Look for the girl with the broken smile

Hellooooo, stranger.

2011-08-04T11:19:00.003+08:00

After 3 hours of desperate but futile logging in last night, and a bid to try to get to sleep... This morning when I woke up, the first thing on my mind was to try to sign in, again. When the password came to me, it was like a moment of enlightenment. *imagines rays of light shining above my head, and harp music playing in the background* And when the blog server finally accepted my password, I almost couldn't believe my eyes.

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

I read through my past drafts and realised some of them were really quite gems. Except the old me didn't dare to post them up.

So, just wanna say, I miss you.

And my long hiatus is over... Let the journey begin.

Quoted.

2010-03-03T00:11:00.004+08:00

"... And quality friendship to me is being with the person physically but no conversation at all and yet we both still feel we had the most enjoyable day.

That is probably the highest level and requires very deep understanding of each other."

How true.

I can relate to this. And this feeling just feels absolutely wonderful.

The Day After:

2010-02-16T14:25:00.002+08:00

So he's gone.

And this is how it must feel like.

I did not cry when he turned around and left, strangely. Nobody else was crying either. I felt perfectly okay and stable when he walked through the departure gates, only with a slightly sourish feeling tugging and twisting on my heart strings, especially when his Dad commented that he had went in by the wrong gate.

I felt like I had kept my composure. You seem like a strong girl.

But then after that we bid our farewells to everybody.

And, they left one by one.

In groups.

His parents offered to send me home, but I declined... saying that my Dad was here to send me to my Uncle's house for CNY dinner.

So I went towards the entrance of Terminal 3, as far away from the departure gates as possible. I really could not bear to turn back.

That was perhaps the first time in my life I realised what a horrible, stagnant and cold place the airport could really be.

And I sat on a chair, you know, those new, plastic-like hard chairs that the newly refurbished T3 is installed with.

And then the warm tears started flowing freely.

Down my made-up face, onto my pretty white and pink ZARA dress.

Everybody was staring at the girl crying alone. Two soldiers walking into and out of the airport, on patrol duty. The lost and homeless guy sitting next to me. A mom with her child.

Argh. This really sucks.

Doris Day... What A Legend.

2009-12-30T00:49:00.003+08:00

Just listened to this song, and I can't get over how fantastic it sounds.

So 1960s Parisian chic and boudoir-like.

I simply cannot hide my absolute adoration and love for the old classics. Geez. So often I have wished I lived in the past.

It beats today's trashy music, hands down, over and over again.

This song really takes me back to a different era, it makes me imagine I'm in a 1960s cabaret with gentlemen in tweed coats smoking cigars and courtesans in skin-tight flare dresses dancing gaily around them.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps!

When is it really the time?

2009-12-19T19:58:00.005+08:00

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Decisions for things that have not yet arrived... ...

Decisions for invisible, unpredictable, random, perhaps even unforeseen circumstances.

I am afraid.

You're like a hot air balloon, still tied and firmly attached to the earth by a thick rope.

But the earth is getting loose with each minute the balloon fills up with steaming, searing, almost incandescent hot air. Like someone feverish with the anticipation of something new.

I want to be inside the hot air balloon, I want to be in the basket and rise up slowly exploring the whole world with you.

It will be fun, and exciting and mystifying, I promise.

But I touch the balloon and quickly draw back, my hands are too hurt and burnt. Its too hot. Its almost unreachable.

Untouchable, almost?

The earth beneath the hook cracks.

Its time. The thick rope is released, with a premeditated motion, almost cold and emotionless. Its been done a lot of times. Its just another cycle.

You rise up slowly, leaving the earth... dizzy with excitement, ecstatic about the new world.

Meanwhile I'm still grounded, firmly rooted. I call out your name. You hear me and reply, but your voice is now drowned out by the noisy, burning rage of fire.

A tear rolls down my cheek. Its warm from the heat of the hot air balloon. It tastes salty. A quick shot of reality hits me.

Am I destined to be on the ground forever?

Should I go back to my roots?

I know deep down I really yearn to... I dream to, long to, crave to. But I'm afraid. Of the whole world.

Afraid of the whole world.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

2009-12-18T03:55:00.005+08:00

OKAY. I KNOW IT.

I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR. *firm and resolute tone*

The straw that broke the camel's back came last night when I saw my bestfriend's hair in a very lovely shade of mahogany brown with delish caramel highlights. It looked so divine glowing in the light by the pool.

But the thing is, what colour should I dye?

Its not that I don't like my hair colour now, I am pretty satisfied with black. Heck, I've had it for 19 years. Also, the best colour that suits you is usually the colour you were born with.

Hmmmmm.

I'm thinking of dyeing my hair in a dark colour because I'm pretty fair. My face, that is. Can't say the rest for my body. Yeah, I know I'm duo-toned and weir.

Did some research and I think I will be dyeing my hair at Clover Salon or Maison Hairmake in Far East. Both are highly recommended. So I hope it turns out well.

Will post a picture here after I finish provided it does not look like a disaster.

I'm willing to pay slightly more for my first time as I am a highly cautious person and very particular when it comes to my hair and skin. Thus, I would prefer my first dye job to NOT be BOTCHED.

Anyway like any sensible and responsible person, I googled and found a picture. I like this colour.

Note: Like me, she has pretty fair skin, although she's a little more cool-toned instead of the warm fair tones that Asians have. A rosy pink under-tone instead of the more sallow yellow undertones of Asians.

Or something close to this colour.

Girl on the extreme left. *Credits to sweatlee.com*

And I want to cut my hair shorter like this.

On the RIGHT. *Credits to er, unknown girl on Flowerpod? Thank you for posting up your picture.*

Anyway my hair kinda looks like the left now as you can see from my user picture on the sidebar. Unkempt, messy and a generally can't-be-bothered look.

Okay, hope I don't look sallow and unhealthy in dyed hair or something.

I need moolah.

Wondering if I should take up the waitressing job at a cafe with dear Irene or go to Recruit Express in a vain attempt at finding another job. Or go back to my old company where my boss and colleagues were really nice to me and loved me. Thats what everybody has been telling me to do now.

ARGH.

I can't stand this tai-tai life anymore, hanging around and just doing nothing.

Anyway, going to the ICA with Henry tomorrow, need to turn in early. Goodnight everyone!

There's just something about Taylor Lautner.

2009-12-14T11:29:00.036+08:00

Warning: This is going to be a very shallow and reductive post written in the highly judgemental voice of yours truly. Do not proceed if you cannot take any form of heavy criticism and jokes aimed against Twilight.
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Twilight fans are going to bash me for this.

Truth is, I wrote a very personal commentary about Twilight about a year ago when the book first came out.

There was a Twilight wave in Singapore with almost every girl worshipping Edward Cullen aka Robert Pattinson aka R. Patzz, fondly called by Hollywood gossip columnists.

I wrote a rather long and satisfying entry about why I found Twilight not a good book worth mentioning. And hardly worthy of being called a literature text, as mentioned by some zealous Twilight enthusiasts.

Some parts of the book were pretty exaggerated and the overly-descriptive prose of Stephenie Meyer was so over-powering, it made me want to vomit. Don't get me wrong, its not that I am not imaginative.

In fact I believe that I am a highly-imaginative person.

But the line is drawn when girls start swooning at 'hot' (oh, the irony) vampires... who, believe it or not, EMIT GLITTER?

How very true.

Wtf. At the rate this is going... The next decade, monsters like Godzilla would be totally hot with rippling muscles and fart sunshine. And girls would go crazy over them.

Unfortunately, being the coward that I am, I decided not to publish my entry for fear of running into a parade of swords and barricades of those Twilight fanatics. I didn't want to risk being hauled and thrown into the pile of dead and bruised Twilight critics.

But, I must clarify that. I am not of those people who read through, say, about 12 pages of the book and found it boring, decided to call it a day and tossed it aside to write a hate article about Twilight.

In fact I clenched my teeth, endured the over-emotional and unnecessary sappyness and sat through the ENTIRE book to see if there would finally be an interesting part worth mentioning and lauding.

But sadly there were none.

Being a Harry Potter fan, I am also terribly ashamed of current comparisons of Stephenie Meyer with JK Rowling and Twilight being the next Harry Potter.

You gotta be kidding me.

Both books are entirely different, work on different premises and are based on different worlds.

ANYWAY. Coming to the main basis of my post today... There's just something about Taylor Lautner, but I can't really figure out what.

Is he that hot?!

Well, just because he's about the opposite of R Patzz. Just because Lautner isn't a miserably pale, shrivelled and weak sappling, almost every girl has been crushing on him instead of R Patzz.

But there's just something weird about Taylor Lautner. Could it be his too flat face? His huge pizza-shaped nose? His weird toothy and cheesy grin? Or is it his feminine voice?

Actually... Am I the only person who finds Taylor Lautner terribly attractive, and in fact, bordering into slightly ugly?

Best photo I can find of the Lautner guy.

Hmmm. Not bad, you say. But then actually, I prefer him with his shirt off.

Okay, wish granted. I say.

A search on Google for Taylor Lautner with no shirt produces 236,000 results.

Wowwwwwwwww.

But, hang on.

A search for Lautner with no shirt on (wth, an extra word), produces 126,000,000 results!!!!!!!

WTF. Is this Lautner guy really THAT hot?!?!

Okay, let's see!!!

Right... Rightttttttt.

Oh yes, I love him! You exclaim. I love him without his shirt on! He's so hot and buff and arggghhhhhhh!!!

Okay, give him a break, I say. He's still a teen. And seriously, I don't find him all that hot.

To me, Taylor Lautner:
Face: 0
Body: 1

TL: Awww, don't look at me like that. I know I'm cuter than the blue rubber duckie.

WHY?

Well, that's because I can find many flaws on his face. But everybody has flaws, you say.

Yeah, I know. But there is ONE flaw you surely can't miss, it stands out like a sore mistake.

Your boyfriend's boyfriend.

IT'S HIS BLOODY BIG NOSE.

It's even bigger than the rubber duckie's head. No wonder the poor duckie looks away, obviously terrified.

I believe Lautner's nose is so big it could fit a mini pizza slice.

It's so big, I think it could be an entirely different entity altogether. It should be given a name. How about Rosa?

Okay, jokes aside... Well, not that TL didn't really take any measures to save it. Just got this from another website. The blue words aren't written by me.

Hmmm, I'm sorry... I guess a nose job couldn't really save Rosa.

It still freaking looks the same. But maybe slightly upturned now, a bit like an annoying little pig's snout.

L: Photo of Lautner about 8 months ago, before he hit the gym to buff up for Twilight.
R: The 'hot' guy you see on screen 8 months later.

He really does look like your 10 year old neighbour on the left. You know, the one doing "Look ma, no hands!" stunts on his four-wheeler bike every evening.

So, tell me girls, would you still love Taylor Lautner in the before picture?

Sorry, TL, I think you will always have narrow shoulders. Its just the stature.

Isn't it scary to think he buffed up so fast in such a short amount of time. Besides, if you are really looking for muscles... what are his shoulders compared, to say, an average Joe swimmer?

Swimmer enthusiast at your local pool. Way hotter than TL's bod, yes?

Okay, now, Taylor Lautner:
Face: 0
Body: 0

This is probably the best combination I could give him.

In fact I think he has an rather awkward amount of rippling muscles for an adolescent with a small stature. Combined with his rather cheesy smile, he reminds me of a backward cousin from Southern Nebraska.

TL: I think I look awesome with this smile, don't I?

WTF?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I know you're sucking up the fame, dude. But, really... Can't take it anymore. I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH! *barfs*

Geezzzz. What is with that cheesy junior high school prom collar?

And just to prove, I'm not the only one who finds him ugly.

Many doubts at the claims about Taylor's so-called "looks".

I clicked on the lion link.

Oh my, really tough competition with Taylor Lautner.

They both look like long-lost twins!

Okay, so the last message was written by a sixth grader.

Plus it sounded descriptive, bias and she didn't use proper punctuation.

But so? I'll bet most sixth graders in this world adore him and worship him. Just because TL stars as Jacob Black and they're in love with the character.

I'm so proud of this girl that she has finally seen the light.

Please people, stop being seduced by the nature of screen names and book characters and get to know the real actor for himself before you decide if you really like him.

I feel ashamed that Twilight has to make use of 'hot looks and good bodies' to gain more popular support because the movie already sucks itself.

Okay, end of entry. Point is, I just don't find Taylor Lautner a person worth worshipping and cannot stand to hear another girl waxing lyrical about his hot looks which are non-existent.

Oh gosh. Please stop.

PS: If you want me to post up my entry about Twilight, please do tell me.

Okay, blog rehaul! And a slight update about my life.

2009-12-12T03:35:00.013+08:00

After reading the previous comment left by an anonymous person, I felt so moved that I have actually decided to continue writing in this blog which has been left stagnant for the past year.

So anonymous, whoever you are, thank you for your encouraging and inspiring comment. This is for you.

:)

Because my old template was expired, I had to choose a new one. Spent 3 freaking hours tweaking it to my preferences, eg. adding in a comment box and editing the line space, etc.

I can't believe I am actually good at HTML but maybe its because I'm used to doing this after blogging for close to 4 years.

The reason why I selected this template is because it is bright, clean and leaves me with enough space to voice out my thoughts with. It also has no distracting huge images or blingy signs, etc. Can't stand those.

And also, dearest friends!! Don't you think this is so me?!?!?!?!!?!

Anyway, I have no excuse to NOT update now, after all, because I have finished my A Levels and I am now at home everyday, doing nothing except researching about universities, updating my Twitter, watching Youtube tutorial videos, reading lolcatz and other random blogs.

Basically, I'm being an absolute bum and leading a life which other students would gladly trade with.

Initially, I thought I would love this moment but surprisingly I do not. I am bored to tears.

Maybe its the after-effects of rushed and enthusiastic studying but I suddenly feel so useless and worthless having nothing to do. Its a complete 180-degree change from what I was 3 weeks ago.

Thats why I will go search for work earlier than I have planned!

However I will start work only next year, after I return from my trip to Vietnam over the Christmas holidays. Yup, will be going there with my family.

I can't wait to visit Ho Chih Minh City, sit in a quaint french cafe and munch on toasted french baguette dipped into cafe sua da (ie. Vietnamese coffee).

Cafe sua da.

Btw, I have rather important and unfortunate (well, depends on whose point of view) news to update you all with.

*warning: this part will be emo, mushy and contain unnecessary bits*

To my dearest friends and readers,

Henry will be going overseas to study in Australia next year March. He will be in the University Of Melbourne. Yes, its only in a few months from now.

Basically he will be going on a 3 year course and he is taking Actuarial Science. A rather competitive course to get into but I had no doubts that he would get accepted as his results were stellar. I'm so proud of my boyfriend. :')

We have decided to continue our relationship though. Currently, we've been together for 2.5 years and I am really thankful for him and appreciate him even today. However, a long-distance relationship will no doubt be challenging as it requires much effort from both parties to keep the communication going.

He will visit me during his holidays or I may fly over during mine, whatever works out.

I cannot say that I do not have doubts about this at times and whether it will really work out, but we are both willing to try this out and give in our best effort. So I really appreciate this fact right now. And I know we can go through anything since we have been through a lot.

This will probably be our biggest challenge we have to face yet.

So I hope you can offer me your prayers and well-wishes. Hope everything goes well!

*end of emo and mushy part*

Yeah, anti-romanticists and love cynics, you may now throw your eggs and tomatoes at me.

Okay, anyway its really late now and I'm tired, going to retire for the day.

To: Hanlin in London

2009-09-21T23:34:00.006+08:00

HAN LIN!!!!!

I hope you're okay and safe in London now. Didn't really have time to say a proper goodbye to you last night as you were kinda busy packing your stuff and rushing through everything. Even the hug felt kinda, almost obligatory. Haha.

But it was a good, warm and hearty group hug nonetheless and I cherished and savoured every moment of it.

Gee, hope I don't sound lesbian here.

I remember being at the airport last night, the first one to reach (oh how ironic) and sitting down on one of those plastic chairs to sew finish our farewell gift to you.

I pricked my fingers a number of times and I remembered how it itched a little while after that, making me worry if the needle had contaminated my skin.

It's a pouch and it's all sewn by us! I think it will be useful for you, since you bought so much stuff over, you might need some storage space. Please treat it with care.

Anyway, I was just looking through all photos of us 3 (or 4, with Sam) again and I really miss our times together!!

Now it feels just like when Samantha left for Australia, three years ago. A little nostalgic. I can't believe its so sudden and so fast, that you left. If I call you now, all I'll hear is an endless dial-tone ringing, vacant and empty. It's so sudden!

Omgosh I really miss you. Come back soon!!!

Can't wait for you to come back soon to tell us about Law and your life there!

PS: I hate it when friends leave. It's one of my biggest fears. Jasmine and I are going to travel around the world (soon, really SOON. Mark our words) to make up for our lack of exposure to the world beyond our shores.

From,
Jia Xin

Childhood.

2009-08-03T19:44:00.006+08:00

You know what I just realised?
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That all my friends have grown up, finished their studies... And most have packed their bags and left for a foreign country to chase their dreams, in search of a brighter future.

As I was replying HL and Sam's comments, did I realise how friends can grow up and mature so fast, and leave each other to pursue their seperate paths so soon.

In the blink of an eye.

It's like we're all splitting up and going in our individual directions, driving towards our own goal.

The notion of friendship can be so fragile sometimes.

... It's too soon.

It might sound a tad selfish, childish and myopic for me to say this, but I suddenly hate growing up.

Not in a "Don't-wanna-grow-up-cos-I'm-childish" way, but in a way - like, I'll lose all the precious sacred things of youth like innocence and "friends forever".

Growing up leads to new ambitions, new dreams. It tears, it divides.

But then again it also heals.

It can heal our broken dreams and aspirations, of our past. Didn't we all grow up wishing to be superheroes, presidents or princesses?

Weren't our dreams crushed as we hit the reality later that it perhaps, wasn't so easy?

Thats why in a way, I think growing up can heal our broken aspirations by inspiring us to work harder and to fulfil our dreams (or the closest we can get, because not everyone can be an Obama) and eventually lead us to a standard.

Our satisfied standard of success.

But before success comes the realization, acceptance and struggle.

I suddenly want us to still be like close friends again, like good pals, in the past, girls in blue uniform just playing and chatting and wondering innocently about life.

The road ahead is still a big blur for me.

How do we know if we're going to make it?

Are we going to survive?

Will we still remember each other 10 years from now on?
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I really hope so. You know what?

No matter what, I'll always be here for you all.

SOBZ.

To: Anonymous

2009-07-27T22:34:00.003+08:00

Recently, just recently, I received a comment from an anonymous reader regarding my previous entry realllllllly long ago.

Okay, actually, the recently was 2 days ago. Yeah.

The anonymous reader commented on the post about "The Things Women Do For Beauty", or rather, for lack of a better phrasing, the extent that women abuse their faces and bodies in order to look beautiful.

Except the anonymous reader posted her comment (Yeah, I'm assuming its a 'her'.) in the entry after that. Anyway, to address your comment, I shall just post here since I don't see why you would go back to that super long ago entry just to check my reply.

The anonymous person asked, "where cn i buy the nose pincher and hw much does it cost ?" (in her exact words)

And here is my reply to her:

Hello Anonymous,

Firstly, let me start by making an irrational and completely presumptuous statement.

Let me assume you are from Singapore. Yeah, that would minimise the scope of your question and make it easier for me to address your concern.

You have asked the correct person. Being the avid window shopper that I am (due to my currently still broke and schooling status, ahem) I have seen it many times in BUGIS STREET LEVEL 2.

You know those make up and accessory stores claiming to import products from Korea and Hong Kong? Actually, I know they're just from China just by reading the descriptions. But anyway, those shops in Bugis Street Level 2 has the exact nose pincher you are looking for. They sell products commonly featured in Nui Ren Wo Zui Da and many other fascinating thingamajigs like Double Eyelid Glue and the likes.

