there's no real
love in you
Tuesday, December 13, 2005 @ 6:00 PM

Just read my previous entries.

And I don't mean the entries in this blog, I mean the soul-searching, long-forgotten entries in my old blog. The passion-filled entries, entries basically screaming with feelings and yes, happy bliss. The kind of raw, no-strings attached happiness that you would never find nowhere but in your childhood.

The feelings I had for people then. The feelings I had for music then. These were happy, loving feelings. I embraced them.

Little things that made me so happy then. Things that made me jump and shout and my little heart quiver with joy. Little, little things.

And I just realised, that it actually takes so little to make me happy.

Someone once asked me, "Are you a simple girl?".

Am I a simple girl?

I like to imagine myself as an onion. The first layer gets peeled off, and then the second layer. And then the third, and the fourth. And finally you get to the bulb of the onion. You touch it, and it feels smooth with little ridges around it.

I do have a little mystery to me (:

And I like to imagine the people around me as story books. Pages waiting to be un-earthed and discovered with the flick of a finger. Stories untold and characters un-seen. Most likely with a twist at the end.

I want to feel the love again.

I want to feel the love for music again. I want to feel the passion and energy I once had. I want to be able to listen to music and imagine a story unfolding from it. I want to have compassion for people. I want to feel for people.

To feel what they're feeling, and to be able to understand them.

Sometimes I walk around on the busy streets and I wonder to myself, "Why is it that so many people are old and homeless?" If only I could give them a home, I would. If I could invite them over to my home and give them a proper meal. If I could set up shelters for them and to give them care. Anything to stop them from freezing in the cold and to stop people from staring at them and pointing.

I wonder if people around me do seem to understand their pain.

Many a times I have wanted to rush up to these people and give them a hug. In spite of everything. If only a hug could solve all problems and bring a smile onto their faces. If only a hug could solve all indifferences in this world.

Unfortunately, it can't.

A friend once told me that she had been hurt really badly in the past. I wanted to ask her by who and why? But I kept quiet. Instead, I put my hand on top of hers and reassured her. I wanted to let her know that there are other people in this world who still love her.

I wonder why some people are so bent on hurting others that they do it out of pure contempt or simply just hatred for that person. It is a scary thought. I have been hurt many times before too. But those who were close to me, by people I loved. What strikes my heart the most is to be hurt by those who you once loved. Despite the previous pain, I have forgiven and forgotten.

If I had one wish,

Just one little wish for Christmas.

I want the homeless to have a shelter over their heads. I want the hungry and starved to have food on their tables.

I want to hug all the people in the earth who have been hurt before. I want to bring a smile onto their faces. I want them to feel loved, and be loved. I want to bring love all around the world.

But can I?

 photo blah_zpslyri7kbd.jpg
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
psalm 27:4

my favourite things!
satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)

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