there's no real
love in you
Saturday, September 03, 2005 @ 9:14 PM

My heart is too weak for any other shocks - the death of peace's mom as well as my distant relative (uncle's wife's mom) have all been too sudden. Although they are not very close to me, and I've stopped talking to peace as often already. In fact I've only met my distant relative once.

Somehow I just feel like crying. Especially for peace, she was my band buddy last year. She is also the friendliest and kindest senior I've known. We were very close in the previous years before she left for JC, although our conversation is now only limited to online chats and when we do meet in person, it's just a smile 'hi' and 'bye' thing.

I flipped through the school magazine a few days back, and saw her face in the graduating alumni of Sec 4 '2004. She was grinning in her usual cheerful way, and I thought nothing of it before flipping to the next page. Who would have known? I didn't expect such a thing to happen to her, and whats more she's a genuinely nice person. She treasures relationships alot, almost in the same way as I do.

How can such a thing happen to her?

I feel the hurt.

While talking to her yesterday, I couldn't take it anymore. I actually broke down and cried, after hearing what she's been through. I didn't sob, but the tears flowed down my face freely. In a way I also felt blessed that I still have my mom with me, my dearest mommy, to protect and care for me. I'm still a child at heart in many ways. I tend to be naive and gullible at times.

I can't forget the times in Sec 1 when I first joined band, a fresh-faced girl unfamiliar with her surroundings. She helped me, joked and talked to me. I still remembered reading the first letter that she wrote to me, and how she told me that she would treat me just like her very own younger sister. I remembered looking up to her for her talent in percussion, and admiring her passion for music. I remembered the many crazy conversations we had, making up stories and thinking of quirky names. I remembered looking up to her for inspiration.

Undeniably she was my source of inspiration.

I remembered her devotion towards SC band, and how none of it has changed, even though she's left for JC ever since.

She still makes a point to ask me about events every time we meet online.

She always comes back to support us for every performance that we've done.

She feels the joy and jubilation for us after every successful performace.

You'll always be with us, peace.

I want to hug her and comfort her, but all I can do is talk to her.

I feel extremely, extremely sad. I don't know how this feeling is so hard to explain. But if I were to place myself in her shoes, I would be equally crushed if something like that happened to my mom or a loved one.

I don't even want it to happen.

All I can say now is. Learn to let go of things, peace. Cry your heart out this instant and repair the emotional damage, but you'll re-emerge as a stronger person.

Nows the time to grieve and feel the pain, but life still goes on.

It always comforts me to think that peace's mom is high up all the way in heaven, watching over her and protecting her. She will be watching over dear peace like a guardian angel, and offering her love and support.

I'll always be there for you. =)

 photo blah_zpslyri7kbd.jpg
Hello, I am Jia Xin.
psalm 27:4

my favourite things!
satisfying FOOD, cooking & baking, romantic and funny movies, shopping, going to the beach, Lisa Ono, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Aretha Franklin, all that jazz, Bossanova! And just hanging out with the people I love makes me happy :)

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