So you can find it there. If you can't, do comment again as I totally welcome any further enquiries.

PS: I'm only doing this because I get so few comments on my blog (What am I talking about? Almost zilch.) that I actually feel excited when I see one as it shows that someone has been reading my blog. Or rather somebody has been using Google. Argh.

PPS: I prefer to see things from the first perspective. Yeah. Positivity rules, baby.

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2009-05-14T20:40:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I look at other people and start wondering, why are they so lucky to have this and that...?

It can be a simple monetary thing such as owning an iPhone or even perhaps, a more intangible and philosophical thing like having a natural 'X factor'.

But today, somehow, tonight, I am grateful for what I have currently.

I am glad.

My philosophy #1.

2009-05-07T19:23:00.004+08:00

You can really, really tell a lot about the character of a person just by looking at how he treats his parents and behaves towards them.

Moth.

2009-04-28T00:58:00.005+08:00

I know I haven't posted in reallyyyyyyy long!

It's been a month. Yeah, seems quite fast for me actually.

But who still reads this blog anyway ah. It's just a way for me to keep track of stuff.

Anyway, I actually have many pictures to post up but keep forgetting. Haha. Am really busy nowadays, sheesh :)

And guess what. I am actually sitting in my living room in half-darkness now and sweating while typing this post cos I'm afraid to go into my room!!! Hahaha yes and I'm too lazy to walk over to the other side of the room to on the fan

Cos there is a moth near it. Argh.

I'm afraid of MOTHS, really. Anything that is brown with flappy wings and a caterpillar body. One of my biggest fears is to have a moth land on my face. WTS.

Even worse if its a colourful one.

And actually, just remembered that I have something to note. I shall just make it short and sweet.

H and I have recently reached a certain agreement.

I shall not elaborate what is it or why. (Because I know who is reading this blog. Nahhh, just kidding) Not for the time being, anyway. Only my close friends will know about this.

I do feel a little sad undeniably,
but
I also feel light-hearted and resolved, and am slowly learning to embrace this new change.

Both of us are still very contented, self-fufilled and purposeful individuals. And I trust that we are both at peace with this arrangement.

So let me embrace this new change and welcome it with open arms :)

I will stay STRONG and CONFIDENT, yes I will! :)

Henry in Brunei.

2009-03-18T02:54:00.007+08:00

It's 2:04am and I'm back from the airport, just sent Henry off on his Brunei army trip. He'll be gone for two weeks this time.

Well, two weeks isn't very long to be exact, I told myself this before the trip. After all we have been through longer trips and lasted, emerging safe, stronger and happier out of it.

I always tell myself to look on the positive side and treat his trips as time alone for myself, where I can really indulge in some 'Me-time' and treat myself to extra pedicures, spend my weekends curling up in bed with some hot milo reading a new book, and maybe try out some recipes I've always wanted to.

Sometimes it's really nice to take some time away from each other so that we can actually think about each other and miss each other.

However, undeniably there are some moments when I think about him and really miss him.

Last night, we reached the airport at 10pm. I packed a sandwich for him to bring onto the plane, just in case he was hungry.

As it was still rather early because he was only due at 11pm, we decided there was time to wander around the shops.

I really love the airport. Have loved it since I was young.

It is a beautiful place, bustling with activity from 24 hours a day, with tourists leaving the country and Singaporeans arriving and returning to their homeland. It is really a place of memories, if you think about it. Whether good or bad.

I also love the shops in the airport. (duty-free goods!!)

I enjoy exploring the shops in the airport, browsing at different brands of goods I haven't seen before and just soaking in the atmosphere, breathing in the quiet, calm and relatively still air from the lack of crowds.

So yesterday, we walked into a bookshop and spent some time there, just browsing around the books. I hovered around the Cooking section while he looked around. Finally we found our place at the Languages section where we attempted to test each other Cantonese and laughed at funny translations.

Some were actually really poignant and funny. Hahaha

Geez.

Anyway, yes, we spent some time around the bookstore, with me singing along to Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman and making him laugh. I like that song.

Then after that we went to meet his other friends and I kept asking, "Are you sure I look okay?" and kept adjusting my clothes, etc.

Because what if all the NS guys have pretty girlfriends and they laugh at him for not having a pretty girlfriend! I wouldn't want my boyfriend to experience that.

Then he said, "Yeah, don't worry. You look pretty, trust me. They will think, 'Wah, whats this pretty girl doing here?' and look at you."

At first I thought he was only saying that to make me feel better (WTH LOW SELF ESTEEM) but then I remembered that Henry only says the truth.

And sure enough, my worries were pretty unfounded. Not only did the baldies look at me, as there were not many girls around anyway, they ogled.

DAMN NS GUYS.

I have this theory about NS guys and why they need a girlfriend more than ever at this stage of their lives. It's because they are desperate for the feminine touch and companionship. Really. Imagine being enclosed and sleeping with 20-plus guys in a dormitory everyday.

Unnerved and uncomfortable by the sudden attention, I hid with Henry behind an obscure pillar and we chatted and had our final words before his departure. I looked down the railings and immediately saw Swensens and suddenly had this strong craving for ice cream on a cone.

I wanted to ask him to eat it with me (if only he could!) but then he was leaving soon. So I called my brother and Mom and invited them, offering to foot the bill.

And then I bid farewell to Henry and left, feeling quite sad actually. The sight of them NS boys saying goodbye to their family and and hugging their girlfriends was rather moving. Coupled with the silent atmosphere of the airport and it being late at night... The atmosphere was rather melancholic.

I decided I couldn't bear to stay any longer and feel any more dejected as I caught the last glimpses of him, so I bid goodbye and quickly left.

That was it.

I really miss him now! Geez I told myself that I wouldn't feel like this and now it is actually happening. Plus its only the first day.

Nevermind, 13 more days left.

Air On G.

2009-03-11T19:04:00.009+08:00

My favouritest favourite piece of classical music will always, always always be Air On G String. Especially Sarah Chang's version.

I can't get enough of her.

Anyway, I think she's quite pretty, even though she might not be skinny by international standards. She has really nice features.

And I love her smug look when she hits the perfect note, and crescendos from almost nothing - plain air.

Smug and confident musicians never fail to strike me in the heart, arrest me and bowl me over. (Can't say I am one myself)

Ah sigh.

Whatever it is, I LOVE SARAH CHANG!!! YOU GO GIRL

(Do go Youtube her video, I would post it up here myself but one of my pet peeves are embedded Youtube videos in blogs.)

Heeee. Okay nowww I have to go again. Gotta go do my work!

My lil' brother's birthday is coming next week! Gotta think of what to give him. Maybe I'll give him a restuarant treat, since he always treats me.

And after his birthday, will be Henry's!! Oh my gosh I have A Secret Surprise (ASS) lined up for him - something sweet and nice and very memorable.

BUT I have to get started and cracking on the main thing first, which is to take a lot of nice pictures of us!

Gee oh gee. How do I get him to comply?

And then there is the questions of getting many helium balloons. Lol. Will not tell you what I'll be doing yet.

Okay. Fine... I'll tell you.

I will be...

1) Baking a birthday cake. (His favourite cake of mine is actually Oreo Cheesecake, followed by Durian Cream, but this time in particular I think I'll try Mango Cake)
2) Blowing up mannnny balloons and filling up the floor of his room till he can't see anything.
3) Putting our photos inside some of the balloons.
4) Putting some clues inside the others.
5) Handing him a pin.

Haha. You guess what happens next.

I like games.

Anyway, the clues will eventually lead up to The Mystery Gift... which I have yet to decide.

Henry has everything.

The last gift I gave him was a Razer mouse and the previous one was a black leather wallet which he still uses.

And then I wrote him many letters/cards before, baked him many different types of cakes and cooked whole meals for him before.

About 5 times. 3 dishes and 1 soup.

(Haha the reason I'm posting this here is because I'm sure he doesn't read my blog. At least I think so.)

Okay I really have to go now, ciao!

Developments over the year and Henry.

2009-03-02T20:32:00.005+08:00

Sorry for not updating for ages!

It kinda sucks because I ALWAYS have inspirations to type out a fascinating entry and after I'm done with it, I'm like, "Ahhh... It's too opinionated or the phrasing of my judgements are one-sided."

Or else I just spend a long time writing a relatively long entry and then get called to do something else, then leave me aside and forget about it again.

I know, my blogging habits are annoying. Haha.

But actually, I don't even know who still reads this blog so I would be updating for nobody, theoretically. Ah anyway.

I've been doing many many things lately, and everything's been in a whirl. But thank goodness things are finding an end to itselves and I am still grabbing on a tight hold to everything. That is, I hope.

Let's see the past developments of the year. Shiz, I just found out that I haven't updated in months.

CNY: It went pretty good and it was a normal Chinese New Year like any other, I would expect? Baking pineapple tarts, visiting of relatives, collecting of ang bao money and the list goes on...

Valentine's Day: Kinda the highlight of my year so far! Haha. I really like the present H gave me, it is so wonderful and sweet. I will post the pictures of it up here soon. Actually, he gave me a bouquet of flowers and I am absolutely THRILLED (!) because I have not gotten a bouquet of flowers before in my whole life. From any guy or girl for that matter. Although they say flowers don't last, I have a way of making it last, so yes, giving me flowers are worthwhile because I can make them last for years in their original state.

Oh, and I forgot to talk about Christmas last year where dear Henry also gave me a lovely watch. It is really sweet of him and I love that watch so much because it comes from him (d-oh) and also because it is really beautiful. I wear it close to everyday.

I will post pictures up again (soon) but simply describing, the watch is made of rose-gold, has diamonds at the side and has a white strap.

I'm so glad my boyfriend knows my taste in accessories! I'm quite touched, really. Was surprised when I saw the gift and he made me open it immediately to see my reaction.

My taste in accessories and clothes is rather classic and feminine. I like looking for and appreciating little intricate details, such as the handwork in beaded purses. I appreciate things with a history to them, things that are a little nostalgic.

I like things that can survive the test of time, and hate following trends blindly. Granted, I'll only follow a trend if it suits me.

Ah, coming close to two years now. I wonder what he's gonna give me for my birthday. Lol.

Okay I sound like I'm only on the receiving end but the truth is, I have been doing many little gifts for him too! Except my gifts aren't really big gifts, but they are small every-day kinda simple, hand-made and touching gifts. And I know he appreciates them.

You know something. When I finally earn money, I am very sure that I am gonna get him a big gift. A super big gift that he will NEVER forget.

The kind that would make him wear a bright smile all the way to work and tell his colleagues, "Eh, you know my gf gave me this and I think she's the bestest gf in the world ever!"

Nah, not a car.

I meant. Such as closing a video shop for 2 hours and letting him run amok in there choosing a game console. Which means a PS5 (whatever they come out with by then) or an XBOX3 (is that out already?).

OH NO. I just remembered, that by the time I go out to work, he would too, and the gift wouldn't make a difference then since he would have been able to afford it long ago!

Oh no oh no oh no! What is better than a game console but cheaper than a car?? Haha.

Have to think about this.

Okay this is fast becoming a Henry-Jia Xin post. But anyway, I love and appreciate my boyfriend...
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Shit. I think people are getting bored.

Argh. I hope I'm not getting too boring. Like "one half of a boring couple". Will update on something more interesting next time, such as who I have the hots for in Tinseltown!

See ya.

Food porn.

2009-01-26T01:29:00.020+08:00

Okay, it's Chinese New Year Eve and I just baked 2 whole trays of pineapple tarts yesterday. They're the enclosed type, with pineapple inside instead of outside.

What remains of my first tray.

I somehow prefer the enclosed one better because I find the pineapple filling softer and more moist instead of coming out drier and harder when its being baked outside.

Mmmmm... Buttery soft, melt in your mouth pineapple goodness.

Also, I love the melt in the mouth effect that enclosed pineapple tarts give. The buttery soft dough literally just dissolves in your mouth... Not in your hands.

Mandarin oranges.

I usually don't post up pictures of my food exploits because I'm always too lazy to whip out my camera, replace it with new batteries and actually find some good light and a nice angle to take it.

And besides, most of my food isn't done up very nicely in terms of visual appeal. Haha.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to certain things, one of them being the making of food itself. I require the correct ingredients (and that even means which brand, being the most important) exact quantity, and freshness is an absolute must. To me, baking is a formula.

Cooking can anyhow agar, but baking once you leave something out or forget something, such as whether your eggs are chilled or room temperature, can make a huge difference.

Anyway, I do feel kinda tired rambling on tonight so I shall leave you all with some pictures. Let the pictures do the talking.

Yeah... I know. Cliched. But just bear with me for a little while, won't you?

Ready to be packed into boxes for giving.

I love the little lace tulles... Don't you?

I'm a stickler for glorious Chinese traditions... So here comes the red ribbon!

5 layers.

And the first box is for... Henry.

Anyway, making pineapple tarts is a VERY tedious process. Now I know why it's being sold for 10+ dollars a box outside, it really is very time-consuming, requires neatness, precision and patience.

For example, the making of the pineapple filling itself already takes 2 hours in front of the stove laboriously stirring the pineapple puree to ensure that it is consistently smooth and doesn't burn.

After that, you still have to keep it in the fridge overnight to harden it and make its flavour mellow.

And I haven't counted in the process of hand grating the pineapple into fine puree, and wrapping each pineapple tart individually. It is really quite challenging having to handle such a buttery dough as it almost melts in your hands due to its high butter content, and breaks apart when you try to stretch it to wrap the filling in.

But this is the price to pay for having melt-in-the-mouth tarts. The buttery dough is a winner, overall.

This is my second year making pineapple tarts, last year I just bought the filling itself as I was trying it out for the first time. But trust me, store-bought fillings are not as good, as they don't have such a chewy and fibrous consistency as compared to home-made ones, and are usually too sweet and sticky. Euw.

Anyway, I'm really tired and glad that I finally finished making my pineapple tarts so I can slowly enjoy and eat them now.

Have a happy Chinese New Year 2009!

PS: You know how some people go, "Happy Chinese Niu Year!"...? Riiiiiiight. I suppose it's the year of the Ox. What a new way of saying "new". It is so disgusting and lame, it makes me shiver in horror. Oh wells. Just my two cents. Nmind.

About late afternoon laziness.

2008-12-26T15:59:00.004+08:00

Hello!

You know those kinda diseases that plague you every now and then, like late afternoon laziness?

I have it now and it truly sucks. It always comes when I wake up late in the afternoon about 1pm and plonk myself down in front of the computer and start to dally around blogs, MSN etc.

I've listened to Beyonce's If I Were A Boy about 6 times consecutively already.

Yes, shoot me.

And after a while, I find out with mild horror that I DO have somewhere to go, something to do. But I just can't move. It's like I'm temporarily glued to my chair.

I keep reminding myself that I have somewhere to go, you know. And I don't wanna be late. But yet I'm still stuck here, because I'm tooooo lazy.

Yeah, I know. I know what you think of me.

Har har har.

Now I just need to get my butt off and go to Far East!

Argh. I hate late afternoon laziness. I can't believed I can't be psyched to go for a pedicure even. This is madness.

The world has come to an end.

Just a short post.

2008-11-10T03:52:00.004+08:00

I really appreciate you.

A lot.

=)

Of baking and weddings.

2008-11-04T20:05:00.007+08:00

I love going to weddings!

My grand-uncle's daughter is getting married this saturday and I seriously can't wait to go.

Hehe. Like wth lah. It's not like I'm even her or her close family member right, why should I be so excited?

BUT I AM.

(Like that makes a perfect excuse)

So anyway. I love weddings for all their glitz and glamour, gorgeous details, and that wonderful romantic lovey-dovey atmosphere! Okay, so I confess I am a very hopeless romantic. Sigh. *gives sad whimpering look* I adore anything romantic and emotional.

I am emotional. Quite emotional, really. If you peel off my outer onion layers.

I also can't wait to wear my dress this weekend! It's a lovely white dress which I bought long ago at a sale at BYSI and I have not gotten the chance to wear it yet. You know, its like one of the occasions when you walk past a sale at this major clothing brand, and you think, "Wah... they're clothes always so expensive one leh. But now got sale leh! Should I buy should I buy?"

And then you wonder inside, just to take a look. Just for a little while.

And then, BHAM!!! You're hit with it.

I call it the Uncontrollable Sales Syndrome. Suddenly, it's as though Mr Hyde has taken over you, you make unjustified purchases, saying stuff like, "Oh, this dress, I wouldn't wear it usually, but you know... It's for one of those special occasions!"

And then the special occasion never comes and the dress sits at the bottom of your closet, among your other 'special buys', collecting mould and basically just rotting.

=(

So anyway, I am really glad that I got the chance to wear this white dress before it actually rots!

Trust me, dresses really grow mouldy. Especially white ones. Like this white flower-girl dress which I wore about 6 years ago for my aunt's wedding and left it alone after that, the next thing I knew when I opened my wardrobe was that it was a ghastly sickly shade of yellow. There were also brown moss like stuff growing on it. (Yes, I know it sounds really sick but yeah)

I also have lots of baking to do this whole week!

I love baking. This week is wonderful and quite enjoyable really, cos I can just sit at home and browse through recipes online and wonder if I have to make a trip down to Phoon Huat again (which I actually love and always find excuses for) and then finally BAKE!

Omg I must be mad.

But then again my family and Henry and his family has something nice to eat yeah.

I think I shall just continue making a new pastry/cake every week. Quite interesting. Actually, I've made a lot but I just did not take pictures and bother to post them up because they were gone within a matter of... 2 or 3 days?

Anyway, this week it's apple strudel!

Will post the pictures up soon if I have the heart.

Until then, je'taime!

******

PS: All the best to my J2 friends doing A levels now. Just wanna let you all know that you have been on my mind and I have been praying for you all. Especially Jasmine and Kelly. I love you! You can do it, I promise! Just strive hard for the remaining few weeks!

2008-10-09T18:44:00.003+08:00

I really love talking to my bestfriend on the phone lah.

It makes me feel sooooo warm and fuzzy and comfortable.

It's like, no awkward moments, I've NEVER feel uncomfortable ONCE talking to her... Except when we weren't that close yet maybe. That was years ago in Secondary 1 however. Haha. But now, no!

I love being able to talk to her about anything and surprisingly she can relate to most of them.

It's really wonderful how two quite different people with different focus points in life can actually have so much in common when it comes to perceptions of people and how we face challenges in our life.

And I'm so proud of that.

I'm so proud of having you as my bestfriend, seriously. Awwww mushy message.

Although I never really reply your messages at times and even on my blog, you're the ONLY one who tags (and I still don't reply), I'll have you know that you are always on my mind almost everyday!

Seriously. And although we don't really take pictures together often. Why ah.

(Actually, I found out that I don't really take pictures together with my close friends or family too. This is bad. I should do it one day before... anything happens.)

And actually I remember the last time we both actually took more (I won't say many) pictures together was during our band days in secondary school. Every big event, sure walk around the bandroom and take with the juniors, Mr Yap, etc.

Not that I actually really enjoyed it.

I mean, not the people. I do think I just am innately camera-shy even though I won't admit it.

Or maybe we just both really hate cameras hahaha

Anyway, I don't know why I'm close to you but I don't even call you by any nicknames too! Never Jas, or Ngu Ngu (it's kinda weird actually, you know I'm not those 'act cute' type) ... Yeah. Just Jasmine.

Sometimes, I actually still reminisce back at the old Secondary 2 days when we used to hang out at MacDonald's almost every. Single. Day.

And just buy those really cheap student meals (you always bought chicken, and I always bought fish.) and gossip and complain about school-work.

Not that we had that much work-load, actually.

