old people.

Aren't they just poor, helpless victims of the society? I don't know if I'm being too emotional, but everytime I see an old man sitting alone by himself or an old lady trying to push a cart across the road I feel a pang of sympathy pricking my heart. Oh dear... they really do have this perpetual tinge of misery in their eyes. It makes me feel so sad, like I want to reach out to them and offer them love and care. But yet, I don't even know them.

I can't.

Viv and I were out on our usual shopping trip today when I saw an old lady by the roadside selling tissues. It's so common, you see them everywhere dotted in Orchard Road. She was dressed in a humble pair of old slacks and tattered slippers. She approached a couple who looked about 20 to ask them politely if they wanted to buy a packet of tissue paper. They treated her as if she was non-existent, and the guy even shouted at her to quit bugging them.

She then retreated back to a corner of the road, looking so dejected.

Ah. My heart felt as if it wanted to break into a million pieces! I so wanted to cry at that instant.

She was just so helpless.

I immediately walked over and flung out all the loose change I had, which turned out to be 3 bucks or less. She held out 6 packets of tissue for me, figuring that I wanted to buy them all. But I smiled at her, told her nicely that she could keep the change and I walked off with a packet.

I hope its enough money for her to buy a meal.

She probably doesn't have a home. I wonder where she's gonna sleep tonight... sigh. Maybe I'm just too soft-hearted. Am I? Viv thinks so too. I do love my gramps. They're so cute.

If I had a wish, I wouldn't ask for a million more wishes. I would like everybody in the world to have a home filled with love.

Is that too much to ask for?

0 Comments

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 @ 9:56 PM

I can't imagine tomorrow being a good day.
I just can't.
I have an amaths test, chinese orals and the all-important interview tomorrow.
FUNCTIONS ARE NOT FUN.
Yes, Viv?
My arm hurts from playing squash for 3 hours, and sam also hit the ball into my tummy.
Sob.
Wo bu xi huan kou shi.
Wish me luck, I really need it.

And
To Marc
I miss you too.

0 Comments

Thursday, July 07, 2005 @ 9:33 PM

I love this skin. Its so cute, it actually reminds me of chocolate for some reason.

Let's fill the world with music tomorrow.

0 Comments

@ 8:07 PM

You know the feeling you get when you look at a special somebody? It's like this whoosh feeling that rushes through your body and your heart starts beating faster. I had the experience before, with somebody I barely knew. I'm writing this poem to relive the experience again.

(I'm now writing in the eye of a third person.)

What I like about you

Your eyes, the way they stare at me
When I walked towards you
Armed with the best smile I can pull off
I slide my hands around my phone
And clasp it close
Three steps away
My smile fades off
As I see you,
Faceless.
Two steps away.
Still staring at me
You with your friend,
Facing me
In a bright lit corner of the local music store
I turn towards you
And see you shove a vaguely printed sheet
Towards my slender waist
With cursive notes
Like strangers standing
Precariously on the edge
You want to talk, I can tell
But you seem to have nothing to say
At a moment like this
When we finally meet.
I motioned a gesture,
Looking shyly at you and your friend
I don't know what you're thinking
But I take the score anyway
We continue the charade for a moment
A burning feeling creeps up
Just you and me, so quiet.
I want to say something
To break the awkward silence
But I see that you are
Turning away
What a dissapointment, you must have thought
And me?
The feeling's mutual
As I turned towards the door
In a half daze
Wondering about the conversations we have shared
They don't seem to mean a thing now
Do they?
Your friend would probably have thought likewise.
My day seems shattered
I walk around aimlessly on the streets
Thinking about 24 minutes ago
Oh, I wish it hadn't happened.

54 minutes later
I stand in the changing room
Trying on a new dress
My phone rings
I pick it up, thinking that it's Mommy
With a grimace

But

It's you,

With a smile.

0 Comments

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 @ 10:04 PM

UNDER RENOVATION.

0 Comments