I think we were too free or something. Thats true, Sec 2 life was slow, it rolled past like a lawn-mower which refuses to budge unless it cuts every inch of grass it is on. Then again, Sec 2 life was almost spent in a half slumber, half "Is-this-even-streaming-year?" state.

I remember when I was bored in class and seriously tired of Miss Seah (I actually hated her so much cos she always made me mop the floor after Home Econs), I would nudge you and tell you the number of varicose veins on her feet which popped out.

Yeah, I was that bored. And I really didn't like Miss Seah.

Especially after the incident when she punished our whole class right after OBS, I immediately had this bad premonition about her.

Not that she liked me very much too I guess. I was the most inefficient Home Econs Rep.

I was kinda excited when she left school. I think everybody secretly was.

Anyway, then I remember in band, you were always the better one and I was trying SO HARD to get my scales right. And one day in Secondary Two, you actually asked me to go over to your house to teach me how to play the clarinet. And you were the 'teacher', I was the 'student'.

Haha. Thinking about it now, it's kinda funny. First time I ate spaghetti with Sin Sin tomato sauce. But I didn't get why you were so pissed with your maid also. Quite nice what.

And then at the end of Secondary Two, I suddenly improved and only my sound improved but my skills were still like crap. I seriously hated any technical aspect of music. I always tried to play every piece my way. I think I made a really bad music student.

But anyway, I always managed to get it all together before any performance.

And you were the one whose techniques were damn good. So you were made Clarinet SL and Quartermistress. And then I was made Woodwinds SL, which... up till today, still puzzles me. But anyway, I was really surprised, and grateful and thankful for that opportunity.

Even if it only lasted for a few months.

And then remember about my infuation with that SOMEONE?

Yes, I was so seriously infatuated with _ _ that I refused to look up everytime _ _ walked past. For fear that _ _ would stare right into my eyes and electrify me. Like wth right. Haha.

Now I think its just silly.

******

Anyway, up till today you are still my bestfriend. And I do hope we remain as good friends for a long time.

I will seriously help you analyze any guy who comes into your life (guys, you'd better treat her nicely and with all due respect!) and also help you analyze every big decision that you are going to make.

I seriously don't know what I will do without you. You are my major confidante and listener.

Thank you for being my bestfriend, Jasmine Ngu.

God bless you and all the best for your A levels!

You can surely do it. Don't aim low, you should seriously aim for 3 As since you got so high for prelims! Sometimes I think you need to have more confidence in yourself. (<--- Now it's my time to say this to you, next time you'd better say this to me!)

(:

I love you Jasmine Ngu!

It's times like these...

2008-10-07T01:24:00.002+08:00

One day before the H2 maths paper,

That
I suddenly really miss my best friend.

Haha. That's because we have one thing in common.

Dengue.

2008-10-04T13:03:00.005+08:00

Henry is really sick with dengue fever.

Really ill. He's been lying in bed for 2-3 days and cannot move about much.

I feel so sad and very sorry for him. Poor boy. It's like, he's frequently sick but this is just different. It's DENGUE.

I keep thinking about how he must be lying in bed and feeling so much pain and misery and boredom. I know how it feels. And it just kinda makes me feel soooooo bad.

I expressed my concern about it and told Dora who said actually most people say they have Dengue but actually they don't. I prayed for him to get better.

Then I went to check up on dengue and it said it is not very serious, Singapore has 3000-4000 cases each year. And most cases only require home treatment unless its the more severe type which is known as Dengue Hamaeerraghic Fever.

Hmmm. I just called his Mom and she said he has like, 8 days MC. Which means he really can't go for the Australia outfield which lasts 1 month. Wonder if he will have to downpes when he recovers.

Not that it matters to me, I do hope he will not go for the outfield anyway because it will be ONE MONTH long and if he falls sick again during the outfield I will worry a lot. And so will his Mom.

I wonder how it feels like to have two females worry over you. Does it feel good? Or does it feel annoying? Heh

Even if he comes back safe and sound with a kangaroo for me I will still feel very bad if I know that he suffered during outfield.

NS sucks. Since when did I start to worry so much?

Maybe it must have been because of my dream.

Seriously hope he will get better soon. By the way, the phone-call with his Mom went kinda weird because she and I started talking at the same time, and then we both kept quiet, waiting for the other to talk first. And then WE BOTH STARTED TALKING AT THE SAME TIME AGAIN.

It's like, you know when you're walking on a path and you bump into someone and then both of you move aside, but to the same way and then you both move AGAIN, but it's the same way so you block each other again?

It always happens to me.

ARGH.

And I kinda think slower when I talk in Chinese because I have to translate English words to Chinese in my brain and it is clear that I am a little deficit since I have not touched any Chinese language for 1 year.

OH WELLS.

Hope he recovers. Soon. HE MUST.

I still have a bento to make him.

PS: On another note, do check your flowerpots or bamboo pole holders or any empty pails for stagnant water lying around. I hate stagnant water and always pour it away whenever I see some.

2008-10-04T13:01:00.000+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That was terrible.

:(

:(

:(

First time I felt really annoyed in my life.

2008-09-18T00:00:00.011+08:00

Today, I actually felt really pissed at someone! Just felt like going up to confront that person! It's like, argh.

But of course I didn't.

And it made me feel so bad for one WHOLE day. It was simmering inside me, this feeling that refused to fade away. During maths lesson I kept thinking about it!

During Integration FA, I kept thinking about it!

It's like, this horrible dreadful feeling stuck in my heart somewhere and not letting me breathe properly.

(okay a bit exagerrated lah ahaha but you get the idea lah)

You know, when you're feeling quite annoyed and you feel like confronting someone but yet you don't think it's REALLY wise to do it, that kinda feeling?

Yes, I had that feeling. It was brooding inside me!

%@$!@$^%!$@^%!%^!!!!

Sheesh. Why am I so COWARD.

WHY AM I ALWAYS SO COWARDLY?!

Grrr. Can't stand my coward-ness sometimes. Like don't even dare to do anything and just let it stay in my heart and simmer. Forever and ever.

Until one day, that person does something nice for me and I actually totally forget about it!

Forget about all the terrible stuff. The sun comes out and shines again! The birds chirp and the flowers bloom!

Like, wtf right.

I need courage.

And some patience. And please open up my heart to understand and hopefully, forgive. Thank you.

PS: I actually have a strange feeling that my confrontation will come soon. Or either that person will confront me first due to my cold and don't-really-wish-to-talk behaviour. Haha. We'll see.

Why.

2008-09-11T15:52:00.011+08:00

I can't believe you actually did that.

Sigh. I'm disappointed with you.

While there was confusion, while everybody was talking,

I just kept quiet, looking at your very innocent look.

My imploring eyes stared at you, hoping that you would admit it anytime soon.

You did not even meet my eye, and

pretended nothing was going on.

You put on quite a show.

After that, I just closed my eyes and wondered why you even did that.

The images of you and that innocent look just flashed through my mind. And I remembered other instances.

I felt pretty disturbed.

Wolf in disguise. Can't believe everyone thinks you're so sweet, and innocent and... nice.

Was it that difficult to own up?

. . .

The only reason why I didn't say anything is because I am your friend.

Sigh.

I feel quite disgusted.

Oreo Cheesecake.

2008-09-06T04:52:00.001+08:00

Whoops. I know, haven't posted for long. It's 4:25am now and I've been doing some Math.

Also just finished baking a cheesecake for Henry and his Mom!

I'm going to his house tomorrow and decided I would bake something with the oven that his Mom gave me.

Anyway, I love baking cheesecakes especially with a water-bath.

It's extremely therapeutic and the whole kitchen is filled with a oreo and vanilla smell now. I added some vanilla in for some extra kick.

Damn yummy.

It's raining now too. I love the smell of rain combined with freshly baked cheesecake on a cold Saturday morning.

Procrastination.

2008-08-13T15:55:00.003+08:00

Shiz, I hate not leading by example.

I hate.

Henry's Mom's Birthday.

2008-08-12T00:41:00.011+08:00

Remember the designer Chrysanthemums fabric I bought from Heather Bailey's Freshcut collection a while ago?

Well, here it is.

I made a pillow out of it for Henry's Mom's birthday, just last week.

Note the huge-ness of the cushion. I love big, fluffy pillows!

And actually, I've found out how easy it is to made cushions. You just need some beautiful fabric and accessories, and maybe about 1 or 2 days of your time.

It worked better with my sewing machine. Yes, I love sewing, yes siree!

Hand-made buttons.

These lovely fabric buttons were hand-made by me too, with coordinating fabric in similar hues to the pillow.

What I did was to follow Magda's brilliant tutorial which showed it to me as easy as A-B-C, for free.

However, the 1st and 2nd tries weren't really ideal, because the buttons could not be supported easily by just plain sewing, so I decided to use some fabric glue as well to keep it sturdy. I even sewed on a last-minute felt backing.

Let's hope it really stays, even through several pillow throws and washes. *crosses fingers*

Close-up of ze beautiful button.

I never really like green very much, but this shade reminds me of Granny Smith apples on a warm Saturday afternoon. Warm and fuzzy. Plus, the white polka dots complete it! Friggin' cute.

Since this was my favourite button of the lot, I decided to make it the centre and focus-point of the pillow.

I wanted to show you all some more photos (I should, this its my first official sewing project) but you know, the unfortunate always happens in the most untimely situations, and my camera shut down on me right after I took this picture!

Anyway, I am glad that I finally finished his Mom's pillow this week!

Update: Henry said it's beautiful and his Mom likes it a lot. They are going to put it in their new car.

Now on to my next project, which is The Boyfriend's own. I have delayed it for several weeks, and I think he has asked me too many times, until he eventually got tired and stopped asking.

Haha.

Funny how I take only 1 week to finish his Mom's one, and about 1 month has passed, but I'm still stuck on his own.

Okay.

I will finish it soon! Promise.

Needlework.

2008-08-08T00:14:00.011+08:00

Been sewing so much the past few weeks, my fingers are getting numb from all the needle pricks now.

I tell you, it sucks to be sewing and admiring your work, when suddenly, you push in the needle a little too hard in the wrong direction and find it nestling in your warm flesh.

Argh. (Sounds a lil' sick eh... Haha!)

Anyway, it feels good to be sewing.

It feels good to be doing something so matronly. I haven't really been in touch with my domestic side for ages.

Just to let you know, I am actually a very domestic person.

I love to cook, bake, clean and do little cute stuff like sewing little crafts.

It's actually quite fun to do them, you know. I think its my little secret passion. I can so imagine you scrunching up your nose and thinking that I'm a bit mad now.

Henry actually said I should make use of my crafty talent to go and set up a business selling crafts, pillows specifically.

I could just imagine his business mind clicking at that very moment he uttered that.

However, I only laughed and mentioned who would buy them?

And he said he would.
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Awwww, so sweet.

(*Notice that I don't use the word 'Awwww' often because I find it a bit too sickly sweet when used by the wrong people. So, if I use it it has to be something really good.)

I believe if I wasn't a student, I would be a housewife. *grins*
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Okay, maybe not.

A bit too far-fetched.

I might eventually get bored staying at home 365 days a year, and what else to do besides going to community centres to sign up for random cooking courses or maybe go shopping once in a while in Tanglin?

I think I would be better at work. Interaction with humans and knowledge of general issues would make me more in tune with the ways of the world.

I don't know how some housewives can just spend their whole married lives at home lah.

Wouldn't it get boring one day?

But then again, thinking about it, it ain't a bad job lah. You get to do whatever you want whenever you want it, no work stress.

You get to do fun things like buying groceries and cooking dinner for your husband when he comes back from work, you clean your home the way you want, without having to worry about a maid laundering your clothes wrongly.

Damn fun lah.

Unless you're the type who hates cleaning and cooking.

But I love.

******

Anyway, I'm still sewing my little project but I'll let you know what is it exactly that I'm spending so much time on soon!

Right after I finish.

Stay tuned. (:

You know something.

2008-08-06T22:03:00.008+08:00

I suddenly realised that I love my friend Kelly Ho a lot, a lot.

Example of Kelly.

You're one of the most self-less, encouraging, peaceful, always smiling and always listening people that I know.

I can't believe we never talked much even though we were in the same class until Sec 3, but you know seriously, am I ever so glad that I have you as my good friend.

The good ol' days escaping from lessons and preening in the toilet.

I once thought you were kinda quiet and never the kind whom I would relate with, but once I got to know you, I realised boy was I wrong, there was a deep personal connection with you!

You're the girl who would never ever curse someone even if he/she has done an extremely bad deed to you,

Have I ever told you one of the most dazzling things about you is your sunshine SMILE?

You're the girl who kept reminding a nonchalent me about karma,

You're the girl who constantly failed Maths and Biology but always received As in Literature with me,

Oh, how bored we must have seemed.

You're the girl who would always listen to my problems. I really appreciate the way you listen ever so attentively, yet never get swayed and give me a level-headed view. You're always the type who would ask me, "What Would Jesus Do?".

You're the girl who empathises with her heart, and not her mouth.

You're the girl who once told me with a really earnest heart, "How can you do that! You can't have a boyfriend if you're not sure if you love him yet."

You're the one who smiles over a mile away when I see you in the hallway and shout out your name.

You're the girl who watched me cry at the clinic once.

You're the girl who accompanied me to buy a straw bag and watched me bargain.

You're also the one who threw away your brand new straw bag with me in a Somerset MRT station dustbin just because we genuinely thought it was haunted.

The choir concert that I went to, just for you.

You're the girl who told me once, "I've not gone to church for a long time, because I no longer feel the connection". I brought you to mine and you started going again.

A scene of our favourite chill-out before it always got so crowded.

(By the way, just to let you know, I always head up to buy a packet of chilled ham whenever I'm at Serene Centre now.)

You're just that girl, and so much more.

Although we don't have time to properly hang out and catch up much nowadays, cept' for an occasional 'hi-and-bye' along the stairways,

I just wanna say:

It's been 3 years.

Thank you for your friendship, and so much more.
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Thank you for just being Kelly.

Need.

2008-08-05T23:00:00.003+08:00

Tired...
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I'm tired.

Of waiting, of listening, of being there.

I do not want to go out and just walk and talk to you like a blank doll.

A white porcelain doll with cherubic lips, pretty, fragile, but my eyes are lifeless and convey no expression.

I feel no connection.

In fact, countless times after encounters with you, do I think it was unnecessary and not worthwhile.

Stop calling me.

You don't need me.

I need some space alone.

You have no idea how much I need this.

Neither do I too, I just need some time alone to gauge.

About my sense of direction.

2008-08-01T23:14:00.003+08:00

Why do I always have the tendency to knock into objects, living or non-living?

Yesterday, was yet another embarrassing experience, bearing a vaguely eerie similarity to last year's.

Anyway, it so happened that I was in the quadrangle and rushing for assembly when the bell rang.

The stupid assembly theme song was playing again, the one that sounds so positively cheery and delighted that its yet another new day of school, oh happy day!

Gossiping excitedly with my friends, we were walking hastily and soon got entangled in the mass crowd.

I turned around to look at my friends, just to check if they were still behind.

They were there too.

Then I turned back again.

The next thing I knew, my face was in a mess of dark, black hair. (Would have been a way more unpleasant scenario in a horror movie)

Don't ask me why. I dunno.

But I stepped back, and to my horror, it was not a ghost but a girl.

Geez.

The girl just turned around and stared at me in half surprise and shock, shock that I was rude enough to entrap myself in her tresses!

I immediately recognised her as Miffy-voice, the name that she was known to my other friends and I. Thats because she sounds like Miffy the cartoon, haha.

Geez. I was only thinking if she had washed her hair last night.

I looked at her, looked around at the situation and decided this time, it couldn't be that bad because there were fewer people around paying any attention this time.

So, what else can one do when you knock into a fellow human?

I immediately apologised and said, "Omgosh, sorry! I'm so sorry!" and was half-laughing at my misdeed and extremely bad sense of direction.

I think I did not sound sincere.

There was nothing else I could really say. "Erm... I accidentally knocked into you? Sorry, haha!"

Anyway, I hastily left, leaving her still in surprise.

What an absolutely horrid experience. I shall make another note, not to bump into anything else in the future.

Geez.

Ze Very Happy Girl.

2008-07-29T19:20:00.013+08:00

I am a very happy girl today because I finally received what I wished for!

Make a guess?

It came in a nice brown envelope.
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Let's see what's inside!
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2 yards of yummy.

This is fabric from the exclusive designer Heather Bailey's Freshcut collection!

*dances around in joy* *grins excitedly*

Remember I wrote a post on Heather Bailey a few weeks ago? I was inspired by her wonderful collections of fabric.

After that post, I went on a massive search for her fabric. I combed through high and low, trying to find shops or suppliers in Singapore who sold her collections but unfortunately there weren't any.

Thank goodness for online shopping.

Thank goodness also for the depreciating US dollar.

I purchased this fabric from Etsy about a week back and have been waiting for the arrival of this baby ever since.

It took more than 1 week to arrive, past the expected arrival date estimated by the seller, but I can say it was well worth the wait.

Lying on my dresser, bathing in the warm evening glow.

Isn't it lovely?

This fabric is peach chrysanthemums on a robin-egg-blue background.

I was originally looking for something Tiffany's blue, but this was the closest I could get, nonetheless I love this!

I adore classic floral prints like this.

To me, it is timeless, and will never go out of style.

Freshcut and fabulous.

Hmmm, I'm still figuring out what to do with this pile of fabric.

I know part of it will definitely go into making a cushion for Henry's Mom's birthday, and the other half for my Mom's birthday.

Both birthdays are coming so soon, and in the same month!

Ah sigh.

I am also going to finish making his gift and if I can find some time, bake an oreo cheesecake for him this weekend.

Was a long time since I last made it.

Sheesh. So much to do, so little time!

Like Music Playing Without Sound.

2008-07-22T22:56:00.010+08:00

I just finished typing out the Dance article and boy, am I drained!

Out of 3 people I messaged and called from Dance last week, only ONE finally replied and she was the President.

Thank goodness someone had the decency to at least entertain the fact that I write for the college magazine and that my deadline is due soon (!!), and I really thank her that I finally got a reply at least.

Sometimes, it is just that difficult to get people for interviews.

Probably because they are afraid of what they have to account for if they aren’t the higher authority.

Another reason could be because they just couldn’t give a bother, after all, what would it matter if they did not reply, it’s my article that I have to do, not theirs.

Anyway, after the interview part is done, the rest of my assignment is usually very secure because I just have to sit in front of a computer for say, 45 minutes and stare at the blank screen with a mind block thinking of how to phrase a formal document properly.

*** ***

Today was Council Installation Day, and we had our assembly in the hall.

Isn’t it funny, how sometimes, when you’re out of something, you feel you can see the world so much more clearer?

Different perspectives, I guess.

Anyway, today, the school band was called to play the national anthem and school song as usual.

And today was the day, I actually saw the school band from the outside world perspective for the first time.

Suddenly, I felt a small, sharp feeling of nostalgia.

It pricked.

I never thought I would feel this way, until, perhaps a long time.

I actually wanted to raise my hand and wave at them, those whom I know, sitting in the gallery just looking very sullenly and bored down at the mass crowd below, wondering how much time they would have to wait before their turn to play.

Like them, I was once, one of the performers in the gallery, looking at the mass crowd below and tapping my feet impatiently, aimlessly chatting with fellow section mates, waiting for our turn to play while drifting in and out of sleep in between.

I was part of them.

Now, I am only but one insignificant soul of the ‘mass crowd’.

I am now part of the others.

Although, I still am feeling really glad that I did not stay on and spend more of my time there doing something which I do not enjoy. This, by the way is my very true feelings and the main reason why I did not wish to stay.

I looked at them for a long time today, and I could almost just imagine their conversation before they started and stopped playing.

Faeliq would be signaling to them when to hold up instruments, they would be joking and crapping about some random nonsense and basically there would be some people falling asleep in between.

The more I looked at them, the more I felt this strong urge to suddenly return and be a part of them.

To be part of the gallery. To sit above and hold my instrument proudly, and look at the ‘commoners’ below.

‘Commoners’ they were to me last time, now I am but one part of the commoners who sit and wait for the music to start and stop.

I waved.

Nobody waved back.

Or perhaps, nobody saw me. This just about illustrates my point.

I am only but one of the mass crowd now. An insignificant part of the audience, which those on stage cannot see.

When they finally played, I closed my eyes and imagined the most glorious music on earth.

I felt a quick, impulsive flicker in my heart.

It lasted for a mere 3 seconds, before I jolted back to reality.
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This is what you want.

My heart soothed.

2008-07-20T23:36:00.000+08:00

Technorati Profile

This Is Too Funny.

2008-07-16T17:15:00.007+08:00

Watch this haha I ended up laughing and almost peeing in my pants!

Clever, don't you think?

In case you don't get the last one, it's about a talkshow showcasing a german coach who tries to dig his nose discreetly.

Mission failed.

Worse thing is, he actually very discreetly ate it when he thought nobody was looking! (actually, who isn't guilty of doing that? I bet you cleanphobes/nitpricks do that too when nobody's looking, don't you don't you?)

Haha. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't in front of the camera eh.

I Heart Purses.

2008-07-15T18:24:00.024+08:00

I never really liked purses very much, especially those with a kiss clasp because they remind me of old grannies who wear jade and put on powdered perfume.

However, today I believe I have just about seen the most exquisite purses ever.

They are really pretty.

Yes, the word to describe is 'pretty'.

Why so, you ask?

Well, take a look. I found these good buys on Etsy. I've been surfing Etsy lately, they do seem to have such wonderful crafts and gift ideas.

Anyway, without much ado, here they are.

1. Nostalgic Peony and Lotus Silk-Lined Clutch Bag

Monochrome peonies on hand-woven linen.

This purse is lovingly hand-made, and not mass-produced.

I love all things nostalgic that bring me a feel of something antique. For example, I like the smell of old things as they make me reminisce of the past. A past where I did not exist, a past that I do not know of.

I like to believe that I have a bit of an old-body in me, that is, someone who actually appreciates vintage items.

Even it's butt looks cute.

And no, vintage do not really include the kind of 'retro dresses' or 'granny leather handbags' you see in places like Far East Plaza.

To me, vintage is something exquisite and luxe. Something that is not easily owned nor mass-produced.

I like the feel of this purse because its beautiful monochrome peonies remind me of something old and faded but still elegant, like a 20's broadway dame who has reached the peak and also the end of her career.

They say the most beautiful people age gracefully with time, and not against time.

I also appreciate the fact that it carries a slightly elegant and chic side by incorporating a deep Christmas red inside the purse.

I heart this red. It just seems to go so well with the black and white.

The red that you see here is actually stunning dupion silk, making it a luxury every time it is opened.

2. Italian Poppy Silk Lined Clutch Bag

Very Anya Hindmarch.

Oh, Cherie! Cherie!

This is a cute little purse bursting with sun-filled poppy goodness.

This reminds me of a stroll down a delicatessen-lined Paris street on Sunday morning, wearing a mustard yellow summer dress and carrying a red brolly in one hand.

Casual Italian chic.

Again, it has a pretty butt to show off.

I personally dislike it when bags or clutches only look pretty in the front, and has no substance at the back. It's like, everytime you sit down, you always have to leave your clutch pretty side up.

However, with this purse, feel free to place it on either side and watch your friends gasp, before asking, "Gosh, where did you get this from? It's so pretty!".

Baby pink silk-lined interior.

Now, I don't really like the interior of this purse.

Baby pink does not seem to go so well with a cheerful floral print on a white background.

I think a better colour to go would be dark green or royal purple silk.

3. Wood For The Trees Purse

Noir trunks and branches inked on a stark blanc background.

The print from Cole Of England is stunning - a classic print on crisp heavyweight cotton.

Be a nature lover and use this purse to store your loose change, keys and a few necessary cards.

I like the robin-egg-blue silk interior.

Note: This is pure silk, and not satin.

Whip this little baby out when you're wearing a graphic print tshirt, jeans and ballet flats on a casual Saturday afternoon.

Definitely save the environment kitsch.

And, last but not least...
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4) Fiery Poppy Silk-Lined Clutch Bag

The grand old dame.

Oh my! A stunning oriental poppy features on each side of this clutch.

The fabric is a finely embroidered brocade, in rich oranges, reds and chocolate brown.

The outer fabric of this purse is complimented with a stunning dupion silk lining in antique gold - when the light catches this silk it reflects the most wonderful rich golds, yellows and coppery reds.

*** ***

Anyway, enough of purses for today!

I like all these purses, particularly the Monochrome Peony.

However, each of these hand-made babies actually cost 60-80 USD, and its not counting international shipping fees yet.

Not a wise choice for a daily purse, because stuff that get into my hands usually dirty easily. *sheepish look*

Hmmm, I do need a new wallet though because I'm thoroughly tired of my trusty black one. I remember in secondary school I would buy a new wallet or bag every few months or so.

I stopped spending so excessively in JC when I learnt to control my weekly allowance and would buy things necessarily as and when I need them.

Though usually I'm still prone to occasional shopping attacks.

:)

Heh, anyway, gotta go now. Will update soon again!

Till then.

I pray.

Last.

2008-07-11T18:01:00.008+08:00

Dear _______,

I only told her the truth. I kept it till this day despite the lies you have told her and everybody else.

She called me up and asked me to verify, I told her the truth.

The truth will only leak out one day or another.

******

They say once bitten, twice shy.

I want nothing to do with you again, and no, I will not help you.

I cannot do your favour, because I will not say an untruth, especially to help someone who spread untruths about me in the past.

You offered me promises of 'rewards' to do your favour? ...
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Wth.

It is that easy to judge a person by what he/she says in times of dire need.

Honestly, do you really think I would still believe in you after what you had done?

Your actions proved your character.

You dug your own hole, and buried yourself in it. If you truly loved her, you would not have done this to her.

I could have voiced out the truth then since I was shocked and angry when I found out, but then I decided to think about it for a few days.

If I really did speak up then, on the contrary, others might only think that I was trying to deny my 'feelings' for you, because I would have sounded so agitated.

Therefore, I decided to keep my cool and not blow matters up.

It has been 1 year. I had already buried this issue, until she called me up.

And until today, you still expect me to cover up for you and do you a favour?

You wanted me to lie in return so that you would not look bad and lose your loved one.

Oh gee.
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What can I say, really? You leave me speechless.

You can't expect me to lie to cover up your arse, can you?

Besides, I will not help somebody who is an arsehole.

Last year you were laughing at me and calling me 'dumb', today, you are begging me to do you a favour.

Seems like karma comes back and bites you on the tail when you least realise it.

******

All in all, I hope you have a good talk with her. If you still truly love her with all your heart, your sincerity will show, and she will know.

I sincerely wish you all the best with her, and I truly mean it.

Freshcut and fabulous!

2008-07-09T01:12:00.025+08:00

I absolutely love the range of Freshcut fabric by Heather Bailey!

They are really cute, beautiful and whimsical.

Heather Bailey herself is an inspiration, to me. What I like about her collections is that she is able to mix and match any print and any contrasting colour, and they seem to go well everytime.

I wish Singapore had some stock, so far I've Googled many retailers and none of them even seem to stock any of Amy Butler's prints, let alone Heather Bailey. Ah sigh.

What is there not to love?

I've been thinking of making a quilt these days, especially since I have been visiting certain craft websites and the quilt patterns always do seem to come out so nice.

I think it should not be too difficult as I have made pillows and toilet-roll holders from scratch before, and they turned out pretty good.

The only bad thing is that I do not have the beautiful resources to do so.

The range of craft prints in Singapore is rather limited, as compared to Australia and America where they seem to churn out these yummy beauties by the dozen.

In fact, I find the collection of fabric at Spotlight rather miserable and mandatory. It takes a lot to flip around and find a really good print, even if you do, it does not match up to Bailey's and Butler's styles. Aiyar sigh.

Abysmal collection from Spotlight? Please, do not tell me these are cute.

The real good stuff.

I really want some quality cloth.

Alright, nuff' said. I shall thereafter leave some eye candy for ahead! :)

Strawberry pin cushions - aren't they the cutest thing ever?

I love the contrast with bright red and turqoise. The yellow button brings it all together.

Heather's workshop. Look at the numerous piles of candy-coloured fabric in her chest - simply heavenly!

I feel like I just stepped into Neverland.

These are the stuff my childhood dreams are made up of.

Green isn't really my colour, but...

This particular shade just spells Q-U-I-R-K-Y!

A toffee pillow to match the caramel-coloured sofa.

And, the lovely Heather herself.

Awww sigh. Freshcut needs me so bad. I need Freshcut so bad.

I think I would just collapse in bliss if a bundle of freshly printed Freshcut fabric arrived on my doorstep right now.

On the other hand, I'm getting a spanking new sewing machine soon!

Sewing machine: $299
Spare parts: $65
Fabric: $10
Thread and other miscellaneous materials: $5.90

The look of satisfaction on your loved one's face: Priceless

Surprised?

Can't wait for this baby to arrive.

An Unsent Letter.

2008-07-08T16:13:00.011+08:00

There is something that has been at the back of my mind for a long time.

I've not touched it, neither have I pondered about this or bothered to talk about this for some time.

Yes, it's about you.

The reason why I kept quiet all this while was because I did not want to blow up this matter.

Despite knowing that I was not the one in the wrong, I knew if I did go around and tell everybody about what ACTUALLY happened, it would blow things up to a larger scale and make things worse.

Thats why I kept it in my heart for really long until today, and I believe up till now some people still believe that what you said was true, and still view me with the eyes that come with the words which you said.

I remember sometime, last year.

I was new to my surroundings and you were an experienced old bird. (sorry, I just had to use the word 'bird' cos I think it really suits you)

Perhaps, you were bored. Perhaps you felt the need to vaporize someone for you own personal pleasure so that you would look good.

Nevertheless, thank you I guess, for being a 'friend'.

Thank you for hanging out with me, showing me acts of concern, building rapport with me, telling me about some of your insecurities (hmmm, are they really?) and letting me see you as somebody who wasn't as bad as others claimed.

Thank you for the nights out with me, where we just walked and talked and you poured out some of your issues and listened to me.

I was listening in the status of a friend who actually believed you were genuinely in need of friends.

I thought other people were being biased towards you, and that they could not recognize that you were in fact, a mere being with the ability to feel with your heart truly.

I believed you just wanted to do good for everybody, even though they must have interpreted your intentions badly (oh they must have!).

Hey, geez, perhaps this is the reason why you have little friends in the first place, I suppose?

For you were somebody who allowed me to place my trust in you, and confide in you some of my heartfelt issues, before turning around and stabbing me in the back.

Thank you for showing me the truth, and telling me you wanted to help me to get rid of the evil, when you were essentially the truth in itself.

I do not know what you were thinking when you went around spreading untruths to everybody, just because I did not talk to you for a while.

Thank you for looking into my eyes and telling me you liked me with true genuinity, before telling everybody that I was the one who liked you, and you found me irritating.

Thank you, really, I must say.

However, I must say my real thanks lie in the fact that I now know what kind of person you truly are, and to allow me to unravel myself quickly from this whole complicated mess that you have created and still trap yourself in.

After the incident, I must say I was truly shocked to hear about this coming from of all people, but you. But after a moment of pondering, this thought came into my mind.

"Who would not have known? Who would not have known what this kind of person truly was?"

I have kept my peace about this issue for a year.

All I can say now is, today I am now glad that I know what kind of character you truly are - very intriguing and interesting (yes), but also very complicated and messed-up.

You asked me, why? Why is your life always filled with dread and gloom?
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Let me tell you why.
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You are the one who constantly brings yourself into all these issues.

I wouldn't have minded if you were not my friend at first.

People ask me why don't I talk to you anymore, why don't I even look at you?

Is it because I feel upset that you 'rejected' me?

Let me tell you the answer, point-blank:

It's because, I do not want to be associated or even go near somebody like you.

I hate the thought of having somebody whom I thought was a friend, turn around and stab me in the back, then claiming that I stabbed my own self.

Yes, t'was very nice of you. Extremely kind, eh.

I hope you do not do it to another innocent party though.

That's it. I've said my peace.

Amen.

Is Cloud 9 Only A Temporary Feeling?

2008-07-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

Ahhh, I love...
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Shan't say.

Roses.

2008-06-28T00:42:00.007+08:00

I have a love-hate relationship with roses.

Firstly, I think they're a waste of money.

Simply because, flowers are not practical and they die after 1 or 2 days.

However, being a very feminine girl I do love all things beautiful and pretty and roses are one of them.

A butter yellow one. Pretty, no?

This picture was taken under the warm dusky lighting of my home. I love my house.

I appreciate how roses have many powdery soft layers, they are beautiful outside but oh-so-fragile and delicate essentially. A simple tug will send their petals falling onto the floor.

This brings to mind that the most beautiful things are also the most perishable and delicate.

Such as, love.

Love may be beautiful (and best thing of all, it comes free) but you never know how delicate and gently you would have to treat one in love unless you are in a relationship.

I have always believed in the saying,

"Love thy neighbour as thyself."

It rings true in most that I have had to deal with in life.

I am trusting and kind to most people that I meet essentially.

But prick me with a thorn, and you can be very certain that I will put up my defence against you.

As said, it takes a day to break a friendship but a thousand moments to patch it back.

******

Aiyar I wish Valentine's Day was here again so that I could receive many roses.

Pretence.

2008-06-21T01:06:00.005+08:00

The feelings of sharpness, jealousy. Anger.

My heart turned sour.

Warm tears pricked my eyes and for a moment, the world around me had muted out and dissolved into a vague, blurry mess. Time had suddenly seemed to come to a stand still.

Only the small wooden clock, true to its time, stayed ticking solemnly on the wall.

I couldn't believe what was in front of my eyes.

Blink once.

My eyelids felt heavy, the tears threatened to spill out.

Thoughts rushed through my head, from 1 year ago, from 3 years ago, from 5 years ago.
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Passionate, flowery, sad and bitter-sweet.

I really wanted to go up to embrace these thoughts, but I felt a stronge urge to stay guarded in my roots.

Stay to your roots, girl. Stay to your roots. Never sway.

Come one step further and I'll give a five across your eyes.

My heart has dipped into a bowl of warm sea water and it just wants to stay there forever.

Away.

Late night McDonalds.

2008-06-17T13:35:00.011+08:00

Eating Mcdonald's late at night is actually quite good.

I had the craving for McD's last night at 2am.

I was trying to resist the urge at first, and between 2-230 am I was actually flipping through channels on Starhub TV and a single question was running through my mind, "Should I... Or should I not?"

In the end, I could not resist the urge anymore and finally called them to deliver it to my house!

Argh.
I should not be doing this much anymore.

Let's be rational here. *clears throat*

1stly, it's not good for my health to eat junk food late at night.

2ndly, it's really quite expensive.

3rdly, I might put on the pounds.

4thly, if really must eat so late at night, why must you call for delivery and add an extra $3 to your bill when you could have just crossed a few blocks and walked to McDonald's?
Huh huh huh?

Anyway, last night I could not reject my tremendous craving for McWings.

Geez. Why am I so...

Weak.

Be strong, girl!

Fight the craving.

Dare I say... glory is staring at you in the eyes.

Although it's not the weight I'm worried about (I need more pounds, for sakes) but I'm afraid of being unhealthy lah.

*Looks at tummy*

Okay, actually it's in the pounds.

Anyway, I ordered a McWings meal and let me tell you ah, all Mcdelivery staff seem to be really polite and courteous. I can't find any fault with them, and they always do seem to remember my special orders.

Maybe thats another reason why I like going back to them.

Mcdonald's is not that bad, actually.

Okay stop reminding me about Fast Food Nation, yeah.

******

Speaking about fats and fast food, I think I need to hit the gym soon. Or start jogging on a weekly basis, for starters.

Sigh. The gym is so enticing.

It's like, dangling before my eyes.

But I know it's only because of the air-con and the hot guys who will be working out and sweating. *sizzles*

Lol. How superficial can I get?

Even I am amazed by my own superficiality.

But knowing such a klutz like me, even if I dress up glam-glam and wear something really nice, when I go to the gym to work out the Miss Wood in me will just come out again and make me do something really stupid like dropping a weight on my foot when I see a cute guy doing bench-presses.

Geez.

I need a coach to teach me how to not be a klutz.

In the past, whenever I went out with a guy I liked and I would spend so much time to curl my hair and dress up nicely, I would just do something during the date to bop it up.

Like, I dunno - spilling soup on my dress or getting my heel stuck in a drain-cover?

Which is incredibly embarrassing especially if you were looking to make a nice first impression.

By the way, I know it's really funny for guys when girls get their heel stuck in the grills, but yeah. (Actually I think I would find it funny too if I saw a girl get her heel stuck, but ok nmind)

You're not supposed to laugh, but actually SUPPRESS your laughter and go up to help her, can?

It's not like heels were invented for drains or something.

And I bet girls will be incredibly grateful to guys who save their Manolos from the evil of what lurks beneath.

******

Anyway, I've had enough blogging for today. Will go start on my work now.

I'll update on a list on summer shoes next.

You know whats the saddest thing?

2008-06-16T22:05:00.002+08:00

The saddest thing is,

you think you have the right to judge me and to correct me,
when you don't even know me.

I wish I could show you the real me

But why do you keep rejecting my true self?

I know, I do love myself...

But when is the time you will actually start to love me for who I am?

And stop loving me for who you perceive.

Duality.

2008-06-16T22:01:00.003+08:00

I am currently feeling bored and stressed...

Wonder which is worse.

Can't believe I'm browsing through random pictures of shoes and reading people's blogs to de-stress myself, geez.

I foresee a hell ahead.

Another crappy love entry.

2008-06-16T00:45:00.005+08:00

- " Being single is the best.
But everyone wants to fall in love."

How true this is.

I read this somewhere posted by a random user on a forum, and I was like, yeah.

I would feel contented being single too. But somehow, a part of me just wants to be in a relationship, and to feel wanted, and to feel... loved.

I know, having my family and friends are enough, really.

I love spending quality time with my family and would not give up anything in the world for them.

My best friend understands me the most and I'm able to talk to her about anything.

But, having a boyfriend... is like a different thing.

Suddenly, you take someone whom you've barely known for less than than half the lifetime you've spent with your family, and you start to love him/her almost equivalent to how you love your family.

Of course, in a relationship there are always ups and downs.

Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard. It actually takes a lot of time to understand each other and a lot of work to give in to each other at times.

I'm contented being with my boyfriend now, but I do not know if things will change in the future or whatsoever.

We've been together for close to 11 months.

It's too early to think about the future, and I hate how some couples say that they are going to get married to each other 10 years later and they break up before 6 months has passed.

It's just,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... hello.

Maybe, this person might be suitable for you now but how do you know in the future?

I would rather not give or take a promise, it just stresses things up and prepares you all for what is to come or might not be. I would just like to enjoy things as they are now, and come what may.

If you feel you've understood each other enough and are prepared for the bigger thing that will come in the future, then go ahead and take up the challenge and live a very satisfied life.

******

When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears

And when she was happy, so was I, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all

Just she and I together, like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her

And I knew that she loved me

So the years went by, I stayed the same

And she began to drift away, I was left alone

Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "I will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,

She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,

Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,

Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart

When she loved me.

******

I will never forget this song.

It was recited to me by my ex-boyfriend after we broke up.

What made it even more sad was that there was nothing we could do about the break up.

Somehow, songs like these just leave an impending memory on you even after that person has left you. It doesn't help that the singer has a wonderful voice.

Although I do not love him anymore and I can't believe I even forgot how he looks like (although they say you are not supposed to forget your first romance, I think this is nonsense) its like, I can still remember how he sounded like when he sang this song.

I cracked down in my room and just cried for some time, alone.

I can't remember what he looks like or how he's doing now but I remember vaguely that he was very skinny. And I don't like skinny guys though, ahhh wondering what was I doing man.

Am I destined to be with skinny guys forever, seriously. o_____o

Anyway, thinking about it now sure makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy feeling inside, instead. I wonder why.

I think this is a wonderful song, though. I will sing it to my child in the future and tell her the story of my first boyfriend.

Ah, the bliss of the first rush of love.

Being in love can both be wonderful and wretched at the same time.

Babies and how I actually adore them.

2008-06-14T23:16:00.007+08:00

When I saw a picture of a cute baby in the newspaper the other day, I couldn't stop mentioning how adorable he really looked and Dora told me that my maternal instincts were kicking out.

Oh mann. Please don't scare me ah. I'm far too young. And, although I LOVE babies, I do not wish to be a mother yet, thank you.

But.

I SERIOUSLY LOVE BABIES AND TODDLERS.

Everytime when I'm out, whether I'm with a friend or anyone else, whenever I see small babies and kids in the mrt, I find it hard not to look at them and appreciate their cuteness.

Every baby just looks damn adorable to me.

I so wanna go up and cuddle them.

Babies just look so innocent and untainted with the world's troubles. As they lay in their cot sleeping or gazing with curiosity at the big complicated world, I bet what goes on in their minds are, "I am hungry... I want some food."

I mean, hello. All babies need are just to satisfy their needs. That is so basic, and so simplistic and innocent.

I can actually start imagining myself with children in the future right now.

No more than 2, though.

Today, I looked at some pictures of TomKat's baby for the first time - little Suri Cruise, and I believe I am suddenly presented with the most adorable baby in the whole world.

Tell me - how can this not be.

Uh, Mom. I think I need my blankie.

Have I ever seen a baby who gets so excited looking a small dog? And the dog, albeit being small is about half of her size. Imagine how small she is. It's like us standing with a huge German Shepherd.

And here's a picture of little Suri with Tom Cruise.

Wowzers. Tommo actually looks kinda yummy here.

I never used to really like Tom, especially after his fanatic-"I'm in love!"-couch-jump-incident with Oprah.

Poor couches probably couldn't handle his weight and busted after that.

If you really observe Oprah's smile properly, it seriously has that kinda "Err... Get the freak outta here, I'm not really amused but I'm just trying to be" vibe.

Oh gee, Tom.

Seriously, what kind of idiot jumps on a couch on national TV and proclaims that he is in love?

Not to mention his obsession with his Scientology cult:

Freaky.

However, the ol' Cruise has outdone himself again and he actually looks EFFING GOOD-LOOKING here for a Dad:

Being protective over his daughter like any Dad should.

I love men who are dressed in preppy style. And, it doesn't really help that very few Singaporean men can actually pull off the hot Britain prep look. I bet under that cashmere sweater and jeans is actually a pretty tight bod.

*sizzles*

Wtf. Does Katie realise that she is actually one lucky woman?

Imagine who she goes to bed with every night!

After cancelling off the facts about Scientology, his freaky couch jump, his lack of height and the fact that he might actually be a psycho-maniac controller dictating their lives...

Suri playing peek-a-boo between her Dad's legs.

I suppose Tom Cruise couldn't be that bad a Father anyway.

Do I see a mini-Katie here? I think she looks just like her Momma, Katie Holmes.

And Katie sure is morphing into the uber chic Fashionista.

Ever since she met Tom Cruise, Katie is starting to transform into fashion savvy by cutting her long American girl-next-door locks into a stylish bob and donning on more designer clothes.

Katie Holmes: Pictures from yesteryear

Katie Holmes: Before And After

Stylish Mrs Cruise.

Lovely Katie, I think she looks wonderful here for a young Mom.

Katie is also currently the muse of Georgio Armani.

Lovely Suri with her Mama, a darling again.

Absolutely precocious.

I wonder why is she always dressed in long dresses in parks though, isn't the proper play attire for little kids a comfortable warm pair of slacks so that she can still roll around in the grass?

Funny. Although it looks really sweet and all.

I seriously wouldn't mind if my daughter wore like this most of the time, maybe if I had a daughter next time I would definitely buy plenty of day dresses for her to look pretty in.

******

Hmmm, thats enough pictures of Suri for a day.

I think Suri is the cutest celeb baby I've ever seen. She even looks like both Mommy and Daddy, she has Katie's brown hair and Tom's big blue eyes.

Shiloh Nouvel.

And here is Angelina's baby, who actually has the same thick lips as her.

Isn't it amazing, how a baby actually resembles both its parents? I think a child is a wonderful creation from both parents with genes and DNA included.

How can somebody not love a little mini-me who has the same features and same character traits as her/him?

Oh wells. Enough of babies for a while.
...
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
I think I might be having some baby lust.

Random SMSes Behind Locked Doors.

2008-06-13T17:34:00.006+08:00

"Daddy, did anyone call me just now?"

"Yar. A boy."

"Who??"

"I dunno lar... I told him you were sleeping."

"Eh, I wasn't sleeping! I was doing my work."

"I thought you were sleeping?"

"No... Aiyar."

******

Haha, my Dad is the funniest man in the world I swear.

He makes up ANY reply for the phone when my room door is locked.

And I don't often lock my room door, only lock it when I'm inside tweezing my eyebrow or memorizing notes and reading them aloud.

The reason why I'm so A-N-A-L about anyone disrupting my peace when I'm studying is because when I'm memorizing, I need to sing my notes out in a tune, eg. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star like 5 times each for a sentence.

Anything just to get them into my head, tight.

You see, I think I have short term memory and I seriously need to resort to absurd ways to study. Thats why I often don't like studying outside or with my friends cos they will surely laugh at me.

Then, afterwards, they get irritated cos they cannot study. T____T

Also, my attention tends to get diverted more when I'm outside and I end up talking a lot. Geez.

Wish I could take attention pills or something wtf.

Anyway, I checked my phone afterwards and saw a missed call and a message from Henry.

It said,

"Hey girl. Taking a nap? Call me asap. I wanna watch e show u said. I end at ard 1 tml"

So it was HIM who called lah.

But anyway, I wanna watch this show called The Happening. Go google it. It's very interesting I think, and it's another plot by M Night Shymalan, although I went on rottentomatoes and they didn't really have good critiques for it but I'm still gonna watch it nonetheless!

Nothing's gonna ruin my plan. -beams-

I love dark apocalyptic thrillers movies like this though I get scared and I end up covering my eyes 95% of the time.

My friends say it's a waste of $9.50, but I assure you it is not okay, I DO watch it between the slits from my fingers! -nods earnestly-

Quite scary leh, you don't wanna risk me suddenly screaming next to you right?

Anyway, the good thing about having a bf is that you can have anyone on stand by to go out with or do anything you want. Hehe.

Same goes for gf lah. DUH.

******

I think I should tell my Dad from now on, whenever I lock doors, doesn't mean I'm necessarily sleeping.

Shiroi Kobito

2008-06-12T21:13:00.006+08:00

I think.

I. Have. Officially. Gone.

A.

Little.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Mad.

I just agreed to pay $48 for 2 boxes of Shiroi Koibito biscuits from Hokkaido, Japan.

It's also called Bai Se Lian Ren.

I bought one box of white chocolate biscuits, and another box of white and black chocolate.

Call this an impulse buy or what, it must be it. *smiles weakly*

Anyway, I have heard many rave reviews about this famous brand from Hokkaido. Actually, production was initially suspended in mid-August when it was revealed the company had made a habit of mis-labeling expiry dates on the sweets.

But now its safe, not to worry, confectioner Ishiya has just resumed production again after stringent checks.

And I'm having it shipped to Singapore because there isn't any shop which sells it here.

Unless you can count Nippon-Ya in Central Mall where the things are horribly over-priced.

I bought these 2 boxes with shipping, which cost $14 cheaper than in Nippon-Ya.

Hope it will be nice ar. I bought two boxes because I can share one box with my family and the other box maybe give to someone else.

Don't fail me.

Of Guys And Their Beer Bellies.

2008-06-09T15:57:00.005+08:00

I don't understand why my neighbour has to go out half-naked all the day.

Fine, he's a guy. Accepted.

But seriously ah, I know the weather is damnn hot these days but if you don't have abs or whatever,

Please don't go out and expose your naked pecs to glory.

You're as skinny as a washboard. While that may look good on some girls, (ie. flat tummy and all) your ribcage can be seen. It's sticking out of your skin, and geez...

It's kinda an eyesore especially coupled with your beer belly.

I say this because many times, I have been eating my lunch in the dining room and admiring the potted plants and fish tank outside, and I suddenly see a 20-plus year old guy strolling past loudly with his sandals and the half-naked sight.

It's okay if you take off your shirt sometimes at home (dunno why every guy also tends to do that, maybe it's a guy thang) but please ah, other than in your home, the outside is available to the public and surely you don't want them to puke up their lunches after seeing your bouncy beer belly?

Taking off shirt at home is accepted.

But taking off shirt outside if you have a beer belly, coupled with protruding ribcage is NOT accepted.

You look like an emaciated child who has had nothing to drink but beer.

Definitely not a welcoming sight for an 18 year old girl just innocently trying to have her lunch in peace.

*goes off to throw up again*

2008-06-08T14:09:00.012+08:00

Listening: Tears by X-Japan

I have a generous neck ache today wtf.

Argh, it hurts whenever I crank my neck to 10 o'clock because last night in bed I was a little too active.

Lol.

KIDDING LAH.

It hurts, because last night in bed I was trying to do stretching exercises.

Not kidding.

Because lately, I have been eating a lot at night. Late dinner, supper, late supper... Whatever you call it. It's crazy because nobody should really eat at night before they sleep! Unless you yearn for a spare tire, or else. No.

So apparently I was trying to stretch my neck that part, you know, like rotating my head around in bed.

And suddenly, I heard this SNAP! sound.

And I was like, oh dear. What was that?!

And my neck hurt like hell@%$!@&*!!

It felt like somebody just took a big bamboo pole and struck it onto the back of my neck. I was so petrified and thought that maybe, one of my crucial vessels (jugular, is it?) in the neck broke or something and I was going to die... so soon.

Sniffs. I must be getting old and unflexible.

How come ah. I'm only 18, leh. Don't do this on me please.

So anyway, my neck sucks now.

Mr Neck, I hate you.

******

Which brings me to the topic, I can't go out today.

And it's Henry's book out day! Kinda wasted yea. Well, at least he's going to play soccer now with his army friends or something and I think it should be fun.

A fun guy thang.

He asked me if I wanted to go to SAFRA and watch them and I was like, for what? I'll probably look even more girly since I can't play and I will probably just be sitting at one side listening to my iPod and doing my math homework.

Which will also make me look kinda nerdy and dao.
Hahaha ok nmind.

Well, since he's doing his guy thang and I can do my own gal thang too.

1. Download the latest chick flick from Torrent, ie. Sex & The City or maybe an oldie but goodie, like The Devil Wears Prada. (I love that show, bet you could tell)

2. Go to Shop & Save and buy a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.

3. Curl up with a blanket with Tigger in front of my laptop and watch the show complete with ice cream. Dunk ice cream into Earl Grey Tea for maximum effect.

******

Thinking of soccer, it's quite sad cos I used to play when I was young with my neighbourhood boys and I used to like playing it a lot with them.

I was quite a tomboy when I was younger.

I would actually get so excited scoring a GOAL (wtf?! Imagine this now) and they would actually call me out to play with them everyday, because, you know, I was kinda one of the better ones.

-beams-

And I was NEVER the goalie, I was like, the STRIKER, okay...

I bet if I told Henry this now he would laugh because I am so girly like a gu niang now, don't ask me I dunno how I became this way either.

Then thinking about it, because I was sooo super tom-boy and could fit in with the guys best, one of the guys actually liked me. Which was kinda puke-inducing because I saw him as a "BRO"??

I remember I was at his house watching some dumb show called Cable Guy or something and there was this part when Cable Guy leaned forward to kiss Cable Girl and he actually TRIED TO DO THE SAME TO ME.

Yuck. Idiot.
That was damn sick.

I will never forget this show, especially that significant part.

Plus, he's like 1 year younger than me. Call me traditional or what, it's just that... I don't go for younger and immature guys.

Older guys - Yes
Same age - Maybe, if he shows his maturity.
Younger guys - No, siree!

Don't ask me why I came to this conclusion or that it makes no sense at all, maybe its because all my ex and boyfriend-now is older than me, and I'm used to it?

Or maybe its because all the younger guys I've met in my life so far are too immature and reckless to be more than a friend.

Okay I realise I'm just kinda going pointlessly about my life now, so I shall just get off and do my work.

Promise you a Tom Cruise entry will be up next!

What I do at home in my free time.

2008-06-04T23:28:00.018+08:00

I've been playing games these few months.

The websites that I've been going to offer you a free trial which lasts 1 HOUR.

After that, the game just stops halfway and strips you of all the titles and glory that you were indulging in.

But apparently, the system couldn't beat smart ol' me!

Everytime I finished using the miserable 1 hour's length from Website A, I would go to website B and download the same game! Just don't uninstall the game from Website A first. Re-install Game B and let it run over Game A and voila, it just continues!

Sooooo. I'm actually playing a damn addictive game now and it's called...

Laura Jones And The Gates Of The Good And Evil.

Lol, yeah I know the name is soooo wtf.

But, I assure you it is really fun to play!

No, I don't need your autograph, bugger.

For some reason, I hate stupid jocks.

Guys who think highly of themselves because they're in sports ccas and who flock around the bimbos in school.

Typical traits of a jock:

1. They walk with a swagger and talk like a nigga.

2. They enjoy being seen with and talking to the hottest girls. TO UPPP THEIR "I'M-MR-BIG" REPUTATION MAH. -coughs, chokes and pukes-

3. They like wearing tight shirts to show off their muscular build.

4. They enjoy making a fool of themselves in class and in front of the teacher, trying to be smart alecks.

Well, I dislike guys with brawn and no brain.

But dumb jocks make the game more fun and interactive. Look, even his outfit looks humongously exaggerated and oversized.

Really fun! I love games which involve cute little animals. Yes, more of that please!

It's so fun to bathe the pet, brush it's hair and feed it food!

Feed the cat some fish and it will give you clues!

In this stage, you have to use your mouse to catch fish and fling it towards the cat for it to eat them. She will then give you clues to help you along your journey.

So cute!

I told Henry I was playing these kinda games and can you believe it, he laughed?

He laughed!

And he claims it's some game for small girls!

Wth. Go ahead and play your I'm-super-macho gun-slinging WWII games then.

Yeah... Holy grail, baby!

The 18th and last friggin' stage I worked my ass off to get into. Yes, I did my homework first, by the way.

It feels really good to play finish a game and reach the last stage, you feel like "Yaye, I finally completed it! Let's see what's in the end!"

But sometimes, games like to fool you because in the end it's like rubbish can. You receive a banner saying, "Congratulations! You're reached the end of your journey for the holy grail/mystical cup of honour/magical shit." and you're like:

POOH-EY.

So, this is all I get?

But whaddaya expect from a game then? It's meant to pass time, anyway.

This game is really interesting! Do download if you're really bored at home. You can download it from Big Fish Games or any other game website, just google the game.

Another game I've been playing lately is:

Cooking Academy.

This game is close to being an exact replica of Cooking Mama on Nintendo DS.

Cooking Mama on your DS.

Mama can cook!

Except this time, instead of the stylus, you use your mouse!

Baking tuna puffs in Cooking Academy.

This game is really interactive in the way that, every movement or action you make with your mouse will be recorded as the action you do on screen. Something like a touch-pad.

There are tons of recipes to choose from - be spoiled for choice from appetizers, main courses and desserts.

Recipe: Grilled Teriyaki Chicken

One interesting point is that, unlike most cooking games, you get to decide how your food turns out. There are certain recipes in which you will have to arrange the food on your plate, and a snapshot of it will be taken.

Getting your food judged.

However, albeit being interesting at first, it tends to get boring and a little tiring after a while as you're basically just doing the same few movements with the same few recipes. Your wrists even start to hurt, and you find yourself hurrying through the recipes just to reach the last stage.

Akin to how you get bored with Cooking Mama after playing it on the DS for a while.

The idea seems fresh at first, but you just don't want to be doing the same movements throughout a whole game right?

I would recommend this game for those who wanted to get Cooking Mama but couldn't.

You will get your fill playing this game!

******

Alright, enough of me recommending some games. Now it's your turn to download it if you wanna!

I'm gonna get my butt down to working again.

Until next time.

Curls.

2008-05-31T15:39:00.003+08:00

I quite like having curls in my hair. Used to think they would look a little aunty-ish on me, but now that I'm having loose and big curls, it actually begins to feel nice.

I feel sweet and young.
Haha.

Wth, I am young.

:)

Can't say much about the sweetness part though.

I think I can look sweet if I want too.

But personality wise,
.
.
.
.
.
.
I doubt.

I'm more of a fiery and passionate individual who can't wait to voice out her opinions!

Anyway, I think I shall maybe go and perm my hair soon and ask for big bouncy waves. It's nice to hold them and to twirl them around your finger when you're bored.

And it's good especially because you can tie your hair half way up and look like a pretty 20-something year old tai tai or let it all down and add some volume with mousse to look hot and sexy.

I like.

I'm getting kinda tired of rebonded, long black hair, it's just so shu nu and boring.
Yawn.

I'm someone who constantly seeks changes and new things.

Can say I get tired of things easily.
Except maybe my family and close friends. I like being around them and enjoy their company.

Okay, I have decided that I will curl my hair by the end of this year.

You heard me! I set a deadline myself.

That means anywhere in between.

******

Oo-kay. This is such a wth random post.
I am really bored and I am waiting to go out with Henry.

Thus, I think I'd better go get ready now on my going out ritual.

I shall end this post abruptly then, to add to the random-ness.

Bye.

It's gone.

2008-05-30T01:56:00.001+08:00

It's gone... It's just gone.

I wish, I hope, I pray.

2008-05-29T15:39:00.002+08:00

Do not let anything bad happen...

Do not let anything terrible or unwanted happen.

I promise I will be a good girl from now on, and forever always.

YOU SUCK.

2008-05-29T03:05:00.005+08:00

DARN PISSED!

I. COULD. KILL. 1000. PEOPLE. NOW.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why Guys Don't Write Advice Columns.

2008-05-22T23:52:00.003+08:00

Dear Abie,

The other day I set off for work. I hadn't gone more than two kilometres when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home, only to find my husband making love to our neighbour. He was let go from his job 6 months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do?

- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

A car stalling can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Check that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. Or it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

* * * * * *

Returning home early from a business trip, a man finds his wife in the bedroom. She isn't wearing a stitch of clothing.

Surprised, he says, "It's in the middle of the afternoon. Why aren't you dressed?"

"I have nothing to wear," his wife answers.

"Nonsense," he says, throwing open her closet, "You have a red dress, a green dress... hi, Larry... a purple dress."

Grace's Choir Concert

2008-05-18T13:18:00.010+08:00

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I went to Grace's choir concert at Esplanade on friday.

Then again, I frequently don't mention the events that I attend in my blog, except rant about stuff when I'm feeling moody lately.

Haha. Okay, enough of all the crap!

Apologies for the really small photo and bad quality.

Apparently, Grace is part of the very prestigious and in Nigel's words, "daaaaaamn hard to get into" the Philharmonic Chamber Choir of Singapore. And the thing is, nobody actually knew about that until she told us to come for her concert!

Well, what can I say.

It's actually the first time that I went to a choir concert (have always been going for band ones) and with all the bout of concerts that I've been attending lately, it suddenly serves to remind me that I lack music in my life and I seem to miss it after I've quit band.

Especially the band concert that I went to 2 weeks ago, now I suddenly know how it feels like to sit there and be part of the audience, just watching.

However, I'm not like majority of the audience who go there and listen for 2.5 hours, some sleeping, some fiddling with the keychain on their bag, some checking their phone periodically.

I actually knew and experienced what it was like to be performing in front of a 500-strong audience on stage, and the story before that.

It isn't as easy as it seems.

Behind the beautiful and glamourous facade of music playing is actually months of hard work, lashings and sometimes even tears and the feeling of inferiority.

However, what is shown on stage is only the end-product and that, sadly is the price that audiences pay to go and watch, however they do not know or take into account the hard work that performers put in before that

Which is actually, worth much more than the performance itself.

Thats why, no performer can actually be labelled a loser.

Whether you practice and train really hard for 12 months for a competition, and even if you don't win it by name, you're a winner in itself considering the hard work and effort that you put in.

Anyhoo, dunno if you get me or not. But yeah.

Anyway, I enjoy going for concerts at the Esplanade. It just gives me a grand feeling and makes me feel on top of the world as I sit on the plush chair and gaze up at the ceiling above, music surrounding my ears.

It's ceiling is made up of a intricate network of beams and wires, all for performing and sound purposes. I think it looks really magnificent. I love concert halls which are dark and mysterious with an old-era feel.

I like to believe I'm in Elizabethan times. Haha.

The choir singers were really good, and Lim Yau's conducting as expected, was excellent.

Grace looked really pretty in her tight and sexy corset top plus gown.

Kinda makes me wish I was in choir last time.

How come band concert attire not sexy one ah?

My concert attire for band always consisted of a simple executive kinda shirt and long, drab pants with COURT SHOES.

Great shoes... For when I'm in the coffin!

Yes, I'm not kidding. You know, court shoes, aka old granny shoes?

They're not even called court heels, or goodness's sake because there is NO heel. What exists, however is a big square block at the bottom which is as ugly, as a rotten tofu block.

I think band concerts would be much more appealing if,

1) The girls could wear more feminine and un-structured costumes. Like, a long black dress for example? No worries for indecent exposure.

Ignore photo of un-appealing girl. Dress is just for illustrative purposes.

2) Sharper looking 2-inch stilettos. Why not, since we sit down most of the time? We do not have to run or prance around on stage.

2 inches is the minimum requirement for walking and standing for long hours.

3) Beautiful hairstyles instead of the usual no-fuss boring pony-tail.

Way to go.

I also think that more band concerts could do with a bit more acting/dancing element in it. It's the acting that actually attracts the people who are not so concerned about music, but basically going there to support their family or friends. And that's most of the people.

Even if there's no acting/dancing, at least a slide show for each song. It would definitely make the concert a more enjoyable and interesting experience for non-music listeners.

It sucks to say this, but think about it: It's always so much easier to get a band concert ticket last minute than a dance or drama concert ticket, eh?

******

Oh wells. I spent more than 1 hour typing this entry! Time to get back to my work.

Will write about more interesting stuff next time.

Another emo entry again. Sorry.

2008-05-17T19:27:00.005+08:00

Anyway, I found out that I have the nasty habit of PROCRASTINATING.

Whadda ya mean I found out?

Yeah, actually I knew it long ago eh. Or rather, I have the nasty habit of procrastinating anything that is not important to me.

For example, I always have great ideas about what to write it my blog. That great idea would probably have stemmed from a tiny every-day observation in life, and as I ponder about it more, I feel like, "Hey, maybe that would make a great blog entry!"

And then I feel so excited to write about that certain blog entry and I actually get down to it straightaway.

Anyway, the outcome is:

a) It's either I write it till late in the night when I get damn tired

or

b)I'm suddenly interupted by a phone call of sorts, and I totally forget about that entry!

When I do get back to it, I don't feel like writing it anymore.

:(

And so I will procrastinate and drag on... Blah blah blah until my 'Edit Posts' page is filled with many half-written entries, un-published.

Sometimes it's because these entries actually contain my raw, personal feelings and I don't really wish to reveal them to the whole world.

Or maybe it's because I write a terrible bitchy entry about someone when I'm pissed, and after I cool down and read it again, I do sound very much like a bitch.

*shrugs*

So all these are no-gos on my blog.

Now you know why my updates always seem to take forever?

*******

Anyway, as the title suggests, this is gonna be an emo entry.

Supposedly.

To you:

I don't know if you're reading this, and I have something to say.

I do not know if you are worth this.

Or am I just wasting my time? Precious youth spent.

Perhaps I'm someone who can't avoid this. I don't even know if I want you. Do I have a need for you?

After these few weeks of absence,
I'm starting to doubt what I think and how I feel.

Maybe it's because I didn't even feel this way in the first place. I was made to feel this way, by myself and by unnecessary circumstances.

It's funny how I can actually train my mind to think one way, unwittingly.

Then why am I still walking on a unknown path with a dead end? What am I even in search for?

After all, I do know that my pot of gold only lies behind a rainbow.

I need to find that rainbow.

Perhaps, I may reach it eventually or I may not even see it in my entire life.

Perhaps, I'm someone who can put up with many things. Or perhaps, I'm someone who is easily satisfied with the simplest things in life.

Perhaps, I'm actually someone who has really high expectations.

You know, the things you give me aren't really what I want. I don't need all that, I need what stems from the basic.

Perhaps the things I give you aren't really what you want.

Is it?

I seriously don't know.
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And I don't even wish to know.

You get what I mean?

Maybe, these 3 weeks is a sign or a revealing answer, that was actually hiding in the 'Fragile - Do Not Ponder' access in my mind all the time along.

Except I chose to see the better side of things. I should stop seeing through rose-tinted lenses. It probably isn't as glorious as I choose to see it.

You're a rational person. I believe you already saw this a long time ago.

And, you're a sincere and humble person.
I believe you will make someone very happy with what you can give.

Although it makes me happy sometimes, I'm not looking for and do not need what you can give.

I actually want, and need something else.

Perhaps my happiness was only built on the fact that what I need can stem from what you give me right now.

Except, it's not even showing. For ages.

Instead, I feel tied down and restricted to doing the things which you only want to see. I can't do anything that makes me happy, because these aren't the things you want to see.

I need to be free, and and to be myself.

I'm not an inflatable plastic doll, neither a Stepford wife.

I don't like going out with someone where it's so compressed, I would love to be able to express my energy, true feelings and emotions when I'm with someone. I love to be able to make someone laugh and to laugh with someone.
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I need answers.

2008-05-09T22:47:00.004+08:00

I know you wish you could be me,

But
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Sometimes, I wish I could just be like you.

You mentioned that although you couldn't really get along with me at first as we had total contrasting personalities, you soon grew to understand my virtues and understand the person that I fully am.

I thank you for that.

Actually, to tell you the truth... Although I feel that we have two complete different personalities, I've always, always, always -

Admired your character from the first day I knew you.

You say I have the ability to let things go easily, to be cheerful and optimistic, to offer truthful, proper advice to people and yet take myself for who I really am.

But seriously.

One day, I wish I could just be more REALISTIC.

I so wanna be like you.

Can't you tell?

Even as we were friends a few years earlier, and when you shared with me your problems, and the answers I tried to give you whilst I listened and to be a good friend - Actually, I was more of listening how YOU would tackle them.

I wish I could tell myself - "No, this isn't right. Stop being so flexible/idealistic. You can't do this, it isn't good in the long term."

I wish I could tell myself to stop being so idealistic.

Stop being so romantic. Stop viewing the world in rose-tinted lenses, everything isn't actually what I picture it to be.

Sometimes, I would pause and laugh at those who are cynical, those who are constantly sarcastic about things.

I can't stand living in negativity.

But yet, they are the realistic people and somehow they always seem to do better in life.

I just couldn't understand how they could stand being so negative.

And they probably couldn't understand why I was always so unlike them. So positive, so "simplistic", so "naive".

I hate being called naive.

I know I ain't. I do know the evil lurkings of our society, I do know how to tell when something isn't right or someone is wrong.

It's just that, I choose to believe that everybody actually has a good side to them.

Tell me, am I wrong?

I bet you would always have a 1000 reasons to counter my thinking. But then again, I can't say they're wrong.

It's just that we're 2 different human beings who operate on 2 different systems.

Sometimes, I wish I could be more upright. And tell myself, force myself to choose what is right. Instead of sticking with whats wrong and just accepting things as the way it is.

I have so many things I want to do in the future.

I have so much time to meet new people.

I have so many things to communicate, and to share with others.

I just need to stop, right here.

******

Yes, I really do look up to you, in some ways.

Although, sometimes I can't really understand your cynical thinking. The world really isn't as bad as you make it out to be.

However, today I look back on what you wrote on your blog entry and I realise that I should learn to deal with things the way you are dealing with them right now.

Systematically, rightfully and selfishly. Even though the truth may hurt.

Just learn how to deal with it.

I want to.

2008-05-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

I'm suffering from heart burn.

Argh.

Why do I feel this way?

Beetles!

2008-04-28T18:53:00.007+08:00

I'm having minor cramps now. Not as major as last night, but just a little tingly nauseous feeling in my tummy. Feels like it's been brewing there for hours.

Anyway, today I played netball during PE and it was really fun but got me all hot and sweaty.

And you know what happens after sweat dries up.

You become sticky.
Yes, sticky.

I hate that feeling. Feels like you can just adhere yourself to anything.

When I sit down on plastic chairs, my thighs feel warm and uncomfortable. My skin literally sticks to the chair.

Combine that with on-off menstrual cramps, hunger and sleepiness (slept at 3am last night) and you get an instant spell for PMS.

So naturally, when I got home, the first thing I did was to HEAD FOR THE SHOWER.

Mmmm. Warm water trickling down from the shower head.

I was innocently lathering shampoo and massaging it into my hair when suddenly, I felt my foot being tickled. As my eyesight was semi-blurred without my glasses, I looked down and squinted.

It looked vaguely like a small, black hairy mess.

Must be a bunch of loose hair which fell onto the floor when I was shampooing.

I looked away and continued shampooing. I felt the little object tickling my foot again.

It was banging into my foot against the water current. Seemed like it was trying to get on top of it.

"Wth?" I thought. I reached for my glasses which was perched precariously on the edge of the shelf.

When I put on my glasses, I realized what was in front of me.

I froze in shock.

No, it wasn't a ball of hair.

It was...
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A freaking ugly black beetle with a HORN on its head.

I am very certain, that I saw a horn on its head. It looked exactly like this species. (whatever, didn't think beetles had that many species)

It was large, hard and shiny as though it had slime all over its back.

And apparently it had tried to climb over my foot.
My poor foot.

And goodness knows what else it would have done if I had let it continue its journey.

Crawl up my body?

Geez.

And onto my face?
Horrors.

I just stared at the beetle. It was banging against my foot because of the water current.

First instinct: Stomp on it, hard.

Nuh-uh, look at it's large horn. I don't want my foot to have a hole.

So, I took the shower spray and turned on the highest temperature, full speed. I aimed it away at the beetle so that it could crawl freely away from my foot in the meantime.

Meanwhile, I waited for the water to slowly get hot.

Soon, it was scalding hot.

I kept my eye on the poor bugger (it was now crawling towards the side of the shower area, near the wall) and aimed FULL BLAST at it.

Pppppssssshhhhh!

The beetle just flew its way towards the drain, half swimming and struggling in agony.

And I didn't know since when I had gotten kinda sadistic, but I actually smiled and felt a sense of satisfaction seeing the little bugger struggle for its life.

Then I took toilet paper and kiap-ed the poor victim tightly.

I headed to the toilet bowl and promptly dropped it in.

With a flush, it was gone.

Dead.

I hate beetles.

Oh, erm.

2008-04-27T12:48:00.009+08:00

I was feeling bored today and just decided to read an ex's blog.

What can I say?

I feel a little... shocked.

Shocked at what he is going through now. I mean, is this the person I used to know?

He has since morphed into an jaded, destructive, sadistic and vengeful creature who does not know how to love.

He does not even seem to know how to love himself.

He goes around hurting innocent people's hearts and going on rebound relationship after relationship.

To think I once thought that he was the most un-selfish person in this world who had a large capacity to love.

Perhaps, I never really understood him.

Of course I was upset with him after our break-up and I did not talk to him for a long while after that, but all the time I would have thought his life was going to be better.

After all, mine slowly became better as time passed. As they say, time heals all wounds.

However, I totally refused to open up to people about our break up, and even if I wanted to talk about it, I would try not to reveal too much and have a neutral point of view.

In short, I just did not want to have anything to do with him anymore.

I thought this would make me forget about all the painful experience entirely, and it sure did.

Now, when I read his blog and his life now, and I look at the person he has evolved into - I just look back at the days we spent together and I feel like it was actually time lost.

Precious time in my youthhood, when I could have just done SO MUCH better and spread my wings to fly.

Sometimes, I even wonder, "Why was I with him in the first place, like seriously?"

I even tried to understand him and to change his negative character.

But in the end my wits just tired out. It was a wild roller-coaster ride, yes.

It made me learn that you can never change someone, but only yourself.

His life seems like a mess right now.

He seems like a mess.

His blog tells his story. He gets depressive, then indulges in alcohol, clubbing, womanising and even goes to the extent of cursing his own Mom.

And somehow all these sadistic pleasures gets him into a delirious state of high.

Now, I don't really know the situation between you and your Mom right now, so I am in no position to comment - but I believe as basic humans the very least we could do is to have self-respect for our own parents.

I am kinda shocked that his life has changed totally and it makes me feel a little sad for him, even for the poor people he hurt whom I do not know.

That's because I've been through the same experience before.

It hurt me like crap emotionally, but it made me understand how to deal with people better and how to deal with a relationship.

And we all know, the worst kind of pain to deal with isn't physical, but psychological and emotional.

Although I can't exactly say that I'm doing WONDERFULLY right now, but I still think I'm better off than him.

I am actually glad for the experience of letting me meet him and to understand him, and then to be broken.

Because I did learn something in the end.

I am doing much better now, after all.

And I guess I could show him that I can do even better, by improving my life.

On a sidenote, I do feel sorry for him and his life right now, but to think about it.

Karma bites you back in the butt when you least expect it.

Get a life.

Phone Candy

2008-04-23T16:21:00.001+08:00

I want this phone.

One of the things I dislike when I go shopping...

2008-04-08T00:57:00.005+08:00

It's a beautiful sunny day, and you're browsing in a tastefully decorated shop with nice ambience and soft music playing in the background.

You reach out for an emerald green chiffon top on the hanger, to look at it.

Before you know it.

You hear deep breathing down your neck.

"Wha--" You wonder out loud. "Whose that?"

"Do you need help, Miss?" A cold and trying-very-hard-to-sound-polite voice asks.

"Nope, it's okay. I can browse around myself." You answer equally politely, and walk away from the rack, leaving the chiffon top behind.

Hmmm, where should I go next? You think.

You decide to head towards the accessories section, in a bid to shake her off.

However just when you thought she was gone, you soon hear the careful threading of footsteps behind you, and it is synchronised towards every step that you take.

It is as if she is trying to predict where you are going to next.

Argh, such a turn-off. You think to yourself. I wish I could be left alone.

"Miss, would you like to try on this top?" she asks, and holds up a dark brown, dangy three quarter sleeved top which is completely not to your liking.

"It's okay," you smile politely.

"How about this?" she asks again, and pushes a pair of black high-waisted shorts towards you. "Try it!" Her PR eyes light up in a very glassy and non-commital manner.

You look at the shorts. You would rather be killed than to step out of your house in it.

"Nope, it's okay." You say again, wishing very much that you could just leave this instant.

******

I dislike it when sales people are clingy, following you around the shop wherever you go.

Half of the time, it's not like they could give proper opinions, because everyone has different opinions and tastes.

Do they even know me in the first place? Do they know the type of clothes I like to wear?
Do they know my taste?

If not, kindly leave me alone, thank you.

Some people just like to be left alone when shopping, like me.

I love shopping alone.

Of course I do enjoy browsing and window-shopping with my friends, but when it comes to the real deal, I prefer to go by myself.

That's because I know that I'll take a long time to choose the item that I like, having to weigh the pros and cons, and I don't like having to make somebody wait for me.

Unless it's my Mom, but that's because it means she can pay for me.
Haha.

It kills the mood for me entirely when I enter a lovely shop and I am being watched the whole time.

The moment I enter a shop, a salesgirl eyes me from a distance like I'm some precious kill and immediately walks over, hovering around me the entire time when I am in the shop.

I don't know about you, but it sure feels unsettling for me.

I suppose when you go shopping, surely you do not like to be followed and kept a close watch on, especially when you are trying to make a decision?

It kills my mood entirely.

Stop following me around, so that I could have a clearer mind to look at your wonderfully displayed items which you took a long time to painstakingly lay out, and decide which one I want to purchase.

Think about it this way, dear.

I might do you a favour, if you don't hover around to annoy me with your silly sales talk.

I don't need recommendations.

I know what I want and what suits me.

It's just really annoying and uncomfortable to be watched. What are you, a human-alarm-bell system?

Do you REALLY, honestly think that I would grab a dress off one of your racks and run off with it...?

Argh.

Only the true professionals know how to deal with their customers.

1. Greet them from afar when they walk into the shop.

2. Do not follow them around the entire time.

3. Only answer when your opinion is being asked for.

4. And, smile positively if you are being complimented.
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I am exasperated with how some people think, really.

Some sense-less salespeople ought to be banished.

2 days ago.

2008-04-04T00:16:00.008+08:00

2 days ago - I made a very important decision, which I have been thinking over for the past 6 months.

This is very personal and I don't wish to go into details here, but I am very sure that my close friends and those whom I know in person understand what actually happened.

I believe that I have made the right decision, and I will not regret it.

I am very happy and relieved that I chose to clear things up finally, because I have postponed this decision for long due to a certain fear and uncertainty in me to acknowledge the real situation.

Hopefully, this will mark a significant chapter in my life and I am looking forward to this fresh new start.

I also thank you for understanding me, and sincerely, it wasn't what I would have expected from you at this point in time.

So - Thank You, and I really appreciate it.

Oh Olivia.

2008-03-24T01:08:00.014+08:00

Lately, I have been listening to Olivia Ong.

I discovered her when I was shopping one day, and her songs were playing in the background. "What a lovely voice," I thought.

I liked her voice so much that I actually went up to the shop keeper and requested, "Excuse me, may I know the album that you're playing?"

Most people would not do this.

But after all, there was no harm in asking because if I didn't ask, I would never know. Last time, whenever I was in a shop with nice music playing, I never bothered to ask at all.

I shall make it a point to ask from now on so that I can download all these lovely songs for free and put them on my iPod! Haha.

Anyway, back to Olivia. I was quite surprised to hear her name, "Olivia Ong", because it meant that she was local. And the voice playing certainly did not sound local.

What do I mean?

Singaporean singers often have this Singaporean-ish tone in their voice no matter how much they try to sound different.

"Ong? Is she Singaporean?" I asked.
"I think so," the shop keeper replied. "I think she's mixed."

So anyway, I went home and did a search on her and found out that she was indeed Singaporean.

Olivia Ong is a 21 year old Singaporean with big dreams. Most people in Singapore may not have heard of her because it wouldn't occur to them that the beautiful voice behind those songs belong to a young Singaporean girl.

After her O levels in Singapore, she moved to Japan to further her studies and career as a solo artist.

In 2005, her debut CD, A Girl Meets BossaNova, was released in Japan. It featured eight bossa nova classics and pop songs done in a breezy mellow style.

I like listening to Bossa Nova.

Here's a song called L.O.V.E, from the album:

And another song, Sometimes When We Touch:

It's from the album, "Fall In Love With Olivia".

I like her soothing vocals.

And despite the fact that I almost ALWAYS download songs for free, I've decided to go out and get her albums soon.

That's because I can't find most of her songs online. Haha.

******

Anyway, I feel kinda embarassed to say this but I'm actually a little addicted to Blogthings these days. Am I too old?

I just did another girly quiz! Haha.

You are Slinky Heels!

You're an uptown, well put together woman

But you're not too uptight to enjoy a hot club

You're always the best dressed chick in the room

And you'll only settle for the best in men

What Kind Of Women's Shoe Are You?

You Are 40% Open Minded

You aren't exactly open minded, but you have been known to occasionally change your mind.

You're tolerant enough to get along with others who are very different...

But you may be quietly judgmental of things or people you think are wrong.

You take your own values pretty seriously, and it would take a lot to change them.

How Open Minded Are You?

I find this quite true. I'm never openly judgemental, unless to a close friend.

Also, I do take my values very seriously. It would take a lot for somebody to change my mind on my perspectives.

In a way, I'm very traditional when it comes to certain things such as I don't support pre-marital sex.

Although nowadays, most people have sex before they get married or even at a young age. Some engage in casual sex with multiple partners or an FB ("fling buddy"). These are the ones who don't really place importance on keeping their virginity, as once you've lost it, it's gone.

However, I do because I care about my future husband's feelings and wish to respect him.

I may also be open-minded when it comes to other issues, for example, I am comfortable with gay/lesbian relationships and I do believe that there is a little bi-sexuality in everyone.

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.

You primary concern is to make your lover happy.

You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your ideal first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your ideal lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your EQ is 127

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.

Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.

You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Yes, the last bit is kinda true.

I'm kinda optimistic, never staying unhappy for long no matter how bad the situation is.

I wonder if that's counted as a blessing?

Dy's Birthday.

2008-03-22T03:43:00.019+08:00

To friends who expressed concern for me: Thank you, and I feel much better now.

Anyway, today was my Bro's birthday!

He's turning 14 this year.

Went with Henry to get a present for him. It was good of him to accompany me, though it was only to spend 2 hours with me. Really appreciate his help in giving honest advice and opinions on choosing clothes for guys!

And we went to various shops in Far East. Though it was only a few shops we stepped into, Far East is build like a maze and there are many different kinds of shops anywhere. Geez.

Shopping there is like shopping in a HUGE indoor night market.

You never know what to expect. In a way, when you're casually browsing it's kinda fun, but when you NEED to get something, it just gives you a headache.

For example, a Mens' fashion store could be next to a fruits store which is next to a hair salon. Like wth.

I wish they would classify things into different sections/floors, like Ladies' Fashion, Men's Fashion etc.

After going to 3 shops, I had a slight headache already and I think Henry was actually tired. Haha.

Anyway, he modelled shirts for me and I just gauged them based on my Bro's size.

My bro is turning fat! Haha. -touches wood-

I might get fat in future if I laugh at him.

Anyway, being the kind Da Jie that I am, I actually persevered on despite my headache to choose the best tshirt for him!

He likes Led Zeppelin, ACDC, Dreamtheatre etc.

So I went to a shop selling rock band shirts and I got him an awesome Led Zeppelin one!

Applaud me for being such a cool sister.
Hey, at least I didn't buy him something like a notebook or a pencil-holder okay.

Isn't it nice? Henry chose this!

I vowed to get him the best shirt ever.

Actually, I wanted to buy him a pair of Havaianas too but decided that I might go broke if I did.

So I just went to buy shabu shabu meat and go home for steamboat.

And Henry was so sweet to accompany me for all! Thank you.

Sidetrack: I now discover the joys of an iPod video. Henry's new iPod classic is like, so beautiful! Makes me feel like getting one too.

He let me watch Love Bites on his iPod today and it's just so funny and actually made me laugh even though the screen is like 1/20 the size of my TV screen.

And my TV screen is quite small!

This just proves that you can watch good videos on an iPod too.
Sorry, but I was kinda biased against small screens since I have a small enough TV screen.

I mean, imagine the boring train rides where I have nothing to look at except gaze at the reflection of my clothes and accessories.

IT WILL ALL JUST DISAPPEAR!

-smiles gleefully-

And I'll soon be in joy watching clips on the train/bus even though I may look like an idiot laughing at the funny bits!

I don't mind lah.

Can't believe my iPod is actually like a necessity to me now, I must constantly have music on my train rides otherwise I'll feel so odd.

How can I be so reliant on a pure ELECTRONIC GADGET?

Ahhh all this talk just makes me feel like getting a Classic.

Hmmm.

* * * * * *

And this is the cake my Mom bought for him.

Lighted up.

I love chocolate cakes!

Dark chocolate, white chocolate, anything chocolate! Mmmmm.

I think I actually influenced my ex to like chocolate, due to me keep saying that I want to buy chocolate! And he actually bought me a bar of Marks and Spencer white chocolate the other time. While watching me eating it, he was curious and said he wanted to try.

And I said, "Here, have some! It's really good."
He tasted it slowly and carefully. "Okay what. That nice meh?" he said.
I exclaimed very matter-of-factly, "YES. Of course!"

From that day on, he just gradually grew to like white chocolate!
Though he used to hate all kinds of chocs. He even suggested going for a chocolate buffet.

I love it when I influence people with good stuff.

And, I like strawberries too! They look so juicy, fresh and edible even right now.

Give me anything with strawberries and I'll eat it up in front of you, lick my fingers and GRIN at you for not eating it!

Haha.

Okay, thats it. A short entry but I just wanted to conclude this day.

PS: Go watch Lovebites! (Search Youtube) It's just so real and funny! I mean relationships aren't actually perfect, and stuff like these happen in real life too. The way they portray stuff is so adorable.

2008-03-18T20:54:00.003+08:00

Today was the worst day I have experienced in a few months.

Everything is just going...
Wrong.

Sucks to say this,

But
I feel like such a shit-ass loser.

2008-03-18T01:17:00.002+08:00

It's 1am and I'm still doing my Econs project now. I'm supposed to draw a 'spa' scene.

Sigh.
I always hate doing projects!

I only love the interaction part, like going to your classmates' homes to discuss about stuff and planning, although we usually do other things than that.

Somehow I just like going to a friend's house.
Do not ask me why.

Since I was young, I always loved going to people's homes and looking around. I know I may sound damn nosy here, but its true! And its so interesting going to your friend's house to look at her belongings and memories, then you think, "Oh... So this is the kind of person she is!"

Not that I really infer a person's personality from his room, but.

You can really tell a lot from a person by their room!

For example, Henry's room is always damn messy.

There are just many things lying everywhere.
His bed forever looks like someone just slept on it, he throws his jeans on the bed or just hangs them on hooks, and his table is always cluttered with random stuff.

I don't know if most guys rooms are like that, but I guess maybe. Like my brother's room is forever dark and has a weird smell.

On the other hand, my room is ALWAYS neat.

I'm a perfectionist in some ways. I can't really stand a single thing not in order, it just messes up with my mood and day. Haha.

My room is always brightly-lit, with matching curtains drawn back, table with a minimum of 4 items on it and bed well made with no clothes on it. (unless I'm going out)

I have two dustbins in my room, one for paper and the other is a smaller bin to throw away the used cotton pads which I put my toner on.

And I have a weakness for white and dusty pink bedsheets.

Random clean facts about me:

1. I love vacuuming, and I hate sweeping. Pass me a vacuum cleaner anytime, and I will make a trip around your house for free!

2. I like the just-bathed soapy scent which lingers on someone after a shower.

3. I dislike potpourri. It has absolutely no use, because the smell goes away after sometime and it attracts dust mites which attack my sensitive nose.

4. I prefer a bath than a shower. I just like to sit down in a tub and bathe. I think I'm lazy.

5. I do a major spring-clean of my room (sort out the junk and trash) 4 times a year.

******

Okay, thats it! It's really late now and I still have to rush through the dreaded pictures.

Oh wells.

Sometimes I just want to be small again

2008-03-16T20:07:00.005+08:00

Oh, how I wish the days were peaceful when we were like little girls again.

Sometimes, girls are all you need in your life.

Little school work + colouring assignments

Rushing out for recess after the bell rings

Playing Tag with your friends in the courtyard

Scoring 90 + marks for your exams

Coming home to watch Little Bear on TV

Dancing along to Hi-5

Calling your bestfriend and chatting for 3 hours on the phone about NOTHING

Having the right to watch Teletubbies although they are gay/incarnate of the devil/whatever

No relationships = No guy issues.
.
.
.
.
.
Men are truly from Mars.

I mean, seriously.

When you really have to do some charity.

2008-03-16T16:44:00.004+08:00

Have you ever encountered these kinda situations before?

Last week, I was running late to meet a friend and wanted to buy tissue.

I ran from my home to Toa Payoh Central and saw a woman sitting at a small table which was laden with newspapers and magazines. I also noticed a small basket containing packets of tissue displayed in front of the newspapers.

Phew, I thought. Finally 1 tissue seller right in front of me!

So I reached for my purse and walked towards the newspaper stand. I fumbled around my coin compartment, desperately trying to find a 2o cent coin quickly.

The woman looked at me in such a grateful way like I was her first customer that day.

She got ready to pick up a newspaper to pass to me.

"1 tissue please," I said instead.
"Oh..." she laughed, and handed me the tissue packet instead.

She actually thought I was going to buy a newspaper or magazine.
Instead of earning 80 cents, she only earned 20 cents.

Counting off the cost price, of course she wouldn't earn much.

I felt kinda bad and wanted to buy a newspaper as well but of course I did not, because it would be inconvenient to carry the newspaper to meet my friend.

"Thank you," I said and paid her.

Then I walked away as I was in a hurry.

Just as I walked off, a frail voice cried out to me.

"Girl, buy tissue from me please?" An older Indian woman asked meekly. I looked at her.

She was kneeling down on the cold concrete floor with nothing in front of her but a few measly packets of tissue paper. There was no chair for her to sit on. She wasn't even kneeling down on a mat.

Then, I looked closer. I noticed that BOTH of her legs had been amputated.

'Oh shit,' I thought.

You know this feeling you get? You could have helped someone in greater need but you chose to buy from someone else.

Just when I finished buying the tissue packet from the newspaper stand, I came across this very disabled old woman who looked so miserable and lonely.

You feel damn bad, when you walk past the disabled woman who obviously needs more help than the newspaper vendor.

And obviously, you can't just walk past her holding a tissue packet in your hand which you JUST bought from the newspaper vendor behind her.

LIKE, WTH.

So, I did something.

I went up to the disabled woman and bought another packet from her.

"Kam siah," she said and thanked me profusely.
"Bu yong jing, bu yong," was all I could say.

I felt so bad. Buy 1 packet of tissue and still have to thank me so much.

It's the least I could do, you know.

So in the end, I walked away with 2 packets of tissue which actually I don't need cos I don't use tissue that often.

Geez. Maybe it'll start off a tissue habit of mine.

So I don't need to ask for tissues from my friends anymore.
Haha.

Glasses.

2008-03-16T16:19:00.002+08:00

Sometimes,

You read me wrongly.
You flip me over like the pages of a book, you are lost and entranced in.

You don't understand yet you still read.
The only purpose is to
force yourself to understand,

You flip and flip for eternity, trying to get to the point.

The perfect words you want to see.
The perfect illustration

But you just never find the point
.
.
.
Because it isn't there in the first place.

Oh, don't we live in a rose-tinted world?

Of guys and MSN.

2008-03-15T23:33:00.010+08:00

Can't stand this guy who keeps asking me out via MSN and SMS, even though I am dead sick and just lost my voice.

Damn friggin annoying and irritating.

I even put on my msn nickname: "sick :( - I lost my voice!" and the first thing when I come online, he asks:

"Hey! Wanna go out tomorrow?"

Like, WTH.

I am sick.

And he did not even ask me, "How are you?" first.

I can't tolerate people like him who don't give a damn about somebody when she's sick, and just wanna ask her out for company.

Which I suppose, he badly needs and is in lack of.

Geez.

He seems like the sort who has no friends, save for a few who disappear on rainy days - and spend most of his free time online asking girls out.

1 word: No

The "Hee" sounds extremely gay. It sounds like a blurted out giggle.
Now, most guys don't giggle. Girls do giggle, and thats when they are sharing girly jokes or just being plain bimbotic.

And a guy definitely don't impress a girl by giggling.
He probably thinks he lives in Lalaland.

And why is there a 1 attached to the "Hee"? Does he even check his SMS before he sends them out?

I am a stickler to basic grammer rules when I send out SMSes or type in MSN. I always start names with a capital letter, and never put numbers when they're not supposed to be there.

Now he sounds like a loser who spends his time trying his luck out on MSN, and can't even type a proper SMS with basic grammer.

He will never get a girlfriend (if that's his main goal to achieve, er) at this rate.

Perhaps, one day, he might meet a nice and sweet girl who couldn't give a care about his playboy-ish ways and broken grammer. And she will be so nice that she will shower him with love and affection.

Then one day, she finds out his philandering ways by logging into his MSN. A random girl's offline message comes up:

"Stop irritating me and asking me out."

And Kaboom! All the evil secrets come out. She finds out that she was only an unfortunate victim of his flirtatious exploits.

Upset and broken-hearted, she does the classic and SMSes him, "Let's break up."

He tries to explain and sadly fails, through his broken grammer.

So, he will probably be the one who gets ditched.

And then the whole cycle goes on again.

This guy does not get the hint that I am not interested, even though I have mentioned over and over to him again.

Dislike guys like these.

******

Anyway, listen to Corrine May's soundtrack from the Leap Years!

Lovely Corrine May.

It's surprisingly good and soothing on a rainy day.
Especially when I have flu and sorethroat.

Makes me wanna sit down with a cup of hot milo and a good book in a slouchy beanbag.
And just lie down, and contemplate about life's possibilites.

Ahhhh.
I'd love that.

Teach me how to sing to the world.

2008-03-15T15:56:00.002+08:00

I just lost my voice.

2008-03-13T21:15:00.004+08:00

On a side note, I just don't feel good talking to _ _ _. I don't know why.

Just don't feel good.

Being sick kinda sucks.

2008-03-13T21:10:00.003+08:00

I felt so sick today that I just wanted to sit down or go home.

Never felt that way before. I had a bad sorethroat and I was breathing out hot air.

Seriously sucks.

My foot also had a cut by my new shoes and those shoes just keep digging in and creating more blisters.

Walking a few steps was crazy.

I hope it goes away by tomorrow. Pretty please.

Argh. Save me from techno hell!

2008-03-13T03:14:00.010+08:00

Shit. Mozilla is screwed, Quicktime is screwed - and I do not know why I have freakin' Quicktime as my "automatic source of display pictures".

Right.

Sometimes, I wish computers would make it easier for humans to understand their language.

Meer, feminine and girly humans like me who know almost zilch about technology.

What is the difference between Bluetooth and a Blackberry?
(Shame on me, my mom knows that.)

The only things I know about are how to operate a blog, livejournal, chat on MSN messenger, search for anything I want on Google and the works.

But throw some technology-infused words at me and I blank out like a ostrich soon going to be roadkill.

By the way, slightly off-topic but today I actually made the effort to pop into the iShop to get Henry an iPod screen protector!

I was there, and I must say - iShop staff @ Wheelock seem to live in their own world.

There I was, a lonely girl by myself browsing at the screen protectors section for 15 whole minutes and nobody even bothered to come and say Hi. It wasn't as though the shop was busy or something. There wasn't ANYBODY there, save for me and a middle aged man and all the staff did was to chat among themselves.

Service doesn't seem particularly good there.

I had to go up to this slightly bald staff-guy (somehow I think bald people just come across more approachable, dont ask me why) and ask him for some help.

And, he SLOUCHED over like some half-eaten mammoth.

"Hello," he slurred. "What you want?" (What you want? What a way to greet customers, hmm)
"Erm," I replied. "Can you recommend me some screen protectors for iPod classic?"
"Orh."

And, with these 5 words of 'service', he pointed a finger towards the particularly section and slumped off.

GEEZ!!

Seriously, can't stand staff with no service attitude.

Wanna be in the service industry, at least you must learn to put with all sorts of things right. There's a need to be courteous and inviting even when you just slogged your ass off for the whole day. What for give a half-hearted, "I'm so dead and I wish I really was" look as an excuse?

And besides, I was at the screen protectors section already. I asked for recommendations of iPod Classic screen protectors. FYI, you just showed me to the exact spot that I was standing at.

Okay, whatever.

Gentle reminder to self: Do not work in the service industry in the future. Or at least, try not to!

Hmmm, anyway on to lighter stuff. You might realise that I sound really kinda cranky here but thats cos I really am.

Mozilla is spoilt so I'm typing on the uber-slow-to-load IE, and I can't view any pictures on my computer cos my Quicktime is spoilt.

Picture of me in happier times. Do not look at my unplucked brows.

I have a new pimple on my cheek and chin. I reckon, the cheek is the worst place to grow a pimple! It somehow makes it look more unsightly than other parts. I wonder why.

I'm also really hungry. Okay, thats it. Time for maggie mee cooking!

I am going off now! See ya soon!

By the way, to whoever reads my blog, you are either bored or seriously patient for keep coming back because. I don't update often nowadays. :) Thanks to whoever reads, you are much loved!

Woman.

2008-03-10T00:28:00.003+08:00

She wanted to be a blade of grass amid the fields
But he wouldn't agree to be the dandelion

She wanted to be a robin singing through the leaves
But he refused to be her tree

She spun herself into a web
And looking for a place to rest, turned to him
But he stood straight declining to be her corner

She tried to be a book
but he wouldn't read

She turned herself into a bulb
but he wouldn't let her grow

She decided to become a woman
And though he still refused to be a man
.
.
.
.
.
She decided it was all right.

2008-03-07T22:36:00.001+08:00

Hate you.

Get away from me.

Bird in a cage.

2008-03-06T02:42:00.006+08:00

Argh.

Sorry, I wish I wasn't.

But I am. I keep thinking of possibilities.

Wish I wouldn't keep you like a bird in a cage. Am I?

I'm just insecure deep inside, really.

Why did you have to do that?
Why, to me.

Omg. I felt so sad and pissed but I just kept quiet, like crazy.
Like, wth. I just wanted you to have your freedom.

******

I can't believe I am actually going to collect it tomorrow.

I don't even feel like doing it now. Why am I doing this, I wonder?
Seriously. Is it even worth my effort.

I wish he would call me all of a sudden tomorrow and tell me that he ruined it.
That would have been good.

Like a perfect ending to a not-so-perfect episode.

I really wish the world was square instead of round. Things would go a whole lot better.

******

In reality, all I need is a warm cup of reassurance.

And only one person can give me that, right now.

You.

You have no idea.

Hello Nuffnang.

2008-03-01T17:02:00.010+08:00

Finally NUFFNANG decided to put an advertisement on my blog.
Like, finally.

I signed up for it quite a while ago, and just decided to leave its header on my blog - but everyday, there was just a weird merlion sign saying, "I Love Sg. Nuffnang - Now In Singapore!". No advertisements posted on my blog for 1 month.

Let the money roll in please.

Anyway, today I'm feeling a little ill. Runny nose, blocked nose, throat feels funny. I've resorted to stuffing the end of a rolled piece of tissue into my nose because I had to keep blowing it every now and then.

Not a glamourous sight.

Argh. Hope it's not a cold coming.

******

Next week will the the 2nd week of term 2.

One girl just left my class - she's called Crystal. I was kinda sad when she left actually, though we only spent 2 days together technically. She somehow just walked around with me all the time and I liked her company so we stuck together like a pair of Siamese twins.

I don't know why but I seem to be able to attract girls like Siamese twins.

Wherever I go, be it my CCA or school, I'm always bound to be stuck with a GIRL and the whole day, we'll just walk around with each other.

In the end we still get very close. But still.

A friend says it's because, I have a "friendly" look. The first time she saw me, I gave her the impression of someone who is very friendly and helpful.

Anyway, 'said' girl Crystal left for NYJC. And I'll really miss her. Even though half of the time, we were together, she was complaining about CJC and how much she prefers NYJC, since her bf and long-time friends are all over there.

I just listened to her complaints and tried to be as helpful as possible and to integrate her stay into CJ.

She still left in the end. I will miss my Siamese twin.

She requested for a photo before she left and I obliged, even though I looked horrible.

Then we had one with our class too.

As you can see, I'm at the bottom row next to her and our HTC, Deborah.

There's this guy in my class with a uber long name.

He is called Paul Maximilian Thomas Robertson, and he's in the bottom row next to Crystal.

He's a rather friendly guy, the sort who will come approach you automatically and chat with you. He used to be from SJI. And he's 19 this year. He's Indonesian-Chinese I think.

We sit together during CSE class since he's so friendly and I kinda enjoy chatting with him. We chat about anything random, from how girls get caught in our school for having short skirts (unlike certain JCs) and about his life before he came here.

I like chatting with random people about random stuff.

So far, my class is pretty okay. I still miss my first 3 months class though - oh 1T08, we were the best.

However, I'm glad there are some band people (hate using the word bandsmen, as there are girls too) in the same class as me.

There's Dora, from band and who also plays the clarinet. Even though she seems to pon band quite often but at least there is someone from band in the same class as me finally!

Then there's also going to be Max soon. (Paul Maximilian Thomas Robertson, but we call him Max)

That's because I managed to convince Max to join band. Heh. And he is going to play the trumpet, since he played it before.

Alright. Surprisingly, when I finished typing this entry, my runny nose stopped. I hope it doesn't come back again.

And to end on a light note, I miss you Henry.

Take care during your outfield!

Today was the Leap Day.

2008-03-01T02:28:00.008+08:00

Today is 29th February. (actually, it already past)

I miss YOU.

I miss YOU.

I miss YOU.

I miss YOU.

I miss YOU.

I...

Argh. I seriously need to get my bum off this chair and go to sleep.

I've been chatting the whole night with random people online. TGIF!
We have been chatting aimlessly about anything under the moon/sky/stars.

It's quite fun to chat randomly with someone sometimes. Especially, someone whom you don't know well enough. It's always interesting to find out a fact or two about an acquaintance.

Acquaintance.

What do I define as an acquaintance?

To me, an acquaintance is someone whom I know, just not well enough to be a friend. Let's see. An acquaintance is someone whom you say hi and bye to, someone whom you meet in the canteen sometimes in the drink queue, make some small chat, buy your drink and get off.

An acquaintance is not someone whom you'll find easy to share your secrets with. And acquaintance is not someone whom you'll spend the whole evening chatting about random life stuff.

An acquaintance is just plainly, someone whom you know and recognise.

I have many acquaintances, some friends, and very few close friends.

My circle of close friends is very tight-knitted and small. These are the significant few whom I can share secrets and my thoughts with, and not bother that I'll look bad in front of them, ever.

I feel comfortable with them, and don't see the need to break out of this circle sometimes.

Perhaps I'm just someone who is comfortable with familiarity.
I don't like change.

It takes me a longer time to get used to something new - be it a change in lifestyle or environment.

I guess that's bad.

But it also means that I am someone who will stay loyal to a close friend and fight for his/her cause, no matter what.

I'm just like that.

I like the feeling of having a small, close-knitted group of friends who know you inside out.

******

I'm also a very random person.

I'm romantic. I love doing things to make my loved ones happy.

I'm full of joy and warmth.

I'm ditzy sometimes.

I'm vain.

I'm very creative and imaginative.

I'm self-concious, especially towards how others think of me.

I'm sensitive.

I'm loyal.

Also stubborn.

I'm a sentimental freak. Do something sweet for me, and I will remember it for a long time.

I love British humour.

I'm quite feminine.

I'm passionate.

Though I may be talkative sometimes, I get along well with people who are on the quieter side.

I'm a deep thinker. I ponder a lot.

Quiz Galore!

2008-02-24T21:34:00.006+08:00

Just did some quizzes, and I find them so true.

You Are a Feminine Beauty!

You make any guy feel like a man, simply by standing next to him.

You have a classic womanly appeal - and you've got a look for every occasion.

This doesn't mean that you can't kick back in (designer) jeans and sneakers.

You just prefer to be girly and sweet as often as possible.

What Type of Beauty Are You?

You Are 50% Extrovert, 50% Introvert

You're a bit outgoing, a bit reserved

Like most people, you enjoy being social

But you also value the time you have alone

You have struck a good balance!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

Your Body Image is 12% Unhealthy, 88% Healthy

You have a great body image. You know that no one looks perfect, and you're happy the way you are.

Also, you don't judge other people on their looks... and it helps them feel better about their own bodies!

How's Your Body Image?

You Go For Brains!

You want a guy with a big... brain.

And of course it would be nice if he were a total hottie, but you're not counting on it.

What's on the inside is what counts for you. (Besides, you can always change the outside later!)

Do You Go For A Guy's Brains or Body?

You Are Lacy Panties

You're one seductive chica, but you've also got a ton of class.

You are like a pinup girl, with timeless beauty and sexiness.

Men are afraid to talk to you, knowing they'll be addicted to your charm immediately.

Only a true manly man, confident in himself, is your perfect match.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.

In relationships, you tend to be very romantic and demanding. You'll treat your partner like gold, but you expect a lot in return.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Pissed.

2008-02-24T17:17:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, solitude is good.

Husband? Check.

2008-02-08T23:42:00.012+08:00

Ever made a checklist for the kind of guy you wanted to marry?

I was spring cleaning my room today when I came across a scrap of paper, dog-eared and torn off on one side.

On it was scribbled the qualities I hoped for in my future husband.

I don't remember when I had written it, but it was probably during my late secondary school days.

Here's what it said:

loves me + only me
a deep voice
easy laughter
drive
principled
tender
sensitive
mature
appreciates sweetness/silliness
wise.

Over the years, I had forgotten about my check list and simply just left it in a book which I had read halfway and chucked onto the shelf.

As young girls, we usually hope that our future husband will be someone who is handsome and rich, just like Prince Charming.

But as we grow older, we realise that our expectations have changed, we aren't easily satisfied as before, and we will not go for the temporary stuff like looks. Instead, we prefer our him having values like being trustworthy, mature and loving.

I find that it is harder to satisfy me nowadays. My point of view constantly changes and my expectations increase as I grow older.

I no longer view looks or financial capability as priority. Instead, I treasure character above anything else. It just determines everything. Being good looking or having the extra cash is a bonus though.

And I guess that's a good thing.

2008-02-08T01:53:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year,
People!
Gong Hei Fatt Choy!

Lil cutie'.

It's the year of the rat!

Oh wells, yet another new year. And I'm another year older.
So not in a hurry to grow older, I kinda enjoy the pace of life that I am in right now.

I think when I grow up and get married, every Chinese New Year I will just go on a relaxing holiday with the Husband so that I can escape the curious questions like, "When are you gonna have kids?" and also avoid having to give hong baos to small kids!

My idea of a relaxing holiday.

HAHA. I'm just like that.

I wouldn't mind cooking a feast though.

Anyway, now that I have the freedom of a teenager -
I'm kinda looking forward to 4 days of collecting hong baos and playing card games.

So not looking forward to stoning at relatives' homes with the occasional Question.
Bahhh.

2008-02-08T00:50:00.000+08:00

I don't feel anything.

2008-02-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

If I could design my own Converse...

It would look like this!

Smart, ain't it?

D-oh. Used the Design-Your-Own-Converse programme on their website.

And so far, my design fetched about USD 60 dollars! Sweet.

Therefore, being bored and really interested in this programme, I decided to play around some more.

Royal Blue Sidelines

I love royal blue and I haven't seen a converse shoe in this colour before. So here it goes!

Royal blue and white just POPS!

A little surprise at the back.

Red Stripes

And that's really all I can think of at this moment.

Somehow my brain juices aren't working much today, must be due to the endless oestrogen-infused Chinese New Year songs playing from the auntie next door.

I am going to eat reunion dinner soon! Yummy.

There's abalone, which I love. I can eat many servings of abalone at one go, and still not get tired of it. Abalone must also be cooked the way I like it, which is braised with fresh shitake mushrooms, sea cucumber and pork.

It simply just melts in your mouth.

I guess my taste-buds are really hard to satisfy, that's why I'm always on the quest to look for and cook better food.

However, my mom's food is still the best!

PS: Someone forgot my birthday.

2008-02-04T23:14:00.001+08:00

Waiting in excitement, but now I'm just...

I was actually waiting in anticipation for Henry's call for these past 6 days, just couldn't wait to hear his voice and listen about what he did during outfield, how many days he actually didn't bathe (being very hygienic he is) and etc.

But tonight, I just received his first call (30 mins ago) and the first thing that I heard was his very sick voice.

When Henry is sick, his usually low voice goes even more lower and croak-ey like.

I could barely even make out what he was saying.

So there I was, saying "Hmmm?" and "Huh?" over every sentence that he tried to say, and he was trying so hard to explain while being sick at the same time.

And instead of feeling really excited and happy all over his call, it just made me feel...

So terrible.

Lousy.
Now I wish he hadn't even called me.

Shucks. Why do you feel so bad when someone whom you care for is sick?

Yeah, I do, unfortunately.

And what is worse, is that there is nothing I can do about it.
Except to wait for him to come back.

Sucks to be sick during CNY.

2008-02-01T00:11:00.000+08:00

FOR SALE.

Brand new and not worn once,
the ubiquitous boyfriend shirt-dress.

This classic number in royal blue is one of the things every girl needs to have in her wardrobe.

A smart pull-over for a day when you just don't feel like dressing up, this simple shirt can double up as a casual dress simply by ruching a belt at your waist, or wearing it plain with blue jeans and ballet flats.

Keira Knightley and the Boyfriend shirt.

Colour true to this picture.

Measurements:
14"-17" across / pit to pit
27" from top down
Fits UK size 6-12

Product Description:
Button down royal blue cotton shirt dress
Tapered at waist
Elasticised below bust
Rolled sleeves fastener
Bubbled hemline
Made from quality cotton

******

Bought for $40,
I'm letting go of this lovely new piece for only $27.
Please add $1 for normal mail,
or $3.25 for registered mail.

Meet-ups at MRT stations can be discussed.

Do contact me at perxpective@gmail.com if you are interested.

2008-01-26T01:18:00.001+08:00

First book-out.

I was there.

2008-01-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

2 weeks is almost over!

Haha, I'm really happy!

Today, I have been going around mentioning to my classmates and friends that he is booking out on friday, and they are all equally excited for me as well.

Actually, these 2 weeks past kinda fast. To think I was dreading it, thinking that the days would be long and I was practically marking down every day on my calendar in anticipation. But actually I'm so glad that the 2 weeks past quite fast with school, homework and my crazy class.

So everything's good!

Although, Henry isn't with me everyday like previously, I kinda enjoy the state of life that I'm in now. I have my own pace to do my own things.

It's funny how 2 weeks of not seeing someone makes you feel so...
I just can't describe.

Anyway, it's good that friday is an off-day for me, due to release of O level results. Just in time for his first book-out.

I will be there at every book-out!

2008-01-20T18:39:00.000+08:00

Random Food Musings.

My maid has taken a liking to flavoured corn snacks recently, and she has been buying a lot of Twisties.

Not that I mind. She always offers me a packet or 2 out of the big bag of 20's that she buys.

And I can't mention how good that snack suddenly tastes. It's like, when I was a young girl, I had a sweet/calorie-deprived childhood. I stayed with my Grandma then and being the very strict matriarch that she was (Iron Head of the household) she absolutely forbade ANY FORM of snacks, candy, chocolates and cold drinks/desserts.

So if my brother and I wanted to eat snacks, we had to sneak out to buy them secretly. I still remember the time when I went out secretly with my neighbour Denise in the late afternoon to buy ice-cream.

When I reached home, I relished every beautiful delicious drop in my bed, under my blanket.

Wonderful times, they were.

I remember the first potato chips that I ate was Twisties, and I liked it a lot. It became my staple secret snack for a while before I discovered Nachos and thought it tasted way better.

Told you I was deprived.

Anyway, my maid bought Corntos today and suddenly all these wonderful childhood memories flashed back to me. Of course it doesn't taste as good to me now. But when you're a child, any dessert/snack tastes good.

Like the real thing.

Corntos are like a 'fake' version of Twisties.

At first, it was Twisties who came up with that irregular-shaped and snappy flavoured corn snack in the market. Then afterwards, a brand from Malaysia, Corntos emerged.

It looks and tastes exactly like Twisties.

The only difference is probably that Corntos is 1/3 the size of Twisties.

Like, hello?
I don't, er, exactly see the point in making snacks so 'bite-sized' that you end up eating crumbs in a bag.

Corntos literally is flavoured crumbs in a bag.

It's a little irritating cos when you're doing something like watching TV or using the computer, you have to constantly reach into the bag to pick up some to eat. And in any event which you happen to pick up too many, they all drop onto the floor.

I suppose the correct way to eat Corntos is to:

1) Open
2) Tilt head back
3) Pour entire contents of bag into mouth.

I'm coming, baby.

Yeah, right.

No wonder they've recently come up with smaller packets. Gives a whole new meaning to 'snacks-on-the-go'.

Snacks on the go.

Well, I suppose the marketing department of Corntos in Malaysia decided that the only way they could differentiate Corntos from Twisties was to create extremely small ones.

Not good.

BIGGER IS ALWAYS BETTER.

A real, life-sized packet.

Ain't it?

2008-01-17T23:18:00.000+08:00

Objects Of Affection.

I have been surfing eBay lately, out of curiousity, and really just plain boredom - and I have my eye on these items currently.

Black Satin Purse Adorned With Red Flowers.

Isn't it sweet?

I don't know if some people might find that this looks a bit ah-mah, but I seriously think it looks pretty and darn sweet.

I simply adore the colour of these shoes. Grey and preppy.

Very Harvard meets Upper East Side socialite.

This very cute outfit would match those shoes.

The colour of this dress just POPS! I can't emphasize how I think its colour will suit practically all skin-tones. Love it much, it looks like royal blue mixed with indigo.

And, lovely shoes to match the amazing colour of that dress.

Bits and pieces from my child-hood, Winnie the Pooh. For some reason, I like this particular shirt just because it brings back old memories.

I think it would look really adorable if a child's room was covered with vintage Winnie the Pooh wallpaper. Just basic cream wallpaper, and little grey sketches of Pooh and his friends frolicking in Hundred Acre Wood.

It's time to RETIRE my white bags.

Have I told you, that I have carried white bags (as my main bag) for the past 4 years?
Urgh. For some reason also, I like white bags, although they do get dirty easily. Also, my friends often tell me that I suit the colour white best.

Although my white bags very often become cream bags.

Again, a burst of bright and fresh colours!

To me, yellow is an almost impossibly hard colour to get to match your skin-tone. So far, I haven't found a shade of yellow to suit me. So perhaps I'm not suited to wear yellow stuff.

But I really like this colour particularly on her, like I said, it stands out!
Meanwhile, the cut is just so-so.

I SIMPLY LOVE THE DESIGN OF THIS SHOE.

Psychedelic design? Check.
Watermelon pink and green? Check.
Pretty bow? Check.

It is quite impossible to resist.
Pretty paisley pink and green! Pink and green (or watermelon colour, as I like to call them) is a no-fail sassy combination.

Bright. Holiday-ish.
Loud. Vivacious.

Extremely nice.

Oh, Keds. You make sharp-looking shoes with brilliant colours.

I wish I could wear you for school.

My favourite dress out of the lot.

The cutting is brilliant, the canary-yellow colour, gorgeous, and paired with that warm gold necklace - what else can I say?

A coat I would wear for winter if only there was such a thing in the perpetually hot, sunny and humid Singapore.

Great. I will probably save this for my next overseas winter trip.
Move over, white fur jacket.

Okay... You get the idea. A cute bag for ladies' delicate stuff.

And finally, a picture which really speaks my mind at this instant.

2008-01-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

18/01/2007.

Today, I saw my junior Marissa at Toa Payoh MRT when I was taking the escalator up. Haven't seen her in ages, she hasn't changed much.

At first, I noticed a lone figure staring at me from a distance.

I squinted to look, obviously, since my degree is increasing and my contacts were giving me trouble today.

I was quite surprised to see her, and I think she was too. She stared at me for a while more, as if she couldn't recognise me from afar as I had pinned my hair up and looked like a dishevelled mess.

I gave her a smile and waved. And then she suddenly grinned.

As I happened to be heading upwards and she was making her way down the staircase, we only managed to exchange a few words on the way.

"HELLO MARISSA!!" I shouted from across.
"HI!"
"You going home now?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Yes, I stay near here only... which JC did you get into?"
"Huh?"
"Which school are you in now?"
"Hmmm...??"
"Which school-"

By then, I had already reached the top so I just waved goodbye and she went off.

Lol.

******

Today is our 6th month.

7 more days.

2008-01-15T20:10:00.000+08:00

Kelly.

It's so nice to hang out with your old friends sometimes.

Stayed back after school with Kelly today cos she wanted to study, so I decided to accompany her. I really miss talking to her. I hope you're reading this now. Yeah, after she told me that we haven't been talking lately and she reads my blog just to catch up with my life, I realised that, yeah, we haven't been talking much.

Anyway, it's so cool that her class is just right next to mine! I never knew it until she popped by one day and shouted excitedly through my class window, "Hey JX, my class is just next to yours!"

Omg I really love her lah.

In the bus, I told her that if I were to describe her with 5 words, it would be, sweet, humble, Godly and truthful.

Yeah, I really mean it.

Anyway, we just hung around in her class and I plugged in my iPod and kept playing random songs, and asking her questions like, "Have you heard this song before? I love this song!". I like sharing good things with my close friends.

And being the same old friend that she is, she would just look up from her work and smile.

After that she had to go to Toa Payoh to pass Daryl his chinese stuff and I just accompanied her and we talked all the way. I told her about Henry and how he's doing his BMT right now, how much I really miss him, we talked about school and CCA and different views on people. She has never changed.

Kelly is the kind of friend who will listen intently to what you have to say, and you can say ANYTHING in the world to her and not have to worry that she will rebutt you or question your statements. She has probably seen me through my ups and downs in secondary school, been through my relationships, tried her best to comfort me when I felt small, and even seen me cry at the doctor's once.

She's one of my friends that I truly feel comfortable with.

I can't even describe how much importance I place on my relationships and friendships, I truly value and trust all my closest friends, and I have a lot of love for them.

She asked me if her watch was nice. I looked at it, and agreed. It was a black digital watch which looked masculine and cool, but just suited her in that special way.

I started to picture how the watch would look on Henry. He mentioned that he needed a black digital one for NS, but didn't buy it yet. Perhaps I could surprise him with one.

I asked her where she got it from. She mentioned Bishan.

And then suddenly, I thought, but Henry doesn't really wear watches, it's not even a habit of his.

Although it is a habit of mine, lately I've started wearing a watch, which was the one my Mom received from her friend but I took a fancy to it and just started wearing it. And it's always been on me since, unless I really forget.

Unlike Henry, he's the type who only wears a watch for a special occasion, when he really needs it like taking an examination.

I tucked the watch issue somewhere into the back of my mind, and would think about it some other time.

Kelly and I walked around the market looking for things to eat. She came across Tu Tu Kueh, which is one of her childhood snacks. She let me try some. It brought back old memories of my Grandpa.

We walked around some more and I walked her to her bus-stop and then went home.

I enjoyed going out with her today. It's kinda comforting to see that I can just pop by her class anytime to chat, since she's just next door. I really like spending time and catching up with my old friends.

IG outing this friday.